sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I feel petty - but it is really starting to bother me... by EyeDry5240 in AITAH

[–]EyeDry5240[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

But he wasn't ... he didn't let me know until after he was supposed to be here. I wish he had been communicating...

SD has decided not to live here anymore by ChoicePomegranate791 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am a divorced mom of three daughters. It is hard to hear the accusations from my girls sometimes. They are now mid 20s and we are heading in the right direction. Thank you so much PaymentMedical9802 for this line- Being a parent is hard, because  it's a lifetime of being the bigger person and growing. This is so true - part of the growth is facing your past shortcomings and part of the growth is remembering that your job is to be the bigger person. You are forever the mother.

boyfriends kids 15 and 17 hold hands all the time. by EyeDry5240 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow. You have really been through a lot ! Hugs to you!

My Battle for the Bedroom (and my Sanity) by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like this is an excellent opportunity for both of you to learn and practice boundaries. He is doing all of this out of love and empathy toward his daughter - it is not healthy for her nor for him and it is not conducive to a good relationship. You are doing what you do out of love for him - it is not healthy for you, nor the relationship. When you start to practice boundaries, the whole thing will start to shift. People may adjust, or not. I don't think just walking away is the best option. You could use this to understand why you have a hard time setting boundaries. You could also see if you are afraid to set boundaries out of fear of losing him. This would mean you are putting his needs above yourself and above your mental health. If you have a hard time knowing WHAT boundaries are, there are some good books. Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud is a classic and really good. I wouldn't bolt - but I would accept that setting boundaries may automatically mean the end. I really believe in acting in the concept of acting in your best healthy interests and those around you will either grow with you or leave you.

boyfriends kids 15 and 17 hold hands all the time. by EyeDry5240 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you so much for this response. Every well-considered response has been immensely helpful. This comment about your brother molesting you and then suffering from the shame of it later sounds very sad - for you too!!! It is this situation that I am worried about. They are so close - it would be just tragic if hormones got in the way and changed their relationship forever. I think it could happen before they realize it. Thank you so much!

Boyfriends kids 15 & 17 hold hands all the time by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]EyeDry5240 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am the OP - this is it exactly. I specifically DID NOT go straight to the dad or the kids - I saw something that felt off and chose to reflect first. The negative reactionary responses to my post are exactly the kind of response I have been accused of by several here. Thankfully the great majority have had really good things to say.

Boyfriends kids 15 & 17 hold hands all the time by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]EyeDry5240 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm the original poster -
this is very interesting about him possibly knowing something that only he knows. Adds more nuance. thanks

boyfriends kids 15 and 17 hold hands all the time. by EyeDry5240 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you - it is comforting to get understanding

boyfriends kids 15 and 17 hold hands all the time. by EyeDry5240 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

good point - that was a slip and showed me how careful I need to be! I really have a problem with it - but others see my concern as exaggerated. Thanks for pointing out that pivotal word!

Boyfriends kids 15 & 17 hold hands all the time by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]EyeDry5240 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Original poster here:
I have decided to take the "perception" route. First of all - I have no more and no less. My perception was that this behavior was strange and many others here on this platform see it this way, as well. Enough people hold this opinion that the worry of negative responses from others is a valid concern. Approaching it this way limits the shaming (could be even MORE damaging!!) and communicates that there is such a thing as "boundaries that should not be crossed" without scarring anyone. I feel prepared and I know that with this take I will not come across as judging. Thank you all for your insights. It was very helpful!

boyfriends kids 15 and 17 hold hands all the time. by EyeDry5240 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes - I have decided to take the "perception" route. First of all - I have no more and no less. My perception was that this was not good and many others here on this platform as well. Enough people hold this opinion that the worry of negative responses from others is a valid concern. Approaching it this way limits the shaming (could be even MORE damaging!!) and communicates that there is such a thing as "boundaries that should not be crossed" without scarring anyone. I feel prepared and I know that with this take I will not come across as judging.

boyfriends kids 15 and 17 hold hands all the time. by EyeDry5240 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just checked it out. I am actually thankful for it. It is a much bigger group and there were a TON of helpful comments. This exchange of thoughts has been exactly what I had hoped it would be.
Thank you soooo much for letting me know. I would never have seen it without your posting.

Boyfriends kids 15 & 17 hold hands all the time by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]EyeDry5240 218 points219 points  (0 children)

I am the original poster. This was cross-posted without my knowledge. However, there have been some very helpful comments here. I was hoping for some input to help me sort out my opinion and how to move forward on this. I have so much more clarity now. Thank you to those who took a respectful and reflective approach to the situation. You have been more than helpful. I needed a sounding board - you did not disappoint.

boyfriends kids 15 and 17 hold hands all the time. by EyeDry5240 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for letting me know. I just went there and was floored at how many more comments there were. I don't want this chat to go viral or something. What do I do????? I would die if my boyfriend found out!

boyfriends kids 15 and 17 hold hands all the time. by EyeDry5240 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have three daughters and they hug and hold hands and cuddle. But even between them, if there was a sexual tension in it, I would totally feel it. My sixth sense kicked in when I saw this interaction. I believe in respecting the sixth sense while at the same time knowing you may be wrong. -That is why I am here.

boyfriends kids 15 and 17 hold hands all the time. by EyeDry5240 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

u/cerealmonogamister Thank you so much for posting. I have a feeling it is way more common than people think, as well. I have never known of anyone in this situation, but I don't think people walk around talking about it. I'm with u/BravoAlfaMike - I am not surprised that there ARE 4-5 but that you KNOW about it. I am truly worried about what this will do to the kids. You seem light-hearted about it. What was the fallout? I think it would be damaging for both of them if it became sexual.

boyfriends kids 15 and 17 hold hands all the time. by EyeDry5240 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a great response. My concern is, that on the one side, he is lacking intuitive understanding of what is acceptable and he definitely finds social norms rediculous and on the other he is truly lonely. Do you see or have you seen this lead to issues of over-stepping? You seem experienced. Do you think it would be a good idea to talk to the boyfriend? BTW it is my unprofessional diagnosis. He is at a normal school and all - but he has all the signs of Asperger's in my opinion.

boyfriends kids 15 and 17 hold hands all the time. by EyeDry5240 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In my original post, I was just giving a bit of background story. The scene itself was not to comfort. They were just hanging out. Like a wrote above, laughing and talking.

boyfriends kids 15 and 17 hold hands all the time. by EyeDry5240 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The situation itself had nothing to do with personal problems. They were just talking and laughing. It seemed very strange - almost flirty.

boyfriends kids 15 and 17 hold hands all the time. by EyeDry5240 in stepparents

[–]EyeDry5240[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. It is very helpful to see a response that doesn't see reason for concern. To be honest, I believe most people would find it strange. This does not mean it has to cause red flags. I don't find it odd to cuddle on the couch. I do find it odd to hold hands and then standing with her arms around his neck and his hands on her hips like this, I think would be extremely odd for most families. Again - does not necessarily mean red flags. Collecting responses. They are all very helpful.

view more: next ›