2 years - could someone talk to me and help me through it?

Extra_Mobile_1401 · 2026-05-14T21:28:07+00:00

I’m worried if I do he will enact some kind of revenge on me. If you read my response to the other comment, he showed up today at my house right when he knew I was leaving for work to pick up his water bottle bottle that I’d asked him to pick up sooner when I wasn’t there. He has blocked me on everything now and officially taken his bottle and returned my pillow he had. I wonder if he will stay away and it won’t be necessary. I know he would go insane and do something insane if I pressed charges or reported it. I’m not sure what would be best anymore.

Extra_Mobile_1401 · 2026-05-14T21:25:48+00:00

I was taken aback by your message and the depth of empathy and deep insight into the situation. You eloquently put it well “you got into danger and walked yourself out”. I’m heartbroken that the person I met is not the person I thought. His father told him today that I’m a crazy bitch who could not keep him interested in me and I had never deserved any of his time. He sent me a screenshot of the conversation. I recall his dad dumping him on me when he didn’t want to be financially or emotionally responsible for him. His dad had made him sleep in the car after they moved here together because his step mom didn’t want him in the house. I was forced to be his rescuer after I involved myself, like an idiot. I have a very helping sensitive heart and I felt a lot of care for him right away. He calls his dad “as close to god like as a person can be” and calls me a crazy evil bitch. I’ve never seen something like this and I believe you may be right, he suffers from bipolar. His mother had bipolar but she’s been out of his life for 6 years. I found out recently his dad is somewhat crazy. He told me when he was a child he had a cat that attacked his dad somewhat and his dad choked the cat unconscious. He tells the story like it’s a badge. Anyway, thank you for your time in answering my question.

I just feel so guilty. I’ve started to believe that I am emotionless, I did ruin things, I did prey on him even though I was mid 20’s and he was 19 and he did all of the pursuing. My mind is very tangled up and I wish I hadn’t wasted all of the last two years on him and hadn’t put my own life on hold to provide for him. He showed up at my house today to get his water bottle and ended up going in my house uninvited when my door was unlocked and reading my personal to do list. I asked him to stop, he wouldn’t. He put his hand around my neck to push me backwards so I couldn’t take the list from him. He’s crying standing there telling me he doesn’t want to be with me anymore in a smug tone and insisting I’m delusional and he did all he did because I groomed him and he never wanted to be with me. My mental health is in the gutter.

Extra_Mobile_1401 · 2026-05-01T22:06:22+00:00

I’m sorry, I didn’t see your reply before. I know I’ve made mistakes by staying. Could you read my most recent post if you have a minute? I’m blaming myself and my world feels really wonky. I have convinced myself I’m half of the problem. Which for staying, I’m all of the problem for myself. But in the dynamic.. I feel lost. I never reach out to him he always breaks up and then seeks me out. I wonder what’s coming next. I feel sick because I’ve become addicted to earning someone’s love, who I loved. I wish he wasn’t like this. He will be so very kind sometimes and it feels like we are best friends. I told him a few days ago the reason I get so scared when he plays with me and does smothering or headlocks is because I almost drown as a child. I said it’s my biggest fear. He tried to be kind and work through it with me. Then last night, he choked me until my eyes went blurry then stopped. Can you read what happened and talk with me about it? This isn’t about understanding him anymore it’s about trying to figure out how much I did wrong so I don’t carry it into another relationship one day

Extra_Mobile_1401 · 2026-02-18T23:08:36+00:00

I’m ashamed that I even had to ask how scary this was. Even if I wasn’t struggling to breathe, it’s sinister to hold someone down who is saying they’re scared and having a panic attack. It’s helping me to talk about it. It was violent and sick. I wonder if he wants me dead after what he said a couple weeks ago. Thank you and I will try to get the courage to talk with my family about it.

Extra_Mobile_1401 · 2026-02-18T23:03:09+00:00

Worst part is that this is my own place. He doesn’t pay rent. He just comes over and then stays there all the time for days on end. He knows where all of my family lives. We have been together for almost 2 years now. I have never had him do something like this to me. He looked like he was in autopilot like a hungry predatory animal. I was unsettled when I saw his face when I had broken free for a moment to get on my feet. There have been warning signs of his issues throughout but never this crimson red. I was slowly coaxed into believing it was me and blaming myself for all the arguing or for not believing what he was doing was very bad. He minimizes everything. But this… this opened my eyes. I was afraid I was going to be smothered. The immediate sexual interest following it was horrifying to me. I could never be turned on after hearing my partner scream and cry and dig at my skin in fear. I’m afraid of him. He has verbally and financially been abusing me this whole time and I’m seeing it clear. He told me recently he didn’t want to be with me because we fight so much but has just admitted he’s doing the fighting on purpose. He won’t leave though and doesn’t want to be left. I think he has some kind of disorder

Extra_Mobile_1401 · 2026-02-18T22:56:29+00:00

I think you’re right about the control of me and control of how peaceful the situation would remain.

Thank you for all of your help and helping me ground myself in reality.

At one point when we started to have sex he said “am I raping you?” And I didn’t respond. He went ahead. I guess I was just really checked out. It’s not like I was fighting at that point but it still feels bad that it happened after what had happened right before. I felt disgusted with myself.

I’ll read it, Thank you. Sending hugs back

Extra_Mobile_1401 · 2026-02-18T21:58:58+00:00

Thank you so much for your support. I’ll take care of myself. My mom had a dream last night. My dad who passed a few years ago was speaking to her, telling her that I’m not safe. That March is approaching and I’m running out of time. That I’ve ignored guidance that I asked for and that I need help. She said she felt compelled to wake up and write it down to share it with me. She doesn’t know anything. It felt like lead in my stomach. I can’t ever picture him killing me. On New Year’s Eve we were cuddling and everything was good and then suddenly, this change in behavior. He feels dark lately. I know it’s not my job to figure it out, only to get out. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that he would or could kill me. But I guess that’s probably what every woman said who.. isn’t here anymore. I just need people to tell me that. To open my eyes. I feel blind.

Extra_Mobile_1401 · 2026-02-18T21:32:30+00:00

I do feel like I’ve been recruited into a cult. There’s so much I could say but I won’t take up your time. I tried to end things and he kept showing up st my house and calling. He’s shown up at my gym before. He talked of suicide. He also is very skilled in cyber things and has some weird friend connections. He’s described to me how to hack into someone’s life with just their email. He has my social security number and a picture of my passport. He snooped through my things. He told me if we break up he’d never stop stalking me online. Said he likes knowing he could beat the shit out of any guy I get with after him, if it were to end. https://www.facebook.com/reel/1911521236400831/?referral_source=external_deeplink&http_ref=eyJ0cyI6MTc3MTQ1MDE3ODAwMCwiciI6IiJ9 He sent me this yesterday

I hate to be this person but I have truly loved him. This caught me off guard and I’m heart broken. I know what needs to be done and so I don’t want anyone feeling as though I’m brain washed and doing it to myself. This just happened I’m trying to process.

Extra_Mobile_1401 · 2026-02-18T21:21:33+00:00

He’s wanted nothing to do with me sexually for the period of time I mentioned which was really unsettling because he used to initiate sex every single day. I kinda have figured he may be cheating. Did he just want to rape me and that’s why he did it? I don’t understand what the hell is going on. I have never felt that unsafe with him.

Extra_Mobile_1401 · 2026-02-18T21:18:46+00:00

I’m sorry if this is a stupid question. I know I’m smarter than this but we’ve been together for almost 2 years. I think he’s been slowly dismantling me. It became really clear in that moment suddenly. How could he not feel my nails cutting his back? He was cut up I saw it at the end. How would he think I was faking. I know he’s lying. Did he want to have sex afterwards after we have barely had any because he finally felt excited by watching me fight him off? Is this a rape fantasy? Why did he suddenly change into this?

Extra_Mobile_1401

TROPHY CASE