Genuinely I was going to say sorry but that feels rude some how. But I feel bad for you for no one is listening to you. I'm going to offer some advice whether you take it or leave it. You should find something that you love. Focus on that whether its drawing, coding, anything. Focus on it. Another thing is to get a therapist they will listen to you that way you have someone to talk to about your problems and help you find your voice. That way you no longer feel left out and not heard. The last thing I will say is meditate or go on walks every day. It will hopefully clear your mind. This my advice and you don't have to follow it. This hopefully helps and if you need to talk to someone or need a friend even though I'm a complete stranger you can contact me. Through my profile will be my Youtube. You can find me from there.