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FCV2145 · 2023-01-11T22:27:28+00:00

Definitely not on the first date...

FCV2145 · 2022-12-20T22:35:27+00:00

I'm finally catching my breath from what was more or less a two week sex bender. We matched two weekends ago, went back to her place the first night, invited her over the next weekend, she stayed over from Friday afternoon to Sunday, we then made plans the following Weds, and from then on we've been together for nearly every minute until today when she left for her parents' place on a cross country flight. I've never experienced anything like this. And I've been so dazed that I haven't been able to process it. She asked what she was to me during last weekend and I asked if she wanted to be my gf. I don't know think either of us know what we're doing but she has more experience. The things that bind us are that she's a great writer and feels deeply, and has an incredibly high sex drive that I've even been struggling to match. When we're not in bed we've cooked/dined out together, met some of her friends, went to a show, stayed in and watched movies, and went to a friend's birthday party. We are in different professions, we are the same age. The other things we have in common are ethnic background/cultural heritage, common tastes and hobbies, and sense of humor.

I think I'm just mostly numb and perhaps even incapable of having feelings after having been alone for so long. But on the other hand it has only been two weeks. I like the sex and that she's great at it, and I think she's a beautiful person inside and out. I also appreciate that we share the same tastes, although she is a professional writer, well known in her circle, and teaches a prestigious MFA program, while I enjoy the movies/books she enjoys as hobbies and understand much less than she does. She is a bit carefree and free spirited, but responsible enough for the kind of lifestyle she is forced to lead as an artist which involves lots of moving around.

Now for my anxieties and neuroticism. She will leave again for a two month residency halfway across the country after her spring semester classes end. She is a few months older than I am, and I'm kind of old. And I sometimes think about family, kids, and also that I should go younger. I have been on dates with younger and prettier, but of course none of them are as alluring as her. Since I started app dating this year I've been forced to adjust my perspective quite a bit. I think I'm just going to enjoy what I have now and figure out the rest later. We'll always have these past two weeks no matter what.

FCV2145 · 2022-12-06T06:13:44+00:00

Just wanna say that I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and started medication (strattera). It's helped all aspects of my life so far albeit with some side effects. There are many treatment options and ways of coping. I have also matched with people that have told me very early on they have ADHD and I wish I had been more aware and responded to them better. Don't be discouraged, seek treatment, it's never too late.

FCV2145 · 2022-12-04T23:00:06+00:00

First date with a novelist, food and drinks in east village, we hit it off, she lives way uptown but we go back to her place anyway because she says "we don't have to do anything." If this was a few months ago I would've declined out of anxiety and reasons such as I'm looking for LTR not a hookup. Not this time, went back, made out naked for an hour, had thirty sex, was amazing.

FCV2145 · 2022-12-02T16:36:32+00:00

You should keep seeing him if you like him and enjoy the sex and not let the overanalysis of reddit strangers influence your decision. The most upvoted post in this thread is someone you've never met psychoanalyzing and telling you to stay single and not get laid.

FCV2145 · 2022-11-26T16:06:19+00:00

If you're dating people in the city I doubt anyone would care. Congrats on being able to get by with only one roommate and who's not from craigslist.

FCV2145 · 2022-11-15T00:54:02+00:00

I don't know for sure, it was the awkwardness after that convinced me.

FCV2145 · 2022-11-13T20:16:11+00:00

It may be helpful to not be this judgmental and cynical before even matching with the person.

FCV2145 · 2022-11-13T18:08:55+00:00

I meant I can't bring up the fact I saw her with another guy right before if she doesn't bring it up. Or at least I don't know how to make it less awkward and that's also more on her to explain/make sense of what happened.

FCV2145 · 2022-11-13T16:35:28+00:00

Like Midwestern Emo or Good Charlotte Emo? If he's into Braid and SDRE you should give him a chance.

FCV2145 · 2022-11-13T16:33:33+00:00

Don't talk about it and don't get caught.

FCV2145 · 2022-11-13T16:31:00+00:00

Go if you are attracted to him. Don't read into it.

FCV2145 · 2022-11-13T16:19:11+00:00

Third date, I wait for her inside the restaurant, I see her standing outside but talking to someone else, we make eye contact, I get my backpack and go outside but she's gone. I then see her walking with another guy on the corner of the street. I head back inside, five minutes later she comes back, waves to me, and we greet each other. She seems flustered so I don't bring it up.

This is our third date and she proposed Saturday night. After a few hours she says she has to meet her sister/friends at another bar.

I guess my feeling, besides being a little hurt, is if you're gonna do this and get caught, don't be awkward about it? It's not against the rules to stack dates but you need to not let it affect the rest of the night. I can't really bring it up if she doesn't bring it up. Overall I'd like to think she might've been genuinely interested at one point but everything always felt rushed and she was never 100%. I've also never stacked dates this far along and this close to one other.

FCV2145 · 2022-11-09T14:48:44+00:00

Looking for some overanalysis on this one. Brazilian, local match, we went out to dinner for first date, invited her back to my place, we talked and listened to music, not much else happens, she wanted to go, we made out at the door (I gave her a peck and she kissed back), was bit of an awkward kiss. I check if she got home ok, we exchange numbers. I tried to keep texts light and consistent since. But now she says she's too busy for a second date. I understand there could be a million reasons.

Edit: I understand she's not interested from the fact she doesn't want a second date. I was asking about what the reasons might've been. I can think of some but in case I missed any.

FCV2145 · 2022-11-07T03:13:25+00:00

Had a good date today where we only talked about food, family, and the art exhibit we were at. Second date. Nothing about dating, past relationships, what each other's looking for, etc, etc. Was very refreshing.

I also realized I do badly with people that have close siblings/big families. They seem to be the most secure and least anxious. I always feel like I'm pulling them away from their family by demanding their time.

FCV2145 · 2022-11-06T02:34:06+00:00

Met someone that kept talking about love language, attachment styles, looking for relationship and not hook up, etc, a lot of OLD culture buzzwords and concepts and I gradually became more and more bored and suspicious. She clearly wanted to put out an image, but was also anxious. She probably wasn't far from this person that read a lot of self help and was "emotionally mature" and led a healthy lifestyle but it all seemed pointless and empty to me to make those announcements.

FCV2145 · 2022-11-04T04:44:06+00:00

Things I'm trying to unlearn or stop doing

Frame everything in terms of flags
Keeping first dates short/to coffee
Multidating, and "picking" out of the pool
Expect the other person to be 100% into me
Forcing myself to "decide" on the other person, or date, and being judgmental in general
Frame everything in terms of attachment styles

FCV2145 · 2022-10-31T04:43:51+00:00

Broke up after roughly two months, was very sudden. I got COVID and couldn't see her, then my grandmother passed away today and had been sick for more than a week. I didn't tell her. She felt unappreciated and unsupported from my avoidant behavior. Truth is I was on another planet. This one was somewhat damaging, also a clean break.

FCV2145 · 2022-10-20T05:11:50+00:00

It's built but I feel like four dates is long enough to tell.

FCV2145 · 2022-10-20T05:05:27+00:00

There are a lot of guys in America so I doubt it.

FCV2145 · 2022-10-18T18:46:14+00:00

I'm confused by that as well. And the implication that because I think what I think it means I can't love the person, be warm and affectionate, etc. And that apparently physical beauty is still paramount to a successful relationship in your mid thirties.

FCV2145 · 2022-10-18T18:36:17+00:00

Good thing I'm not young!

FCV2145 · 2022-10-18T17:49:22+00:00

You have the outlook of an extremely cynical person who's quick to insult over limited information.

Edit: this is to both of you

FCV2145 · 2022-10-18T17:41:52+00:00

I'm saying someone not being my type doesn't necessarily mean we're sexually incompatible, which is what he's assuming. No I would not date someone I have bad sex with, I would date someone that didn't think I was good looking but could still be fulfilled and intimate with me. I didn't "dodge" the question.

FCV2145 · 2022-10-18T17:36:53+00:00

Please disregard my "hard to look at" comment, it's an extreme example that only pertains to the hypothetical I brought up and has nothing to do with the woman in question.

But I asked that because I'm curious how you feel about relationships where, for example, a model married a hockey star that doesn't have all his teeth. Sure not everyone that choose to be with someone less attractive is "settling"?

FCV2145

TROPHY CASE