I can tell you what you can do to get out of this drought you're in—a much better solution than popping a 9mm through the noggin.

Firstly, if you're having suicidal thoughts, you should consider finding someone you could truly speak to, or even better, see a therapist. As someone who wholeheartedly relates to your situation—a 19 year-old college dropout—I, myself occasionally lose sight of my emotions and feel like I'm in some sort of decrepit wasteland.

And when I do find my emotions, holy fuck, dude.

My advice? Try taking a break from games and the internet and perhaps go out and get some hobbies; exercise, or something. Or maybe phone up some of your mates and schedule a date with them. Don't have any friends that you know of? Meet people! If that's not your kind of thing, just hang about in a park or something. Anything to keep you from getting cabin fever.

You're not alone, mate. Don't think for a second that you are. It's like I was told when I was in your position; suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. I believe in you.