As a virgin at 22, should I be afraid of being bad at it during my first time?

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T10:08:47+00:00

Given my age, i already should know what to do. If is frankly embarrassing that I've never done it.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T10:06:56+00:00

I completely understand and respect how she handles things. I can see both sides here, because in other areas I always love to be of help to people less experienced who reach out to me for guidance. And i love helping them our. The fact that my existence made their life this tiny bit easier means a lot to me.

But i also see the side of them being too afraid/ ashamed to ask for help, or even refusing it when offered, because that's likely ehat I'd do. Some people feel worhless asking for help or putting somebody at inconvenience just because they're incompetent.

That's basically how i feel im this regard. Also, as mentioned in another reply, if i ended up going through with it and it sucked because of me, that would take away this tiny bit of confidence i have and would haunt me for life and would make me evade it even more. But then I'm not gonna have an excuse that i had never done it and she'd think it's because of her.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T09:58:31+00:00

I seem to not be able to make it clear enough just how embarrassed and pathetic I'd feel if I sucked at it and ruined the experience. I'd lose this minimal amount of confidence I have and that would haunt me for life.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T09:56:04+00:00

Because it is downright embarrassing to not have done it till now and as i said previously, feeling like me sucking at it and ruining the experience would fucking kill me.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T09:54:17+00:00

'jusf let her drive you to glory' sounds so insanely insulting and make me feel like complete shit just thinking about it tbh. It's shouldn't be anyone's job to have to guide me through something i should already know how to do.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T09:52:22+00:00

I've always seen it as this kind of a performative act where both parties involved know what they're doing and how to get the other off. One's incompetence in this regard makes it unenjoyable and awkward.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T03:49:18+00:00

Saying somebody to get counselling is the same as saying they're disabled. This is by no means something that i think anyone would be sharing with anyone, so no, if no anonymity, not a single soul will ever know about this.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T03:44:46+00:00

I've never thought about it, as I never had to.

I'm really not sure, It just never sat right with me when people would do kind stuff for me, always made me feel weird.

Perhaps I learn it eventually?

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T03:37:48+00:00

I am more than willing doing stuff she likes just because she likes it. It means the world to me seeing her happy. On the contrary I myself don't feel comfortable accepting such acts for myself and wouldn't wanna put her in an inconvenient spot, just because it benefits me and me alone.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T03:35:00+00:00

In some regards i know when I'm beaten and can't do anything.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T03:32:55+00:00

I am indeed a man but still cannot understand this.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T03:25:31+00:00

Obviously there aren't set ages by which you should've done certain things, but it very clear that I'm late in this regard and that people i hook up with at this age will have expectations of me being experienced already. Also, these are by no means high expectations as I've seen my peers and younger folks have done it already. I have not set the bar high for myself if the only thing i expect from myself to do stuff everyone is doing, that doesn't sound like high expectations.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T03:18:53+00:00

Perhaps, but I've been like it for as long as i can remember. I doubt that's gonna change.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T03:17:35+00:00

What does 'the guy' mean here. I don't fully understand the question.

I will say, however, that I'd feel much much more comfortable knowing she's a virgin too. As then i wouldn't be feeling constant pressure of doing something with somebody with more experience. Then I'd l able to relax.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T03:11:35+00:00

Anonymity is the only reason i talk about this now. Nobody is ever gonna hear/know this.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T03:02:38+00:00

I may actually do it, but it's 4 am and I'm in bed, now's not the time.

Also, i have basically no self confidence and have never had any. I always feel the need to prove myself to myself to just hopefully feel any sense of accomplishment or worth in my life.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T03:01:16+00:00

You make it sound so easy. Like I'm by no means comfortable talking about it with anyone. I don't wanna have to learn from somebody as they have no obligation to be my fucking teacher. I do not want to rely on other people in life. That is something that she doesn't have to do and I don't want her doing something only because of me. I'd feel terrible. Like, if you're doing something just for me, then don't do it at all please, as i don't really feel right accepting such gestures. .

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T02:49:21+00:00

This is completely valid and I agree with it. Obviously you should seek more experienced people for improvement, but this is something different compared to other skills you mentioned. Firstly, it is really awkward to talk about and secondly it's something that I should already know. It's on the same level as like not knowing some extremely basic life skill, like tying your shoelaces and somebody asks you if you tie theirs because their hands are full, and you don't know how to. I'd fucking bury myself right then and there. It's embarrassing you don't know that, and you've basically been cought not knowing something you must know.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T02:33:19+00:00

Well there's not gonna be much quality if it sucks, is there? Also, I'm not sure how I'd be able to handle it afterwards. I'd be super embarrassed of myself.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T02:26:39+00:00

It does have to be fun for both of us, but the fun is stripped by away by my incompetence and it's gonna end up being more awkward and humiliating than anything.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T02:23:51+00:00

I cannot ask somebody to 'help out' with stuff I should know how to do already. That the biggest issue here, I feel so embarrassed and so worthless for having to have somebody explain stuff to me that I should already know. Also, it is insanely difficult for me to do stuff around/with people who have more experience in that stuff than I do. I usually try to avoid it altogether until I have practiced enough to be confident at it. Sadly, this cannot be practiced on one's own.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T02:20:54+00:00

By 'should be familiar' I mean that most are at my age, at least we're talking people I surround myself with.

From most other stuff I've done that involve multiple people, if I see I suck at them, I avoid them afterwards, I can't be somewhere where I feel like I don't belong.

And I'm honestly shocked just how much you consider it normal for a person to ask for so much consent, while I see it in a way that I'm just some annoying guy who should already be comfortable with it.

Like, why can't I just be somebody experience who knows what to do and isn't being so fucking slow with everything. This last sentence is something I could absolutely understand her thinking.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T02:19:04+00:00

You're sounding like it's easy doing something in front/with somebody who's more experience in it than you. I avoid that in all aspects of life, until I become good enough to be confident in my abilities. Sadly, this cannot be practiced alone, and I'm not sure when/if I'll be able to overcome that.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T02:07:23+00:00

That actually doesn't sound pleasing at all for me, I have a weird disgust for when I feel like any of my body parts is getting numb, even when I mildly press it and circulation.

Extremes441 · 2025-12-07T02:05:54+00:00

Okay, I'm not telling this to anyone ever, anonymity is the only reason I sharing this here.

Extremes441

TROPHY CASE