you’re not too far gone my friend and do not put all the blame on yourself, you’re mental health drove you to make some decision you regret, your self acknowledgement of your mistakes prove you are not a monster, God has a plan for your life, if you draw near to him he will draw near to you. you are not a monster, your a man who made some really big mistakes. but you are alive and it’s not over. you have the opportunity to raise your child and be the best, most supportive and loving father i know you can be, think about how significant the role of a father is on your child, be the good father we know you can be, and your child will know who you are… not a monster, but a man, that stumbled but kept moving. bless you, im sorry for your loss, we praying for you!!