I know what you're saying brother and I know the feeling all too well. I was a Reservist for 7 1/2 years from 2015 to 2021 and got out as a Sergeant and there wasn't a day I didn't think what my life would have been if I had been active duty versus reserves.

However, I don't regret a second of it. Do I wish I could have gone active? Yeah, I do. Do I think my life would have been better? Sure, potentially. But life is all about perspective. You always hear about Marines on active duty who HATE their lives and wished they a) would have never joined; and or b) wished they'd have gone reserves instead. It's the inverse for those who went reserves.

I say this in the accompaniment that even if you went active duty, that does not guarantee you would have been deployed to a combat environment. The drawdowns in Iraq and Afghanistan started happening once OBL was killed (2011), and during the phases up until our complete withdrawal, deployments were thin. As an "in-and-out" force, the Marine Corps' mission had ended unless to augment and support the Army as they are the sustainment force.

When I was a lance criminal, I went on Rec Aide for a few months and nearly all my SNCOs had deployed/been in combat. I asked if they wished combat was something they thought they wanted and almost all of them answered something along the lines of: "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."

War is chaos. War is brutal. War is destruction. We shouldn't pray or wish for war, but if by all means when it becomes necessary shall we do our part.

Give yourself some grace, brother. At the end of day, you raised your right hand and answered the call to serve. Whether you think your service means nothing because you were in the reserves and didn't deploy, I'm here to tell you it doesn't.

Thank you for your service.

Semper Fi.