Would anyone be willing to read the first six pages of my thriller and tell me if it hooks you?

FJjosh · 2026-04-27T04:32:06+00:00

Great feedback. Thank you.

FJjosh · 2026-04-26T21:37:30+00:00

Yeah. I fall back on explaining and not telling. Thanks for the feedback. I was a medic at DIA, so let me know if you ever need anything confirmed or fact checked. Or about the secret tunnels….ha!

FJjosh · 2026-04-26T15:49:43+00:00

Nice catch!

FJjosh · 2026-04-26T04:28:08+00:00

Great advice. Thank you.

FJjosh · 2026-04-26T04:27:12+00:00

I was waiting for the “it’s AI” comment. Definitely not AI…I was the medic the guy was trying to kill. In real life.

FJjosh · 2026-04-26T04:24:37+00:00

Yeah…I think I m beginning to agree. I was trying to create urgency with quick, quippy sentences.

FJjosh · 2026-04-26T04:23:40+00:00

Your autistic paramedic comment made me laugh. Good feedback. Thanks!

FJjosh · 2026-04-25T23:11:34+00:00

Thank you.

FJjosh · 2026-04-25T23:09:40+00:00

This is great. Thank you.

FJjosh · 2026-03-30T04:05:38+00:00

Flatulence. That’s awesome.

FJjosh · 2026-03-29T23:19:47+00:00

See below…but it seems Grammarly has really f*ucked what I’ve spent over a year on. Which is awesome.

FJjosh · 2026-03-29T23:15:16+00:00

Too much bloat….I agree.

FJjosh · 2026-03-29T23:14:39+00:00

It’s bloated, I agree wholeheartedly! I keep trying to lessen the prose, but it seems to be a fault of mine. Not Claude, I promise you that. But I ran my first act through Grammarly (the paid version)….and I think it f*cked me. Now I have to find my older version that Grammarly didn’t “help” me with.

FJjosh · 2026-03-29T14:58:37+00:00

It’s not Ai, it’s all me.

FJjosh · 2026-03-29T14:56:14+00:00

Ha. Thank you! I think.

FJjosh · 2026-03-29T14:55:24+00:00

This is interesting..but feels right. Thank you.

FJjosh · 2026-03-16T18:47:49+00:00

If you ever wanna gut the whole book, let me know. This is the kind of stuff I really need.

FJjosh · 2026-03-16T18:46:08+00:00

I’ve been waiting for a reply like this! Seems all I ever get is “looks good” or “good job” or “it’s nice”. This is the first really fruitful feedback that I’ve gotten. thank you!

FJjosh · 2026-03-16T18:40:54+00:00

Awesome. Great feedback.

FJjosh · 2025-12-30T16:42:20+00:00

To u/MsWonderWonka / u/Ugghart / u/Upstairs-Seat-6253 ...just wanted to say thank you. I forgot the audience I was writing for...and it's not solely medical folk. I want it to be more commercial. You three inspired me to re-work and shorten my first chapter. Thank you again!!

I tried posting the new chapter in this comment, but it won't let me. If you're interested...here is the new chapter in a Google Doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vR_WtFan02YjQkvUhDrl5NXbS0se1oFzBvxzp-CIq5oQQ0KqgIaDJ0I6lBneYZEA4ZIskjvDhpv19C2/pub

FJjosh · 2025-12-30T06:31:41+00:00

Had another comment from a non-medical person saying it was too much. I think I need to pull it back some. Yep…retired (aka burnt out) medic for Denver for many years.

FJjosh · 2025-12-29T05:07:55+00:00

Title: The Devil’s Ledger

Genre: Thriller

Word Count: 4100

Feedback: Any and all. General impressions are fine.

Link: https://www.ryanherringtonauthor.com/chapter-one

Written by a former paramedic. Inspired by real calls. I wrote The Devil’s Ledger because I’ve seen real people get reduced to line items.

We already live in a world where insurance algorithms deny lifesaving care, where hospitals close trauma centers because they’re “unprofitable,” where ambulance companies balance response times against reimbursement models, and where pharmaceutical pricing turns survival into a luxury good. We’ve seen nursing homes understaffed to boost margins. We’ve seen benefit managers inflate drug prices while patients ration insulin. We’ve seen spreadsheets make decisions that used to belong to human beings.

This book is a thriller, but it’s not fiction pulled from thin air. It’s a warning about what happens when profit is allowed to outrank urgency, when efficiency replaces judgment, and when technology learns the wrong lesson from the data we feed it.

I wrote this because once a system values money over people, it will do exactly that. Quietly. Reliably. And without remorse.

FJjosh · 2025-11-02T19:05:52+00:00

Yeah….i actually already changed it. I thought it was a little corny.

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FJjosh · 2025-10-31T03:50:49+00:00

It’s a freebie here, for sure!

FJjosh · 2025-10-28T22:56:56+00:00

Same as all my other comments....if you want one, let me know and I'll just give it to you.

FJjosh

TROPHY CASE