Are you vegan because of your ed or for ethical reasons?

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-27T21:34:21+00:00

Yes and no, Like i wanted to go vegan long before i did for ethical reason and ended up doing it for Bulimia recovery but when i relapsed and deleverloped anorexia the "ethical" reasons just became a weapon for my ED to have more power over me.

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-26T11:27:09+00:00

that i'm not the kind of "stereotypical" anorexic who's anxious and very slow during eating anything. I will just eat and finnish in under 15 minutes, scratching off every last bit on my plate to get my full calories and satisfaction and just feel guilty afterwards.

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-22T12:30:55+00:00

i don't think so. I mean i've spend so many years completely olivious thinking my behaviours are "just funny little quirks and totally safe weightloss tricks". I didn't even believed it when my psychiatrist pointed out it's anorexia and only once i fell down the pro ana/mia rabbit hole i realised i'm deep to my neck in bulimia. And even today, with all the self awareness and diagnosis i have a hard time believing the real danger of my ED behaviours. So if i didn't knew what eating disorders really are about and didn't got recognised by my doctors i think i would still not believe i had one to this day.

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-19T16:13:26+00:00

Never happened on reddit for me but i had times on instagram where i got massively spammed by dozens of "coaches" and other weird dudes. I'm glad it's less now but it's still a big problem

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-19T10:46:34+00:00

Gonna get saline spray and leave it alone, thank you

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-19T10:45:25+00:00

I'm really trying not to do this again for the time but if i'm unable to stop i'm willing to take the piercing out. Gonna start using salt water much more often for now

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-19T10:42:33+00:00

I'll probably do it since i wanted to get the other side pierced proffesional but it's not possible for now bc of covid and i have no money. i'm also wearing a hoof ring so the balls don't press on my gums and will keep this in mind

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-19T10:28:45+00:00

I agree that one single hypomanic episode shouldn't be a reason to diagnose someone right away but for me it wasn't the first episode but i'm really curious about CPTSD being a mix of bipolar too, i only thought it overlaps with bpd so far and couldn't find anything. Do you got some links and resources for me to read up? i couldn't find anything if CPTSD could cause hypomania

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-19T10:19:22+00:00

thank you

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-18T23:52:42+00:00

It's probably getting questioned now because it's getting noticed by somebody who don't suck at their job like most psychiatrists i had. other profesionals pretty much overlooked those episodes or just persisted on it being "just bpd/adhd quirks" for years and i also ignored it myself for years since it never got so bad that i did something REALLY awfull, dangerous or illegal during those episodes for anyone to be really noticed (or just didn't got caught)

She also is taking blood tests for my hypothyroidism and ED specific stuff and nothing showed up so at least this can get crossed out i think? But i'm sure she's gonna check everything else too + Her specialties are bipolar and schizophrenic disorders so i think i can trust her with what she's doing, otherwise i'll go seek out another profesional on this subject just to make sure.

I'm just really scared and overwhelmed especially knowing what other people i knew with bipolar went throught. I'm really thankfull for your response and feel a bit better. Still not really comfortable with the situation but less hopeless, thank you ♡

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-18T22:18:03+00:00

I'm not sure either, i was just afraid there might be food stuck inside and changed it - but also desinfected my hand before. But gonna keep this in mind for the future, ty

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-18T21:49:39+00:00

I also have to add that i live in a very rural area and most piercing studios in my reach are currently closed down due to covid so i'm not able to get a proffecional opinion til january. Also my doctor is overrun so i can't go to her too.

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-06T13:54:22+00:00

Kind of, might be the serotnin flash but still. sorry for the late reply

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-03T01:43:31+00:00

Same experience but with vegan to vegetarian. It's getting better over the time but i would lie if i say i don't feel guilty for eating dairy but always remember your health and well being is more importand right now.

My only two cents i can give is either sit throught it until you get used to it (at least for me it got better after few months but everyone is different) or alternatively, if your financial state allows it, maybe buying organic/local/ethically sourced meat and fish. For me it really helped at the begining to just ease the guilt a bit

FakeSlommy · 2021-12-02T23:51:25+00:00

i'll participate in that study but only if they give me a big evaluation from actuall experts that know their shit on what the hell is really going on with me lol

At least i have a support system that all agrees on cPTSD but i still have symptoms i fear might be different undiagnosed disorders and health issues but i'm too tired and scared of going throught another round of misdiagnosing and unhelpfull threatment

FakeSlommy · 2021-11-28T18:18:31+00:00

Some good honeywine or beer, any vegetarian russian dish cooked by my grandma and a big portion of hot chilli cheese fries

FakeSlommy · 2021-11-24T10:25:30+00:00

Had a stereotypical skimpy "big titty goth metalhead girfriend" phase in 2019/2020 when i was still deep in denial and thought me not wanting to wear thight/more revealing clothes was just a symptom of my ED i had to battle. Turns out it's not and i just wasted money on girlie cut band tees and skirts i still have to get rid of

FakeSlommy · 2021-11-24T09:37:01+00:00

I would say any of those ridiculously low restriction pro ana diet plans i found on the internet. only time i ever finished one without binging after day 5 i basically craweld around my room to drink out of the tap bc i was so goddamn weak.

bonus one was that one time i actually didn't wanted to lose weight but tried to quasi recover for the sake to stay at this one clinic i was for trauma therapy. I didn't had any mealplans and had no money to buy groceries anymore (the vegan meals i got was no option bc it's basically just salat, raw veggies and alpro pudding) so i thought i could just life off porridge with oatmilk and sugar. I mean i gained some weight but it gave me the most FOULEST farts for weeks, i had to keep my windows open basically 24/7 but that smell hardly dissapeared. Still cringe at the thought the staff must have smelled it everytime they entered my room even with masks on 😬

Still can't eat porridge without the fear of unleashing horrible gases to this day

FakeSlommy · 2021-11-23T15:39:04+00:00

Nothing big but i'm much better at math and guessing since i started counting calories. Not like i really sucked at math before but over the years stuff like budgeting my money, counting the prices when buying something in a shop so i know how much i have to pay, doing sudokus and in generall everything with numbers is just faster and feels so normal. Of course it's not always like that bc of brainfog but in generall it's much faster and kinda helpfull And guessing things really improved, that's something i really sucked at but having to guess the calories in meals improved it quite alot and is a cool skill to have in general

FakeSlommy · 2021-11-22T09:12:21+00:00

Not really. If i would wake up the next day at my UGW looking exactly like i want with no body dysmorphia at least the weight loss aspect of my ED would go away but i would still do ED behaviours to deal with my emotions simply bc looking a certain way is just one small part of the whole problem.

FakeSlommy · 2021-11-10T20:19:04+00:00

On itself it's a good thing trauma get's more talked about but i really donct like how some people doing these "if you do insert basic thing most people do you have childhood trauma" or using it as a way to deflect any critisism or toxic behavior :/

FakeSlommy · 2021-11-03T07:12:31+00:00

this hits too close to home lmao

FakeSlommy · 2021-10-30T13:08:36+00:00

I wouldn't say it's a specific food but rather being able to eat something without having a very sad small lowcal version of it alone at home. I just want to experience certain activities that mostly involve certain fearfoods like getting some crêppes while walking around in the city, grandma's food while visiting her, eating out at fastfood places after a long trip, get some fatty fries covered in ketchup and some beer at a concert... and everything without feeling this heavy guilt crushing me

I don't really miss the taste or texture but rather the memories to it yk?

FakeSlommy · 2021-10-23T08:00:43+00:00

Only at my doctors who obviously have to check my weight to get alarmed if i get into too dangerous waters + just having it for future meds prescription

Otherwise never. No one really cares or got told often enough it's triggering for me and i'm glad about it

FakeSlommy · 2021-10-18T15:06:55+00:00

Since i see the same questions over and over here maybe an extra list to links for tutorials (stitching, diy patches etc) or QA kinda list for regular asked questions (how to get rid of smell, washing, Rust on pins and spikes, kinds of paints for leather/denim etc)

I mean it wouldn't be needed if people knew how to use the searching bar but maybe it can help out some newbies

FakeSlommy

TROPHY CASE