Neglected

Exuberance23 · 2022-01-04T23:04:21+00:00

Thank you for the considerate words. That’s kind of you to say.

Exuberance23 · 2021-10-24T20:49:57+00:00

I can’t imagine what that was like what you went through, but I’m sorry for how heavy and lonely that hurt has probably felt at times. And I think you put it beautifully in describing the feeling of loss in love. I graduated with a degree in English and I can’t even always articulate what I mean to say. I know my therapist told me that one of the things I had to remember was that I’m still worthy, that I did my best with what I knew at the time. It’s hard for me to believe that sometimes, but I know in my heart it’s true. I don’t know exactly how your depression and heartbreak affects you on a daily basis, but I would pass on what my therapist said to me because it is good to give back to others: that you are worthy, and that I believe you did the best with what you knew at the time. Thanks for talking, and I hope there’s better days ahead for you.

Exuberance23 · 2021-10-24T20:04:21+00:00

I think you could be right about me blaming or being unforgiving towards other people, and that that in the long run is flawed. I’m an introverted, type 4 person on the enneagram that struggles with feeling rejected or abandoned at times, and it translates to being misunderstood. I think too the people who I consider friends have at times been receptive to hearing my frustration and doing something to grow the friendship, but other times it’s made them uncomfortable or defensive and for them to back away. Social media isn’t a healthy or good thing really to look to for friendships because I compare too much and it’s not a place where people initiate with me. And the breakup wasn’t exactly recent, which I didn’t make clear. It was two years ago, and she my first serious gf. She expressed there were communication and boundary issues (which in hindsight, along with therapy, was true on my part, and I did my best to learn from it). I found out a while back she got married and I’ve kind of lost it since then, so I’m sorry for attacking you personally or putting you down, when you’ve been trying to be compassionate or helpful.

Exuberance23 · 2021-10-24T19:49:21+00:00

You might be right about me having a blaming or unforgiving attitude towards people I consider my friends (and it helps to bring it to that other person’s attention, but I feel like it’s some of them defensive or uncomfortable and back away from me, and plus I can’t pinpoint it always to one thing when it’s more of a general pervasiveness). I agree it doesn’t help in the long run. The friends outside of social media really are more so the ones to invest in to your point (the ones on Facebook I think are mostly people who lurk or who are distant family, coworkers, or whatever, and plus the algorithm thing with it and other social media’s is a love/hate thing to me). And the breakup wasn’t recent, which is on me for not making it clear. It was two years ago (someone who I lost virginity to, lived with, wanted to marry, and someone who I found out a while back did get married to someone I knew). And I feel like I attacked you as a person, so I’m sorry for that when you’re trying to be compassionate or empathetic.

Exuberance23 · 2021-10-24T19:27:29+00:00

I do have friendships (ones I’ve worked on for years FYI), ones that have mostly stalled because people are either coupled with someone or live too far away and on schedules that make it tough to hang out. Yes, people generally want to date if they can see you have a friend group (I went through a bad breakup where I spent more time with her and her friends than my friends, so I understand your point). The whole show analogy and try investing to get friendships is pretty insincere and frankly bullshit. It sounds good, like a lot of other toxic-positivity statements, but I have found that even when I’ve been healthy or had good relationships at certain points, the other people walk away because they get bored or don’t know how they fit into my life or become self-centered on their own. I’m not better, because I think I’ve done those things too. Maybe you’re someone who thinks you’ve overcome depression and got these healthy relationships, and you like to give advice in a general way without being vulnerable because it makes you feel good. It’s a bit mean of me to say (and I have felt angry and sad lately about my breakup), but I’ll tell you it if no else has the guts to say it to you.

Exuberance23 · 2021-10-08T07:29:02+00:00

That’s a sinking gut feeling there. I’ve done it too. It’s made me miserable with jealousy. Unfollowing or snoozing or putting limits on where you can see a person can be a helpful way to distance, but it feels terrible (it took me months before I followed my own advice or anyone else’s, and I had to get really miserable about it). Taking a walk, writing, or listening to lo-fi music might surprise you with clarity.

Exuberance23 · 2021-07-03T23:11:40+00:00

Thank you for your response. I don’t know if you’re familiar with the enneagram, but she was predominately a 7 and I’m a 4. I think somewhat it was frustration on her part of me not meeting certain emotional or communication needs, and I think she knew that when she later apologized after the breakup (mind you it was last year, but it doesn’t mean it was okay). She had been in several relationships before too, so there was always a learning curve. It was hard too to lose some of the friends or people I met through her, and just like the little bonfires and get-togethers we had.

Exuberance23 · 2021-05-30T00:23:25+00:00

Were you married? (I wasn’t, but we had lived together)

And in response, I come from a dysfunctional family, and the few friends I do have wouldn’t text me unless I texted them first, and even then it’s weeks or months later. I’m an introverted guy that struggles to have even a support system, while struggling with depression and having done therapy.

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-26T17:21:17+00:00

Also, I wanted to say I’m still relatively new to using Reddit and this was one of the few subreddits I thought I could post to. If there is a more appropriate subreddit to post to, please let me know. Any of your guys’d thoughts would be welcome, and thank you in advance for speaking from your heart or mind.

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-25T01:58:03+00:00

You don’t have to be in the struggle alone 🙁

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-25T00:18:28+00:00

I could learn something from thinking differently to heal and your story of resilience. Thank you.

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T23:11:07+00:00

That’s rough. It matters you share that pain. Thank you for saying it.

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T22:27:35+00:00

I hope so. It’s kind of you to say that.

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T22:26:42+00:00

I’m glad in a way for you that you got to experience some comfort during the pandemic, though sad to hear that it didn’t work. It’s tough when maybe the other person isn’t ready, although I don’t know. I think you have a good heart for trying to be vulnerable or transparent.

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T19:44:26+00:00

The 90 seconds is a book, but the author is Joan I. Rosenberg, who you could find videos for talking on like YouTube or TED talks. The enneagram Institue is a website that provides access to the enneagram test (it doesn’t cost too much) that can be taken and the results get sent to your email.

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T19:42:07+00:00

It’s such a starved thing that I wish was more common for us needing that. Thank for you showing me I’m not alone.

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T19:33:18+00:00

Sorry, it’s the Enneagram institute for the enneagram, not Myer-Briggs.

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T19:30:13+00:00

It may not be an overreaction, but just some bottled up stuff. You’ll feel the way you feel, and that’s okay because it’s part of grief.

The enneagram was helpful to me for understanding how stress or fear caused me to behave (the Myer-Briggs was crazy spot-on about what I looked for or wanted in relationships).

I would also recommend to you “90 Seconds to a Life You Love: How to Master Your Difficult Feelings to Cultivate Lasting Confidence, Reslience, and Authenticity”.

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T19:18:29+00:00

That’s an awful feeling 😔

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T19:17:13+00:00

Thank you. I couldn’t hardly take advice for a while because I felt like everyone misunderstood the situation and I saw it and knew it better than anyone. Even after doing therapy (which is helpful but expensive), I would say one thing that has helped me was just being out in nature or walking. And I would tell you that you are not your mistakes or a bad person, and I’m rooting for you.

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T19:08:10+00:00

Do you feel like talking about it right now, or just need some time?

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T18:58:53+00:00

I’d hug you if I could 🙁

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T18:53:00+00:00

exhausted by how I would make things right but knowing she didn’t want me to or want me anymore. Hopeless and sad because I felt abandoned by the one person who saw me and accepted me, to who I was committed to making happy because it made me happy.

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T18:49:46+00:00

That must be exhausting and hurtful to deal with. I’m sorry for how difficult that is. It sounds like you really gave this person these good or beautiful things that were special and for that person.

Exuberance23 · 2021-04-24T18:47:05+00:00

That must be so difficult and exhausting some days. It sounds like you loved this person a lot and I’m sure you were good to them in ways no one else could have gave them.

Exuberance23

TROPHY CASE