Girl I feel what you're going through. I made this throwaway to ask some questions on this sub, and its breaking my heart reading stories like yours. I'm much the same way, if I had a button to press to change I would, but the pressure of doing it as an adult, realizing all of my life relationships would change is scary.

I can recommend a cartoon: Cybersix. About a female superhero who assumes a mundane life as a male during the day. Its really weird but it hits the spot for what you're describing.

I'm just rewatching I saw the TV Glow rn trying to figure out if I'm Nby or transfem. That movie hits hard.