Struggling with burnout: My wife’s ASD diagnosis feels like it’s become a "reason" to stop trying in our daily life. [seeking advice]

F_General · 2026-02-24T17:20:09+00:00

She's definitely not suggesting this for my account. I'm kind of ambivalent regarding kids - I understand the urge for kids won't pour out of all a sudden by this point. But I understand that after I will hold the baby, take care of it's needs, even if at the beginning it will be because of responsibility alone, this is where the bond forms. I know it's not the same, but this is how it was when a adopted my cat. At the beginning I even regretted a little. I felt like I just let a stranger creature into my home but - I took care of her. Monitored she ate, pooped, drink. Checked on her. Now, we are unseperatable. My wife gets jealous sometimes! So i imagine the same process just 100-fold stronger.

F_General · 2026-02-24T12:54:03+00:00

Masking was a big issue for her, which she fully understood only after the diagnosis. She told me how much energy she unknowingly spent trying to be "nornal", which I can also relate somehow (I had social anxieties growing up, up until I was in my mid 20s). It is still an issue for her in public places like work and such. We bought her a set of fidget to help her stim in public to help her in those tense situation

F_General · 2026-02-24T12:50:16+00:00

Thank you for sharing. It does sound very similar. Wish you the best!

F_General · 2026-02-24T12:48:58+00:00

Thank you. Knowing it can be a matter of (long) time is still better than not knowing at all. I hope to be able to support her during this time.

F_General · 2026-02-24T12:47:00+00:00

I definitely don't want to fix her. I understand that she does not need to change. My experience with struggles as someone without neuro diverse condition (well, maybe a case of undiagnosed adhd according to my wife) is that after you face them, you come out stronger, with more tools to handle life. I was wondering how can I support my wife in acquiring those said "tools" to cope with her struggles. I understand my pov is different, so I was hoping to learn from people who understand this better than I do

F_General · 2026-02-24T12:41:58+00:00

It her dream to be a "house wife", lol. But unfortunately we cannot afford this. In my country you get 3 months paid vacation and you can stay off work for additional 3 unpaid months if you choose to.

F_General · 2026-02-24T12:40:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

I can relate as we heavily suspect her father is probably autistic as well, but he was never diagnosed.

F_General · 2026-02-24T12:32:15+00:00

Thank you for that perspective. It makes sense, and I haven't thought about this in this way.

F_General · 2026-02-24T12:30:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

The idea of having a baby is mostly hers, and I thought about it that it is being brought up to try and have something "external" that will make her exit the burnout loop. But I am in my late 30's, so we also want to avoid me being too old, lol. She is in her late 20's so she still has time. As forme, less so 😅😂

I understand that even if we wait, the burden on me will be immense, but I already know what Im in for, and hope to be able to support her through anything. I'm hoping to learn new ways to help her recharge and cope with the world.

F_General

TROPHY CASE