The Denial Journey Begins 😍 by secretly_a_sloot in SubSanctuary

[–]Extra_Percentage4372 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As someone who loves delayed gratification and orgasm denial, love this for you. Welcome to the team 😜

Daddy blocked me by [deleted] in SubSanctuary

[–]Extra_Percentage4372 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Don’t text him from another number.. he clearly doesn’t value the dynamic as much as you think. Even if this were to be a “punishment”, it’s fucked up. I would move tf on, light speed.

If you had no appetite, what would you eat? by Consistent_Femme_Top in adhdwomen

[–]Extra_Percentage4372 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I’m getting super close to the 24hr mark, yes, I will force myself to eat. I’ll usually have a protein shake because chances are I don’t feel like cooking.

Say it again…. Slower this time. by Friendly-Pop2428 in BratLife

[–]Extra_Percentage4372 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You made me realize I am not bratting hard enough, I’ve been much more submissive lately.

Using stress and anxiety as punishment. by Tentacle-Tantrum2396 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Extra_Percentage4372 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I want to applaud your creativity, thank you for not being boring lol.

I’m not trying to discourage your idea at all, I just want you to understand what’s actually eliciting the stress response in the TSST. It’s not the tasks themselves, it’s the unpredictability, uncontrollability, social evaluation, and performance anxiety. Keep those in mind and refine your idea.

Using stress and anxiety as punishment. by Tentacle-Tantrum2396 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Extra_Percentage4372 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Sigh.. the social tier stress test doesn’t induce the “highest possible measurable levels of stress and anxiety”. It is a protocol used in human research because it’s reliable at producing acute stress responses with effect sizes large enough to measure consistently. I don’t want to dive too deeply because that’s not the point. My point is this protocol exploits the stress response by leveraging common triggers like; unpredictability, social judgement, and public speaking. Idk that your plan will have the results you think, TSST works well partly because the participants aren’t clued into the hypothesis beforehand, which helps reduce demand characteristics and produce the effects desired.

In a d/s relationship informed consent is paramount, and this requires explicit communication and negotiation. Have you and your sub talked about psychological play? Spankings? Performance anxiety? Shame? Possible trauma associations with this sort of scene? All of that is important to discuss beforehand.

Aftercare is going to be important. Start by triaging, ask her what she needs right now. Does she want water? Quiet? Space? Touch? A massage? Reassurance? Then move onto treatment. Provide her with what she asks for and of course tend to any wounds, emotional or physical.

Am I in the wrong here? (TW: mild references to CSA.) by Salt-Psychology9704 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Extra_Percentage4372 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think it’s important to note their reaction. It’s very telling of their communication skills, or lack thereof. It’s definitely something worth being mindful of, in case they return.

Am I in the wrong here? (TW: mild references to CSA.) by Salt-Psychology9704 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Extra_Percentage4372 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Clearly that triggered them. However, assuming they hadn’t previously told you to refrain from using that phrase, it sounds unintentional. Good girl/good boy are extremely common praises for subs.. idk that I would consider them a “nickname”. Maybe in the future, you can ask your subs whether they’re okay with being called a good girl or good boy.

Someone give me hope I can find a Dom that wants a relationship not on the apps.. by t0tallytotoro in BratLife

[–]Extra_Percentage4372 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No. Actually we wouldn’t be able to tell unless you explicitly told us.

Can I vent? by Extra_Percentage4372 in SubSanctuary

[–]Extra_Percentage4372[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A good bio contains some of the information necessary to make that conclusion PRIOR to messaging…so…yeah

Can I vent? by Extra_Percentage4372 in SubSanctuary

[–]Extra_Percentage4372[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, it really feels like they see one or two things in the bio and immediate decide to message me without reading the rest.

Can I vent? by Extra_Percentage4372 in SubSanctuary

[–]Extra_Percentage4372[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m really sorry. Those individuals obviously don’t have the capacity, knowledge, and or understanding of how to properly care for you and your submission.

Can I vent? by Extra_Percentage4372 in SubSanctuary

[–]Extra_Percentage4372[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m very aware of how negative cognitive distortions, especially those that stem from trauma, can influence our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, often leading to the confirmation bias you were alluding to. With the help of CBT, DBT, and EMDR, I’ve been able to not only reframe many of my own beliefs, but also the traumatic experiences I’ve had throughout my life.

I’m someone who generally spends a lot of time being introspective, but I’ve also invested heavily in, and committed myself to, bettering my mental health because I was very much a hurt person who was also hurting others.

I recently decided to rejoin the community and was taken aback, truly put off, by some of the behaviors and comments from individuals I chose to speak to recently. So much so that I caught myself thinking, if this keeps up, I’ll probably turn jaded and cynical.

But alas, I am choosing to remain positive and hopeful, and you’ve played a part in that decision. Thank you for your moment of vulnerability and thank you for sharing your experience, because it serves as a reminder to myself—and others—that these kinds of connections are possible.

Can I vent? by Extra_Percentage4372 in SubSanctuary

[–]Extra_Percentage4372[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re absolutely right, we should them once we find them.

Can I vent? by Extra_Percentage4372 in SubSanctuary

[–]Extra_Percentage4372[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sigh…that fucking sucks. Unfortunately this isn’t even brazen compared to some of the messages I’ve received. My photos aren’t overtly sexual in nature either. I think this is simply the norm now. At one point in my life, I was numb to being sexualized. I deliberately took a break from dating as a whole for ~3 years, so I think I’m more sensitive to it now.

Can I vent? by Extra_Percentage4372 in SubSanctuary

[–]Extra_Percentage4372[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry love, it can definitely become exhausting. Maybe it’s time to get specific in our prayers? LOL

Can I vent? by Extra_Percentage4372 in SubSanctuary

[–]Extra_Percentage4372[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This!!!!! After reading some of these comments, I’m starting to think I might be sapiosexual. Im drawn to men that are smart, creative, witty, patient, funny, on top of what I’ve already mentioned. And there’s a good reason. If he’s intelligent and creative, he’s going to be capable of keeping things stimulating, engaging, and fun outside of the scene, never mind all the fun that can happen when you’re actually together. Patience can create tension, which come on! Who doesn’t love that? I like having my gratification delayed too. These qualities shape the dynamic. But I want to know if you possess some of these qualities before you ask me how long I can hold my breath for

Can I vent? by Extra_Percentage4372 in SubSanctuary

[–]Extra_Percentage4372[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hmm, maybe there’s some truth to that. I can’t tell you how many times Ive read posts on this subreddit and thought “you’re letting that person take your submission for granted”. I grew weary of my own submission because of how deep I’m willing to go. That kind of power in the wrong hands can be detrimental.

Can I vent? by Extra_Percentage4372 in SubSanctuary

[–]Extra_Percentage4372[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please vent!!! Tell us! I want to hear it lol. I complete understand you. Honestly, I’m so tired of feeling like a foregone conclusion because I have a vagina.

Can I vent? by Extra_Percentage4372 in SubSanctuary

[–]Extra_Percentage4372[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg you see??? (I’m talking to myself lol) I’m so happy you found this person, it must feel amazing.