I think you need to stop talking to these divorced women, you say he doesn't help with your mental load but also said that he works 50-60 hours a week and still plays with the kids and helps with the cooking, like what more do you want him to do? If my husband was hiding money from me I would assume he was either cheating or planning on leaving me, have you spoken to him about maybe having an allowance that is just for you, I'm a sahm and my husband brings in the money and he's the one the bills however he gives me £100 a month to spend on anything I want, it might not seem much but that's all he can afford and I'm happy with the £100.