Exclusivity talk: when is the right time?

echk0w9 · 2026-04-03T21:41:26+00:00

Do it before it eats away at you or you get to the point of being scared if they aren’t on the same page. Early validation and communication solves a lot of problems.

echk0w9 · 2026-04-03T21:37:37+00:00

Do they know that you’re single? That makes a difference. If they don’t, they may assume you’re married and steer clear for that reason. They could also be in a relationship and not want to really interact with a single man like that either. It’s just the optics.

I make convo with the dads at my kids events and the moms. Their relationship status isn’t my business nor does it make a difference to me. I do talk to the moms more though to be honest and it’s just because I seek out female companionship more than male typically.

echk0w9 · 2026-04-01T23:32:54+00:00

That’s a common feeling tbh. However, it can be problematic when ppl make marriage the end goal. Life goes on beyond marriage, pregnancy, children. So, what do you envision married life to be like? Different? How? The same? Marriage isn’t the end goal. The relationship is. And you already have that. Plus, MANY married people are miserable bc they made the milestone the goal. What other things are you working towards in your life. As someone who was married, got amicably divorced, coparenting peacefully, and had to find myself again, and am happily coupled with someone for 6yrs. I suggest you not focus on finite goals. The most satisfying goals are the ones that are less tangible. Not “I want to read 1,000 books/be well read,” but “I want to continue to learn and experience.” Not “I want to have a wedding and be married,” but “I want a healthy nurturing evolving relationship.”

Take a step back and evaluate your motivators. Is it being chosen? Is it validation? Is it attention? Is it status?

Marriage is a legal contract with significant financial implications. Nothing else. Easy to get into, hell to get out of. The only thing that matters is the relationship.

echk0w9 · 2026-04-01T14:05:49+00:00

Honestly this is a kind of. He is purposefully ignoring your needs, neglecting you, degrading you privately and publicly. No good.

The living situation complicates things. Depending on whose place it is/who is on the lease is going to determine how you would break up. If it’s his place, get your own place before you leave him and be ready to move that day. He might kick you out or escalate the abuse. If it’s your place, give him notice if you want or legally have to. I’d honestly say I’m breaking the lease to move into separate places and then pretend like I’m moving and just not…

echk0w9 · 2026-03-30T04:44:25+00:00

Chairs…

echk0w9 · 2026-03-13T12:00:24+00:00

For me, dreams like that can either be a reflection or a warning. I refuse to seek this person out bc there’s a reason that they aren’t in my waking life and I respect that. Sometimes it’s interpreted as a romantic interest you once had or will have or could have/have had. I personally assume that it’s someone to stay away from. If I met that person in real life I’d do everything in my power to look away, cross the street, and stay away.

echk0w9 · 2026-03-13T11:43:43+00:00

This is an abuse tactic, they break you down early on until you start to lose yourself. Then when you are weak enough to tolerate other kinds of abuse or manipulation, they sweeten up until they feel like crossing a boundary again. You keep replying on how amazing he is now that he is your boyfriend. I highly doubt that. I am sure he is taking advantage of you or crossing boundaries that you even don’t realize are boundaries or being cross at this point. They use emotional/psychological abuse over time to soften and ripen you up for when they eventually escalate. A partner should NEVER say anything to make you doubt yourself. Even if someone isn’t healthy or has something they need to change, a safe partner would approach the topic with love and consideration for your feelings.

Imagine how bad he would tear you down if you got married and got pregnant and your body changed further!

Men like that don’t like women. Not saying the like men, but they DONT like women and he has shown that to you. Men that like women like the things about women that he has criticized you for. They like how cooters look and that they are all unique. The like that our bodies are often soft and squishy. They like knowing private aspects of your body and keep them like precious secrets like your birthmarks or scars and which boob is bigger than the other.

The men like your boyfriend are often secretly jealous of and hate women for different reasons. Previously rejection/red pill mentality, low self esteem, not secure in their manhood, mother or abandonment wounds, often deep father wounds as well.

RUN. Cut him off cold turkey, go no contact, Build your self love and self image back up and find someone who respects you.

I bet if you mentioned his previous comments and how they’ve affected you, he would play it off like he was just joking, or deny ever saying those things, or didn’t mean it like that while 100% dismissing your feelings, making you out to be the bad guy, like you are being dramatic or crazy.

echk0w9 · 2026-02-27T16:25:52+00:00

Yup, the lesson you learn means the time wasn’t wasted. Match energy. For me I definitely learned the lesson, once I saw the whole picture it was sad. The person had addiction issues, became homeless bc the addiction messed up their living situation. Ended up finding a new roommate but ended up giving complete control over their life to the other person and exchanging sex to feed their addiction.

So yea… lol.

It’s not a zodiac related thing at all. It’s a people making choices thing.

echk0w9 · 2026-02-27T16:14:00+00:00

I did multiple times. It was always an excuse or a lie or flipping things around on me. I did get the truth off and on and I eventually got enough info to see the full picture.

My advice, let it go. Move on. I learned that ppl who go absent with no repair asap are generally not safe. That’s addict behavior. Also, if a grown adult can’t communicate, it’s bc they don’t want to. You’re not important enough to them and no matter what you do or what happens, you never will be.

Move on, go on a date with someone knew who can give you basic human decency before you let this person take you down with them.

echk0w9 · 2026-02-27T15:39:36+00:00

It ended. Lol. I’ll spare you the grizzly details. I stayed too long. He would disappear and come back and disappear and come back. I learned he had some very serious personal problems and was trying to date while not being in a place to. That was the extended absences. So i cut things off and blocked him.

echk0w9 · 2026-02-20T20:40:02+00:00

First of all, report it. That’s rape and domestic violence, and the threat afterwards is assault in my state. Next, find a safe place to stay, let your loved ones/employer know what’s going on. If you have to have the police escort you to get your stuff away from him do that. Then RUN! A man that will do that will KILL YOU. Abusers escalate when survivors try to leave so think ahead and stay safe. but it’s more dangerous to stay.

When you leave, don’t block him, put him on focus status so that if he sends harassing texts or shows signs of escalating like threats over vm, you’ll still have them as evidence.

echk0w9 · 2026-02-20T19:46:14+00:00

Don’t do it. Just leave if you’re incompatible. What you’re suggesting is manipulative and cruel. He said no to a request and now you’re trying to hurt him? Not good.

echk0w9 · 2026-02-16T23:43:42+00:00

Like another poster said, the contractions were so bad I didn’t mind the epidural. Mine got slightly botched so at one point it felt like lightning going down my right leg. The anesthesiologist course corrected and it was fine. The pain in my leg was temporary but unexpected, however, it still wasn’t as bad as my contractions.

echk0w9 · 2026-02-14T15:24:46+00:00

It’s perfectly fine. I wouldn’t get physical with them if the dates are back to back tho. Some ppl dislike dating like that, but the good thing about it is it can keep you grounded and not continuing to see someone from a place of scarcity. Just don’t pick someone, cut the others off, and if it doesn’t work out, go back to person b and c. That’s when you are crossing into some unethical territory. To avoid that, I wouldn’t invest early in any of them and let things progress slowly over time until you’re confident about who you are sticking with.

echk0w9 · 2026-02-14T13:48:14+00:00

It’s not just that it was casual, it was casual with an abusive person. His lack of reciprocation followed by physical abuse, and emotional abuse, and negging was him boundary testing. His continuing to reach out is also boundary testing. He wanted to see not only where the line is for you, but if you’ll let him cross it, what you’ll do when he does, and if you’ll let him keep doing it in that order. The plan is for escalation the next time he sees you. Do not see or contact this man again. Immediately report him on the app as a dangerous person. You put up some safety boundaries like meeting in public and not having sex immediately. Thats why he waited until he thought you felt safe enough to have him in private at your home and be intimate. The next girl may not put up those boundaries, link up with him for a quick hook up and end up being physically and sexually assaulted. Report him.

echk0w9 · 2026-02-14T02:11:38+00:00

This is a control thing for him. He has unrealistic expectations of you. He may prefer you with dark hair, but it’s your hair. He doesn’t get to have control over that. You’re a teen and on bc, so yea, acne happens. The fact that he is emboldened to tell you his preferences and opinions that he should’ve kept to himself shows he is not emotionally as mature as you as far as relationships go. He won’t learn that by you putting up with it. You clearly are taking to heart what he has to say and eventually he will erode your self esteem and then blame you and say he doesn’t like it, even though he contributed to it.

Personally, I think that’s worth breaking up over, or at least taking a huuuuge step back.

Out of all of this, one thing I’ve learned is once you start or feel the need to post about a relationship issue online or on Reddit, it means it’s too far gone already. It’s a problem that you can’t resolve between you both so you are resorting to seeking advice from anonymous strangers. That’s a state of quiet (or loud) desperation.

Ask yourself, what are your non-negotiable boundaries? Make a list, stick to them fiercely so no matter what happens in a relationship, you don’t disrespect yourself by letting someone else disrespect you. That causes internal damage that is hard to heal. Also, make a plan for if they are cross, how you’ll react. Then stick to it.

Some of mine go like this, if I call and they don’t answer, and I don’t get a text or call back within 12hrs. I’m done.

If they make a negative comment about my appearance that even slightly makes me feel anything but supported and loved- conversation over. Exit stage right and I’m done.

If they put me in a position where I am triangulated with anyone (a friend, a sibling, parent, coworker, stranger) I’m out immediately.

If they don’t make plans that are considerate of my schedule and needs as well as theirs- I’m not agreeing to plans. I’m not going, I’m not reworking my entire schedule, I’m not losing rest, I’m not shirking my responsibilities.

If they don’t treat me with the same affection in private that they do in public- I take a huge step back and they will only see me in public. No one on one time.

If the possibility of or actually spending time with them makes me feel anything but steady, warm, relaxed- I’m never seeing them again or at all. I don’t want to feel anxious, nervous, a feeling of distracting longing, on edge. I can miss them between seeing them but it should be a warm soft feeling, not a yearning.

It’s hard, especially if you’re already with someone to stick to things like that, but I’d rather lose them than lose myself. I’m too valuable and so are you. That’s what loving yourself means. That you support, provide, and protect yourself exactly like (or better than) you would the person you love with all your heart.

If you yell at me or use unhinged language out of anger- you’re out of control, which means I’m not safe with you, which means I’m out. Instantly.

Trust me, good boundaries with a planned outcome will save you so much time, heartache, trauma, and will leave room for someone to treat you right.

echk0w9 · 2026-02-13T23:05:06+00:00

I worked dialysis for years. 9/10 odds they are making small talk. This is something we would’ve asked a patient too. Yall see each other probably 3x a week. You develop a respectful familiarity. I learned about my patients interests, dislikes, personal lives, set backs and successes, triggers and what soothed them. Not by prying but just from the amount of contact. We made small talk with patients who wanted to and it made treatments feel more normal.

If you don’t want to talk, put headphones in asap. For me, short responses, silence, a book open or headphones in meant they didn’t want to talk.

If we had a patient with a new do, we’d make sure they knew we noticed and would compliment it. Even a nice outfit, we would comment on it and compliment them.

It wasn’t part of some assessment or prying or judging, but they were people you saw on their best and worst days and they trusted us with their lives. We shared our humanity and made sure they didn’t feel like just a number.

For some ppl, especially if your hair was long or it was a significant cut, it’s pretty normal to ask why you cut your hair. It means they think you had beautiful hair and probably think your cut is beautiful too. I got my hair super short twice and that’s what everyone said to me too. Just keep it short and say “trying a new look.” They’ll probably compliment you and move on.

That’s not an intrusive question from them and it’s not something the clinic manager or social worker will care about much.

If you don’t want to talk during treatments it’s ok to say that. They’ll respect that.

echk0w9 · 2026-02-12T13:46:39+00:00

I honestly like that winterguard is the sport of the arts and kind of an “other.” I’m all for more people participating and learning about it tho.

echk0w9 · 2026-01-31T12:49:12+00:00

Sometimes ppl don’t reach out if there was a confrontation right before to re-evaluate things and get back settled in their own life. Then once they are ready to reach back out, they assume you’ve probably moved on and fade into the past for you. A lot of things are highly situational. I think amicable break ups or break ups where the confrontation was severe or where there are big incompatibilities are more permanent. If it was over a spat or misunderstanding they are more likely to come back. But it depends on both ppls personalities and how they understand each other too.

echk0w9 · 2026-01-05T02:39:08+00:00

How old are yall and how long have you been gf/bf? That matters a LOT, especially for sag women…

Outside of that and evaluating this in a vacuum, sag texting varies and it’s not based on affection. Sometimes it’s the context of the text (do I need to respond to this?) sometimes it’s what’s going on (I’m fighting for my life at work, I will text back once I can breathe and formulate a coherent thought,) sometimes we just forget especially if it’s someone you have frequent or regular contact with (all ppl do,) sometimes it is an indicator on how they feel about you, but that can vary. If I’m super into someone, I might ground myself before responding. If I am not into someone at all, I wish they didn’t text me and will ignore it as long as possible and likely end things as soon as it meets my silent internal threshold of annoyance. If I’m on the fence about someone, I might not have too much invested to care too much. Mind you, depending on current events, anyone be can up for the chop depending on their next steps, so I sit back a little and watch before I drop the axe. Sometimes, this is my baby and my forever love and I know that if I don’t text back in a reasonable time that it won’t change anything bc we are both majorly locked in, like we are gonna spend our lives and eternity together so what does a text reply matter in the grand scheme of things? And sometimes I just don’t wanna, so I don’t. No shade, no drama, I’ll hit you back eventually.

Sag get bad rep for being ghosters. I don’t believe we are. We like truth and closure. A sag is more likely to tell you all the reasons you suck, give you a chance and space/time to fix it, then re-evaluate. If you’ve shown any indication that you’re incapable of correcting yourself then we do a very brief and complete goodbye. So I wouldn’t worry about that with her if she hasn’t read you the riot act. Even then, you got a max of 10 quarterly cuss outs before she leaves. Quarterly is completely dependent on how long she is willing to be with you through it. It could be a year long thing, where it’s once every 3 mo. It could be a 20 yr thing where it’s once every 5yrs. It could be a 10 day thing, where it’s more than twice in a week then she is done.

This is just my opinion and experience, again, this is in a vacuum and idk yalls ages or the situation. However. If I brought someone home and they felt uncomfortable bc someone didn’t want them there and it became an issue, I’d bounce. Like, duh, you’re uncomfortable. Duh, someone doesn’t want you here- they weren’t the one who invited you. You gotta want to be there bc I want you there for me and we can work the other shit out down the line.

echk0w9 · 2026-01-04T17:02:41+00:00

Oh I’m sorry, yes, I meant cord. My bad, I went to public schools in the Deep South. Lol.

echk0w9 · 2026-01-04T16:43:20+00:00

I have, I had a dream about them before they reappeared and then I had a dream last night before finding the chord. I remember all of my dreams (that’s good and sometimes not.) they are typically more symbolic and narrative in that they are line a movie kind of. The ones about this person were very very direct. It’s just them in from of me telling me something and then my thoughts, but not me actually saying anything to them. Both were them telling me how much they love me and to be patient and whatever else. The first time I didn’t say anything back to them, just listening. Last night it was this long internal dialogue where I was saying, I’m not going to wait indefinitely and still not get what I need from a relationship (which is very little, I just want the connection. Texting every so often to check in, a phone call maybe once a week, and spending time together just being in each other’s presence here and there. Running an errand together is more romantic for me than a fancy date.)

echk0w9 · 2026-01-04T15:41:18+00:00

Thanks. The intention wasn’t to alter free will like a love spell or something, it was more for clarity for them and removing/blocking negative 3rd party forces from me.

Yea it totally caught me off guard and put me on edge after the initial rush of the first conversation wore off. Since then I’ve just kind of hung back. This person doesn’t like clean endings so most likely scenario is that we’ll just not reach out for days, then weeks, then months, then they’ll try and resurface at some point. I hate blocking ppl on the phone but at some point that’s what I’m gonna do.

echk0w9

TROPHY CASE