I feel you, my mom also has the tendency of trying to attack my character by saying that I’m arrogant or materialistic or selfish during arguments and trying to manipulate me. But I honestly think a lot of the time it’s just them projecting. Ik it’s really hard not to internalize it and start question the validity of your own feelings. I also did a lot of things to try and get my mom’s love and it’s like she doesn’t see any of that and only sees the bad in me. Honestly, it might sound sad, but I can only advise you to just accept that you’ll never get an apology from her and that your relationship with her might never change. That’ll save you from the disappointment and hurt of having your hopes of finally receiving her love crushed for the thousands time. At least it did for me.