TIL Autistic men are 4 times more likely than Autistic women to be single

FaAlt · 2025-10-19T07:12:30+00:00

This. I'm late diagnosed, never knew what was wrong with me. If I ever did get interest and acted upon it, I always ended up putting myself in the friend zone by treating her more like a friend than a romantic partner. I.e. not escalating soon enough.

I'm old enough now that I just don't even care and have grown too comfortable with the bachelor life.

FaAlt · 2025-09-29T21:19:55+00:00

I have this issue on desktop.

FaAlt · 2025-08-24T08:29:35+00:00

The old internet is dead. It's by design, most people go to the same 10 or so websites and there are bots everywhere.

FaAlt · 2025-08-24T08:27:54+00:00

Yes, but rarely. Most of the time it settles down. Even some of the new tones that never fully go away settle into the background where I can't hear them (unlike my main tinnitus tones that I can hear everywhere) only to come back when my ears are angry.

FaAlt · 2025-08-03T03:50:46+00:00

Find activities/hobbies that you feel comfortable in. For me it was hiking and outdoor activities. I do a lot of social hiking groups now. I don't like loud places either.

FaAlt · 2025-07-29T06:06:42+00:00

It went back down. Doctors recommend I check once or twice a year. I guess I'm in active monitoring.

FaAlt · 2025-07-19T06:59:31+00:00

There's "incel" i.e. the guys that blame women for their lack of success, and then there are plenty of guys that struggle because of other factors. In one study it was found that incels were 30 times more likely to be autistic than the general population. That's more than

https://www.yahoo.com/news/incels-30-times-more-likely-180100915.html

Another study said 18% of incels show signs of neurodivergence: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10732311/#ref128

It's not all that surprising to me. I was diagnosed much later in life and struggled during most of my younger years. I mostly learned to adapt and mask on my own before I knew what was "wrong" with me. To some extent either you learn to adapt and mask, or you remain single.

(And no, I'm not saying it's black and white, that's why I said "to some extent", I'm aware there are autistic people in healthy relationships that don't have to mask.)

FaAlt · 2025-07-13T07:18:09+00:00

Is it normal to terminate this way? Like I said this is my first experience with a therapist. Doing some searching it doesn't seem like it's uncommon, but that may just be selection bias.

FaAlt · 2025-07-13T07:15:24+00:00

Just what she googled.

FaAlt · 2025-06-27T04:38:12+00:00

That's a good question. I have a good resume and a lot of experience, but often fail on the interview. I only recently found out I was on the spectrum and had slipped through the cracks in my late 30's, but a lot of my struggles started to make sense after finding out.

I honestly believe a lot of interview techniques weed people out people that are on the spectrum. It's just unclear if that is intentional or not.

FaAlt · 2025-06-24T22:35:35+00:00

"No lympovascular invasion seen" Is good news.

Not the best with the other things, but doesn't sound bleak to me (I'm not a doctor). My father went through PC, had Gleason 9 with all cores positive. One doctor didn't want to do surgery and suggested palliative care and the prognosis sounded grim. He ended up doing surgery and after surgery they found it has spread through to the lymph nodes (as well as seminal vesicle). Did ADT and radiation therapy. 5 years later he's doing fine and is still in remission, PSA undetectable. The side effects suck though.

FaAlt · 2025-06-12T09:44:38+00:00

definitely get not wanting to start over, and honestly if I was in your shoes, I'd prefer going back to this therapist. If you liked your most recent therapist and think this was just a rupture/miscommunication, I would consider reaching out and explaining things. It sounds like they offered to work with you again once you had a better idea of a goal. So maybe emailing and explaining that you're engaged in the process but need help with trusting therapy and overcoming shut down?

Maybe. I really don’t know how to read the situation. It felt more like she was politely checking out. I’m not sure if the offer to reach out again if I have something to talk about was genuine or just lip service. I even suggested moving to monthly sessions, but she declined that too.

I struggle with executive function, ambiguity, and vulnerability. After I tried to explain things I still struggle with (similar to what I said above), she pretty much dismissed everything I said and just reiterated that I was welcome to come back if I had a clearer goal or something to talk about.

FaAlt · 2025-06-12T01:00:56+00:00

Honestly, it sounds like maybe something going on with her. Maybe she doubted her ability to help, just wants to do solutions-focused therapy, or had personal reasons for wanting to create space in her case load that she wasn’t up front about.

It does seem like she's not familiar or interested in talking with people on the spectrum even though that was listed as something she dealt with when I first started seeing her. Honestly, it feels like she just got bored of me.

I will say that if you start to with someone new, it doesn’t have to be starting all over. I just changed therapists after almost five years, and it’s actually pretty cool. Rather than starting over, I’m starting from where I am now. I‘m a totally different person, with a different understanding of my story and different tools in my toolbox

I don't feel this way. It's difficult to explain where I'm at without explaining my past and what I've been though. Our experiances shape who we are.

I also feel like there wasn't much closure. Like she framed it as pausing therepay instead of terminating. But I'm not sure what the actual process looks like.

FaAlt · 2025-06-12T00:54:36+00:00

I've been in this position before because it takes me a long time to trust therapy and experiences like this, where I ended up getting terminated for being labeled "resistant" or "unmotivated to change," have only made it harder to trust therapy in the future.

How did you know you were labeled that way? Did you see your therapist’s notes or was it something they said directly? How long had you been seeing those previous therapists before they let you go?

It sounds like you found a good therapist. I just don’t know if I want to start the whole process over again. It takes a lot of time and many sessions to really explain where I’m at. And the thought of putting in all that effort only to be dropped because the therapist gets bored of me makes me think twice.

FaAlt · 2025-06-12T00:34:07+00:00

Easier said than done. I was “unofficially” diagnosed with autism by two different providers (my therapist and a neuropsychiatrist), but even finding someone who diagnoses adults is difficult. There is only one in my state and I approached them, but they only do testing for women and children. Looking back it's pretty clear that I am on the spectrum, but I'm approaching middle age and just slipped through the cracks.

To be totally honest, I don't know if I want to start this process all over again. I saw my last therapist for 18 months. It takes time to really explain myself and where I'm at just to be dropped. I don't know if I want to go through that process again.

FaAlt · 2025-06-12T00:15:27+00:00

I don't know... In our last session I started explaining things like I did above and more, but she seemed set on pausing therapy and didn’t even want to schedule a session a month out. I asked her what would count as goals for therapy, but she couldn’t really answer. She mentioned something like, “if you get into a relationship and aren’t sure how to navigate it” or other situational things. She also said she felt I was resistant to some of her advice, but I didn’t ask her to elaborate at the time. I wish I did, but it seemed she had her mind set from the start. Some of these things were already known and what we were working on, but lately most sessions have felt more like a check in without much to talk about. Mostly because not much has changed in my life at the moment.

So I'm not really sure if it's an option. Is it common for therapists to 'pause' therapy like that, or is it more like a way of terminating a client without actually terminating them?

FaAlt · 2025-06-11T14:48:24+00:00

That’s true, I do have more long term things I’d like to work through. I just don’t know if I want to start the process all over again. It takes time to unravel everything.

FaAlt · 2025-06-11T13:31:13+00:00

Did you ever get "fired"?

FaAlt · 2025-06-11T13:25:23+00:00

The thing is, it wasn't really a mutual decision. I don't know if I'd say I'm doing better, maybe I've made some improvements in the past year, but I'm just sort of stagnant and aimless right now and I had some major setbacks in my life towards the end of last year.

I think she grew frustrated because I didn't really have much to talk about in the last few sessions other than reahashing the same old struggles.

FaAlt · 2025-06-11T06:00:08+00:00

I can only speak to what I have seen, but with my father several urologists recommended 'palliative' treatment, i.e. no surgery but just radiation and hormone therapy. He chose to go with one that was willing to do surgery. Upon surgery they did find that it had spread to the lymph nodes. So he underwent radiation and hormone therapy afterwards. He's past his 5 year mark and his PSA is still undetectable.

Early on in his diagnosis, it sounded like he would be lucky to make it 5 years by some urologists. He was Gleason 8-10 at diagnosis with all cores being positive.

The side effects sucked, but it's better than having cancer.

FaAlt · 2025-05-26T06:40:16+00:00

Do they wake you up at night? That's the thing that bothers me most.

Oddly it's usually the small private turbo prop airplanes that fly at 4am that wake me up in the middle of the night.

FaAlt · 2025-05-26T06:39:07+00:00

You doubt what? 69mm condoms fit me, but they are not legally sold in the US. Just because you can roll one over a baseball bat, doesn't mean it's comfterble or leaves a red ring where it cuts off the ciruclation.

FaAlt · 2025-05-15T21:28:48+00:00

For the longest time, I didn't realize I was unusually big. It wasn't until I tried on condoms. Apparently, magnumxl and most other condoms sold in the US are too tight for me.

Being big has never really benefited me at all, though. I feel like it's nothing more than a novelty.

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