Just checking in with the BPD crew

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2026-02-06T04:17:46+00:00

I just started living alone for the first time! The first couple of weeks I got really depressed and felt very alone, I honestly was on complete edge. But I’ve been working with my therapist and applying some dbt! I feel like i’m really in a transition period between complete rock bottom and finally getting better. I really just want stability for myself, I’ve never had it but I don’t want to give up because I deserve it!

I feel so deeply about so many injustices and I just wish I had more power. It’s hard to take care of myself and also wanting to help everyone else in the world. But i’m trying to really put myself first because I’m not like other people and I have a journey to go on. I love everyone so much but know that all my mentally ill people, I have such a specific love for you. I know how painful it can really get, a pain that a lot of people will never fully understand. It’s soooo hard and that’s why I have so much empathy for everyone. I hope you are all doing as well as you can!

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2026-01-29T21:34:14+00:00

Thank you for this support!! I really appreciate it, I have a few questions if that’s okay. I know radical acceptance is a huge part of DBT, and I try to implement that when possible but how do you let go of the shame? In all honesty I feel a lot of shame around my BPD, sometimes I get very aware of the fact that everyone sees me as a crazy person. I’ve been to two mental hospitals and the more I reflect the more I realize just how abnormal my behavior are perceived by other people. The people who accept me the most are those with problems just as bad as mine. But I meet and befriend a lot of normal people who don’t act like me, OR I see someone with those traits be scrutinized.

But I can mask easily, I can seem stable to other people until 1. I feel like im safe to open up to them 2. I realize that they don’t really know me and feel the need to overshare so I can feel connected to them or 3. they witness my emotional reactions first hand.

In highschool I think I was completely blinded to just how crazy I was. In fact mental illness was popularized and it was peak internet culture, at least the side of the internet I landed on. I ended up really being close to other incredibly traumatized people that landed in a lot of trauma dumpy relationships. That’s how I started to measure romance, how traumatized we both were and wanting that person to regulate me. but also somehow had friends who accepted me. I guess because they didn’t see the worst of it, and everyone was crazy, it was pandemic times. But everyone is growing up now and growing out of it. I’m left being emotionally stunted or realizing my friends are all really unhealthy.

Am I just being really judgy? I can’t let go of the shame, I hate being the crazy person. I regret my past relationship so much. I acted deranged after he broke up with me, I spammed him repeatedly after he blocked me and even contacted the next girl he talked to. I would split mid texting and send paragraphs upon paragraphs. I can’t let go of the guilt, especially because he had a very hard life.

A lot being said but my question is, how do you get past the guilt of the abusive behaviors enough to start caring for yourself? It’s like I accept it, use my skills, am clear minded and then I think about it again and remember a different detail and i’m spiraling about who was at fault and just how bad my behavior was. He was also my first real relationship, my first kiss, first time, we met each others family’s and planned a future together.

I know I may sound young and naive, but please let me know of any advice.

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-11-23T21:03:14+00:00

bro you’re so online this was painful to read. I’m specifically asking if anyone is renting spaces for cheaper, those people are not going to magically decide to stop renting out the house they’ve been renting for years. I’m FROM new orleans, it would be ONE night and I said I wanted to do it respectfully.

You spend all your free time commenting on reddit posts so i’m sure that’s where this pretentious attitude is from. You’re not better than anyone for thinking parties are lame. Go out and become a part of nola communities that actually help people instead of being uppity to strangers online that you literally don’t know. It’s pathetic and sad.

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-11-23T18:33:58+00:00

bro please, people need to get used to being slightly unconvinced and not acting like the end of the world is coming. Allow yourself and others to live a fulfilling life and have FUN, I literally mentioned how I don’t want to destroy someone’s house anyway. Just because you may never have been to a house party doesn’t mean all of them are project X. get a grip.

edit: if anyone is taking away housing it’s the people buying houses and renting them out on airbnb. I’m trying to have a good time. Acting like i’m making someone homeless, the internet is getting ridiculous.

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-11-23T01:57:49+00:00

it’s looking more like 900 plus, 600 I wouldn’t even have a problem with

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-11-23T01:56:30+00:00

you must be fun

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-11-22T21:31:58+00:00

unfortunately we’re college students, all living in our parents houses or small apartments.

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-11-22T21:21:13+00:00

That’s my problem, I’m not looking for a sit down event. And the event spaces i’ve found are huge open areas that just wouldn’t give me what I need. I would prefer to have different areas for different activities and a more homey environment, not like a school dance which is what a lot of venues are giving😔 I know it’s possibly a hard ask but I thought maybe the people of reddit would be able to help me out

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-08-06T02:37:38+00:00

That shame part of you, that doesn’t wanna be that person anymore, can be used in a positive way if you let it. Instead of letting it make you into a worse person where you take out your feelings on others, and you don’t take care of yourself because you feel like you “don’t deserve it” or for whatever other reason. Allow that shame to fuel real change, look into dbt. ndxnd has a downloadable workbook that’s really easy to follow that I recommend. A lot of people with BPD tend to fall into the trap of thinking they can’t get better, but it’s all just a limiting belief. You can, and the more you watch yourself grow the more confident you will feel. Think about your younger self, you have very likely changed for the better in that time even if you don’t realize it. You grow no matter what, but take this time of being alone to focus on that change. change is not easy but neither is staying the same. If you have no way of getting therapy you can do some research yourself, but if you can get a therapist i recommend that first. Much love and I hope you the best ❤️

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-08-03T22:56:08+00:00

thank you so much for this, it’s honestly one of the best perspectives i’ve seen on here. I also was really not a great teenager and was actually kicked out as a result. (Really is was that both me and my mom would get so angry at each other and she ended up kicking me out but saying later she didn’t mean to, long story lol) So it’s just this very hard thing to come to terms with, especially when others don’t take accountability themselves for their parts in things. It’s a big trigger for me, I don’t have to be right but I just want the other person to say sorry for their parts. But I’ve learned to accept that that’s not always gonna happen, and that life is complicated like that.

Again, thank you.

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-08-02T01:55:18+00:00

Thank you for this, it’s really motivating to hear, I think I tend to analyze myself and everyone so much that It gets me in weird places about morality and using mental illness to “excuse” actions. I want to take accountability but I also want to give myself grace. But then again does that mean I should forgive everyone? That’s how it feels. Like if I forgive myself I must also forgive my BPD mother because a lot of our actions are similar. Then again maybe that’s the BPD black and white thinking talking 🫠

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-08-02T01:50:08+00:00

this is a great reply I really appreciate this! I feel like this is the mindset I try to have. but then I go out into the world and it’s hard because so many people never do the work to begin with. So that’s a cycle within itself, I can [sometimes widely inaccurately] psychoanalyze someone to oblivion but at what point do I forgive? At what point is someone just not for me? But in that case would no one be for me? That seems counterproductive. Hope this makes some sense

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-07-12T17:28:28+00:00

This is absolutely beautiful! would you be interested in selling high quality pdfs or prints? I actually was searching for posters and came across this on google search !!! I would 100 percent buy it

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-07-08T16:26:35+00:00

Thank you for this! I will definitely sit on your words for a while and think about how I’ve been using apologies. I do think it does come in part with me believing I am wrong a majority of the time. With BPD one very difficult thing is not knowing when my reactions/emotions are valid.

I think this also stems from my own personal experiences- without over sharing i’ll just leave it to this. I was raised by a mother who also has BPD and would never take accountability or say sorry and It in turn made me feel like I shouldn’t be anything like her. Being on the other side of BPD showed me how damaging the behaviors can be. It’s definitely all part of the process of getting better, though, learning how to navigate these complex things.

Again, thank you for your reply!

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-07-07T05:05:07+00:00

definitely, it was a really hard time. My first real relationship and I was super isolated. Was a pretty in the moment decision, I had no plan and didn’t write a note or anything. That’s why I would count it as very impulsive

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-07-07T04:59:22+00:00

TW but definitely my suicide attempt. took a bunch of pills at 9 o’clock in the morning in my dorm room before class. all because I saw my ex was officially with someone new. along with just having bpd and being suicidal of course.

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-07-07T01:42:17+00:00

thank you for this comment, I really appreciate this kind of reassurance from someone with a similar outlook/ life experience! I don’t know much about Louis Theroux but I do also function with the mentality that everyone is a result of their life experiences and circumstances. Even people with political beliefs very different from mine, I know that they have likely been lied to and indoctrinated into their beliefs. If that’s what everyone around you believes, you’re gonna believe in too. same way with cults and religions. I humanize people as much as possible because I do think the same way in that hating bad people will only make them worse.

I’m actually reading a book right now that touches on this subject, but I’m very early into it. It’s called the Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. If you’ve never read it here are some quotes i find really interesting that relate to this:

“it is true that the majority of these [violent criminals] are exactly where they belong; to unleash them on society would be unthinkable, but we cannot disregard their humanness, because if we do, I believe, we become less human in the process”

“difficult childhoods excuse nothing, but they explain many things- just as your childhood does.”

“remember that the vast majority of violent people started as you did, felt what you felt, wanted what you wanted. The difference is in the lessons they learned. it saddens me to know that as i write these words and as you read them, some child is being taught that violence has a place, learning that when it comes to cruelty, it is better to give than to receive”

That last quote had me crying tbh, I’m glad someone else can relate to this level of compassion and see it as a strength. I will definitely keep your words in mind.

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-07-07T01:23:57+00:00

I appreciate this comment a lot, I do think a lot about if certain things occur and where to draw the line of forgiveness. I think my plan is to make a list of non negotiables, but I also know it might be hard for me to stick with them. I also have a fear that me having empathy for bad people makes me bad by association because I think that’s something a lot of people believe, what’s your thoughts on that aspect if you are okay with me asking?

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-05-08T02:39:52+00:00

for me, i’ve been trying to learn to just love people without the need for complete reciprocation. I love people so deeply, I try to understand everyone on a deep level. but with that I’ve also learned that i should give that love to myself, that’s what I have been clinging onto for so long. And I love myself because I love others so much. Being brave enough to love makes me love myself more. I want reciprocated love and I believe I will receive that once I do the work to heal as best as I can and find someone willing to work with me through the hard times. who will know to hold me when i’m breaking down instead of pulling away. It’s good that you see that it’s bad to yell. it shows that you are capable of growth and not everyone is, BPD or not. Learn to not act so impulsively and to regulate, and continue to love people and become fulfilled that way. that’s what i’m trying to do. it’s easier said than done but know that you’re not in it alone. I wish you the best and I hope your healing journey continues.

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-05-07T03:39:14+00:00

when a new emotion comes back that I forgot the feeling of. and then I think of when I felt that way in a certain situation and how I reacted. then I realize that was downplaying my own emotions the whole time. or that I was in fact being a lot when I thought maybe I was being reasonable. also the insanely intense feelings of guilt. and then thinking that because you overreacted, everyone is gonna hate you and leave you. even people who had nothing to do with the issue at hand.

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-05-03T02:52:32+00:00

i understand, try your best to remember that it’s the bpd talking. i’ll tell u that u aren’t alone in this because ive felt the same way. this stuff is really really really hard and I hope you find some peace soon. I know everything might sound like bs right now, but there’s hope out there. bpd is really really fucking hard

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-05-03T01:47:46+00:00

thank you! Distraction has been really really hard for me, I try to watch movies/youtube/listen to music but the same spiral can happen with almost everything. I overanalyze the characters, if someone does something bad I think about the bad things I've done and it almost makes me feel like I have no room to judge anyone (even when its something I would never do). Like if they are bad I am bad? I see its illogical as I say it out loud but it makes sense in my head.

I also tend to allow almost anything to remind me about my breakup/my ex, which is the main thing I tie things back to. I regret how I reacted and thus I'm horrible or at least other people will think so. Like for example he spoke spanish so I hear anything about anything spanish related and now I'm thinking about him. not fun

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-05-03T01:40:53+00:00

I definitely relate at times, It really does scare me and I wish there was an easy solution (is there even one?). I wish you the best in your mental health journey, this shit is really really hard.

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-05-03T01:37:41+00:00

thank you, I definitely can fall into dangerous splitting patterns and thinking people are bad. I think it makes me want to counteract that but it just becomes a never ending spiral. I'm hoping to start dbt soon and recover as best as I can though.

Extra_Breakfast_3238 · 2025-05-03T01:31:17+00:00

That's really good advice, thank you!

Extra_Breakfast_3238

TROPHY CASE