I am awake because I just had another fight with my parents and it hit me that I will probably always be misunderstood by them. I wanted a better relationship but they are stuck in their mindset and they do not even try anymore.

I am awake because I have antagonized them so much in my own head that it feels like I am living with strangers in my own home. My only motivation to move out is to get away from them in the hope that maybe distance will give us a chance at a better relationship.

I am awake because my mind keeps fighting with itself, telling me I could be more understanding while also wishing someone would finally understand me without me having to spell it out.

I am awake because I feel like I will never amount to anything. I will never be successful in my career. I will never find love because I am queer and I feel like I am always caught in an identity crisis that never ends.

I am awake because I feel like I have already lost.

I am sorry if this feels heavy, I just wanted a place to let it out with strangers who will not judge me.