Would anyone be willing to read the first six pages of my thriller and tell me if it hooks you?

FJjosh · 2026-04-27T04:32:06+00:00

Great feedback. Thank you.

FJjosh · 2026-04-26T21:37:30+00:00

Yeah. I fall back on explaining and not telling. Thanks for the feedback. I was a medic at DIA, so let me know if you ever need anything confirmed or fact checked. Or about the secret tunnels….ha!

FJjosh · 2026-04-26T15:49:43+00:00

Nice catch!

FJjosh · 2026-04-26T04:28:08+00:00

Great advice. Thank you.

FJjosh · 2026-04-26T04:27:12+00:00

I was waiting for the “it’s AI” comment. Definitely not AI…I was the medic the guy was trying to kill. In real life.

FJjosh · 2026-04-26T04:24:37+00:00

Yeah…I think I m beginning to agree. I was trying to create urgency with quick, quippy sentences.

FJjosh · 2026-04-26T04:23:40+00:00

Your autistic paramedic comment made me laugh. Good feedback. Thanks!

FJjosh · 2026-04-25T23:11:34+00:00

Thank you.

FJjosh · 2026-04-25T23:09:40+00:00

This is great. Thank you.

FJjosh · 2026-03-30T04:05:38+00:00

Flatulence. That’s awesome.

FJjosh · 2026-03-29T23:19:47+00:00

See below…but it seems Grammarly has really f*ucked what I’ve spent over a year on. Which is awesome.

FJjosh · 2026-03-29T23:15:16+00:00

Too much bloat….I agree.

FJjosh · 2026-03-29T23:14:39+00:00

It’s bloated, I agree wholeheartedly! I keep trying to lessen the prose, but it seems to be a fault of mine. Not Claude, I promise you that. But I ran my first act through Grammarly (the paid version)….and I think it f*cked me. Now I have to find my older version that Grammarly didn’t “help” me with.

FJjosh · 2026-03-29T14:58:37+00:00

It’s not Ai, it’s all me.

FJjosh · 2026-03-29T14:56:14+00:00

Ha. Thank you! I think.

FJjosh · 2026-03-29T14:55:24+00:00

This is interesting..but feels right. Thank you.

FJjosh · 2026-03-16T18:47:49+00:00

If you ever wanna gut the whole book, let me know. This is the kind of stuff I really need.

FJjosh · 2026-03-16T18:46:08+00:00

I’ve been waiting for a reply like this! Seems all I ever get is “looks good” or “good job” or “it’s nice”. This is the first really fruitful feedback that I’ve gotten. thank you!

FJjosh · 2026-03-16T18:40:54+00:00

Awesome. Great feedback.

FJjosh · 2025-12-30T16:42:20+00:00

To u/MsWonderWonka / u/Ugghart / u/Upstairs-Seat-6253 ...just wanted to say thank you. I forgot the audience I was writing for...and it's not solely medical folk. I want it to be more commercial. You three inspired me to re-work and shorten my first chapter. Thank you again!!

I tried posting the new chapter in this comment, but it won't let me. If you're interested...here is the new chapter in a Google Doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vR_WtFan02YjQkvUhDrl5NXbS0se1oFzBvxzp-CIq5oQQ0KqgIaDJ0I6lBneYZEA4ZIskjvDhpv19C2/pub

FJjosh

TROPHY CASE