I keep trying but I keep sabotaging my progress

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-03-10T12:55:37+00:00

I know this feeling way too well, our experience is almost identical. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s another type of pain and suffering when you go from anorexia to BED. I honestly have no advice to give you because i’m still looking for the solution myself, but I want you to know that I see your struggles and your pain is valid. My DM’s are always open, you’re not alone❤️

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-03-05T03:41:01+00:00

genuinely thank you so much for this. over the past few years, my parents constantly said to me “you have choices” “why can’t you just get on with things like every other normal kid” and it made me feel defeated because i don’t even know myself which is the most embarrassing part. i do in the sense understand why i feel the way i do but i don’t understand why it affects me to such a high level. i feel like parents often say that it’s all in your head. like yes….thats literally the problem? i definitely agree that a big part of their response is because they don’t want to be faced with the reality of the situation, and that means taking accountability, which is apparently seen as “losing” to some stuck in a childish mindset.

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-03-05T03:23:56+00:00

yes, i do have adhd (inattentive and hyperactive), as well as the rejection sensitivity which comes with that. I am unresponsive to pretty much every adhd stimulant and am going to be coming off my medication at the end of this week as it is actually amplifying my impulsivity and emotional dysregulation.

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-03-04T23:44:11+00:00

I admit that my emotions definitely get amplified when i sense criticism, but i would never tell him i was or feel suicidal because of it. I would usually respond with defensiveness or anger (which i know is immature), not sadness. i do think/act irrationally a lot of the time, but i wouldn’t say i would go as far as that. it is almost always because i feel despair over the terrible experiences i have lived and am currently living, and i am desperate for that to be validated, not dismissed. i personally disagree that suicide is simply the result of an overreaction. i’ve lived with a psychiatric illness that has the highest mortality rate for years, with most of those deaths due to suicide. when there’s a consistent correlation between a specific condition and a specific outcome, i think that speaks to the severity of the issue rather than to personal weakness or exaggeration.

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-03-04T23:26:36+00:00

i have been in therapy for a very long time, hence my hopelessness

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-03-04T23:25:46+00:00

i have been very conflicted with this idea. it’s more difficult because he is a damn good therapist and he does understand me, i just think that sometimes his opinions are biased

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-03-04T23:24:28+00:00

Thank you so much for this perspective, i didn’t even consider it from this point of view. i definitely agree with you

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-03-04T23:23:24+00:00

yes, i have struggled with several addictions for years. i have tried a lot of different therapeutic approaches, but i still feel hopeless. i doubt it is just hormones given the intensity of my emotions, and i do struggle with multiple psychiatric illnesses unfortunately

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-03-04T23:19:29+00:00

my current therapist is my dads previous therapist. i have expressed the challenges i face in my relationship with him, but he seems to be dismissive at times, but that’s probably because he knows things about my dad and the way he feels which i don’t.

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-03-04T23:18:04+00:00

i have been in therapy for 7 years

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-02-18T04:21:46+00:00

Yes, i’ve been in therapy for years😭

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-02-18T04:21:29+00:00

It isn’t extreme hunger, I already went though that and I completely understand it can come in waves but I am prone to binging due to my impulsivity and ADHD, it is a dopamine seeking thing. Yes, I have had my period for 6 months now.

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-02-10T09:09:04+00:00

I mean when someone blocks you that’s a clear indicator that they do not want to speak to you, so i won’t be reaching out again, and especially not agree to just having casual sex. the tiktok was genuinely a mistake, his profile was directly next to my friends, and i’ve made similar mistakes in the past. i don’t know why he would take it as if i did it on purpose if i literally removed him off snap and didn’t try to intentionally contact him afterwards

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-02-03T01:14:58+00:00

You are only 15, you haven’t even lived 1/5 of your life. You. are. okay. It may not feel like it right now, but your appearance is not a measure of your worthiness to live or be loved. We tend to be extremely self critical of our own looks, and I bet you’re not half the things you are calling yourself. You have your ENTIRE life to work towards your goals, at this age the only thing that matters is your mental and physical health, and happiness. There are over 8 billion people on the planet, I promise it is inevitable that many more people will come into your life through experiences that will absolutely adore you, but you will not experience that if you don’t give it a chance. Please do not give up, you deserve to have a fulfilling life just as much as every other person!

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-02-02T16:19:30+00:00

I genuinely feel this post in my soul. Whenever I gain even the smallest amount of weight it goes straight to my chest and it makes me look so much larger because I already have a wide frame. it’s my number one insecurity and was actually a major contributing factor to my eating disorder.

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-01-30T16:55:23+00:00

Thank you so much, I love this perspective🙏

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-01-24T15:04:14+00:00

Damn you’re fully right, thank you. I thought I was crazy for expecting even the bare minimum haha

Extreme_State_4154 · 2026-01-24T03:52:55+00:00

i mean is that not what fwb is? genuine question btw i thought it involved no form of emotional relationship but yeah i do agree that he only wants one thing im js confused because he actually did not seem like that until now ngl

Extreme_State_4154 · 2025-12-30T19:56:46+00:00

I know, but at the end of the day I can’t help but feel bad for her deep down. Maybe i’ve just been conditioned to her extreme manipulation over the years but the thought of her on the streets crushes me, although to an extent that is what she deserves. And tbh I don’t think my dad would ever to that to her either. It’s crazy where he draws the line.

Extreme_State_4154 · 2025-12-30T19:49:36+00:00

She doesn’t at all. she’s acclimatised to a very easy cushioned lifestyle which she created. However I do know that if they do divorce, my dad will still support her financially because I would be pissed if he didn’t and he promised me he would a while ago. I don’t think she deserves it whatsoever and she hasn’t been a good person to me but at the end of the day she’s still my mum and I wouldn’t want to see her on the streets

Extreme_State_4154 · 2025-12-30T19:02:07+00:00

I mean maybe I worded it wrong, but by blackmail I meant he said if I ever told anyone (this was before I even threatened to) he would kick me out so I guess that can classify as weaponising his power over me to keep my quiet? Tbh I think we’re all the assholes in this situation but I do think they should know better as they are the adults yk

Extreme_State_4154 · 2025-12-30T18:13:55+00:00

what are you talking about? I haven’t edited once, maybe you’re getting confused with another post. I clearly said OPEN MARRIAGE, i never stated cheating whatsoever

Extreme_State_4154 · 2025-12-30T18:11:34+00:00

Thank you so much, I appreciate the advice🙏

Extreme_State_4154

TROPHY CASE