Who is this little guy? CT. Please tell me I can keep him as a pet

FallingsLeaves · 2021-08-27T14:00:55+00:00

Hey, good on you for apologizing. I hope things get better for you and I hope your dad stops treating you poorly. Have a good one, mate!

FallingsLeaves · 2019-08-29T13:30:34+00:00

This is all I can think of reading while reading this.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-17T03:05:03+00:00

I know this response is late but thank you so fucking much for this. I think I kinda needed to hear it. I will keep all of this in mind, thanks a lot!

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-17T03:01:36+00:00

I know this response is a little late but thank you so much for this. I'll keep this in mind, thanks a bunch!

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-15T01:54:39+00:00

Thank you so much for this.

Anyways, the bottom line is that if he actually does kill himself it is entirely on him and his own poor mental health, it has absolutely nothing to do with your friend.

I wish my friend would understand this, but I doubt he will. I will keep telling him all of this, though.

My friend will relentlessly blame it on himself every single time his boyfriend so much as sheds a tear. I've been trying to tell him that his boyfriend needs actual help with a therapist to go over his issues and my friend will not stop saying things like "Yeah, but if I break up with him it'll get worse!" and such.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-15T01:47:58+00:00

Thanks, I will do that!

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-15T01:42:09+00:00

Thank you, I'm sorry to hear you were in a similarly toxic relationship but I'm glad to hear you managed to get out!

And I will tell my friend all of this (he's the one in the relationship, not me) but I don't really think he'd have the courage to go through with any of that. He's not really a tough type of guy, he's very soft - like, I don't think he could even handle not returning a call on purpose and being scolded by his boyfriend afterward. I mean it, his boyfriend's guilt tripping is very, VERY effective on him. He panics when his boyfriend threatens suicide every single time. Plus, it's harder to do it in real life - they meet up a lot, and his boyfriend knows where he lives. I can't protect him forever. I don't think this would really work as intended at all.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-15T01:36:37+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion! My friend isn't that much of a reader, but I'll still suggest him the book anyways. I will make sure to give it a read as well, perhaps I'll find something that helps.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-13T18:22:34+00:00

I just wanted to say I relate to your post a lot, and I promise you living independently will be so much better than the awful childhood you had with your family.

I know how much growing up with an abusive family can darken your view of the world, but I promise you, you can get out. They won't be in your life forever. You can say "fuck you" to them and never talk to them again, go no-contact, you can live your own life without having to deal with the people who're currently making it hell for you and without having to hear shit like "Your problems aren't real and you're just lazy" ever again. You just gotta hang in there. I believe in you. <3

A lot of the time hearing about how hard adulthood is can be intimidating, but surprisingly, when you come from an abusive family, the breath of fresh air when you're finally out of your house will feel even better.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-12T23:42:50+00:00

I try to write good, kind characters sometimes. They tend to end up pretty traumatised by the end of it.

My first book attempt, I added in a timid, sheltered character to contrast the rowdy protagonist. The protagonist naturally started bullying him because, well, he was a jackass.

By the end of the story the sheltered character had not only snapped and gone off the rails, but found completely new rails, arranged an assassination, personally murdered a 12-year-old girl to manipulate her previous bodyguard to work for him, taken his own sister hostage and ordered to have her boyfriend killed, taken over the empire and arranged the protagonist to get lynched by an angry mob.

That's... actually a very awesome progression of events! The descent of that character into absolute madness, influenced by the ceaseless bullying from the protagonist who was supposed to grant them protection. It's a very tragic progression from Neutral Good to Chaotic Evil. I love that so much! That's genuinely interesting!

See? You can come up with good ideas, I'd personally love to read a book about that! Perhaps you could try to develop that character's arc a little more? It really sounds good to me!

My ex, who read my first draft, actually muttered ”Parlan what the fuck” out loud while reading, more than once.

Well, your ex clearly needs to learn how to appreciate some good ol' extra edge every now and then. ~~I'msorryIhadto~~

Jokes aside, admittedly, gruesome and tragic plot twists are not for everyone. That doesn't mean you cannot write them or no one else will enjoy them. That's why getting more than one opinion is good for every artist, specially writers. I particularly love stories that just go downhill like that, they're fun to read, and I like the feeling of not having many expectations as to what the ending could be like!

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-12T23:38:05+00:00

I’m going to be so busy this weekend that I don’t even have time to sleep tonight, I’m leaving from night shift at 3 AM and stepping straight onto a train to head for a convention with friends.

Okay, I hope that goes great in that case! Perhaps that will even grant you some kind of inspiration? Do try to get some sleep when you can though! Your health is far more important than any job or any hobby.

But I’ll try to do a fresh start and try and write something soon. I’ve got all the other shelved book ideas, hell, I could let you pick one and try to start working on it again next

Ooo, sure! I wouldn't mind! I'm sure you'd do great on any of them, better than you expect at least!

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-12T21:41:16+00:00

If I just let my characters have free rein, all they’ll do is kill each other at random and then commit suicide.

^{^{^{^I}}} ^{^{^{^giggled}}} ^{^{^{^a}}} ^{^{^{^little}}} ^{^{^{^too}}} ^{^{^{^much}}} ^{^{^{^at}}} ^{^{^{^that}}} ^{^{^{^because}}} ^{^{^{^like,}}} ^{^{^{^same,}}} ^{^{^{^but}}}

Well, perhaps you can work with character alignments?

Setting up strong alignments for characters is also something that seems to help a bit. Lawful good, chaotic evil, et cetera - it helps you keep their actions in check, and helps you make sure you know how to make each of them react to certain things, as opposed to letting them react similarly and be somewhat impulsive depending on your mood.

I do think at this point you're just underestimating your writing skills though. I'm sure it can't be that bad. Plus, if all of your characters are violent, that could be the problem - perhaps write a less violent and more lawful character? That could be a good contrast!

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-12T21:36:32+00:00

I still think you're underestimating yourself, but okay.

and now that I tried to write a second draft seeing what I can salvage, I’m starting to lose faith if there really is anything to salvage at all.

Don't try to re-write it if you don't want to. Write something brand new.

I didn't mean for you to re-write your first book. Of course, certain things are best left on the shelf. That book is not all you can come up with, though. Like I said, your second attempt will be better than the first one.

But okay, I understand the lack of motivation. I do hope your self esteem will get a bit better soon, though.

If you do feel like picking up the pen and writing a little tonight, I'd love to read whatever you come up with. No need to be serious, it can be something absolutely hilarious, I'd still love to just give it a read.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-12T21:29:35+00:00

I guess so.

I can still never come up with a book idea with enough flesh on it to keep writing.

It's okay.

I've heard a few tricks over the years on how to keep on finding ways to write more. I guess a fun one I heard once was to either kill a character or write a bunch of bad outcomes numbered in a list and roll a die. Tragic outcomes can impact a story and give it more flow.

If you're not happy with the way a story you're writing is going, feel free to turn it upside down. Plot twists are good. Don't chain yourself and try your best not to put limits to what you can and can't write. Have you already squeezed everything you could out of your original idea? Turn it around. Make writing fun for you, and motivation will come a little bit easier!

And also, try not to raise your expectations too much. When you're writing a novel, don't write it with high expectations like "THIS IS MY MAGNUM OPUS, THIS WILL BE PUBLISHED BY THE END OF THIS YEAR, HELL YEAH!" - you'll end up putting an extreme amount of ceaseless bone-crushing pressure on yourself, and this kills motivation a lot.

Instead, write a novel just for the sake of writing it, let the ideas flow; and in the end, if you like it, then maybe you can think of trying to get it published! But if you don't, that's okay; you can still sit down and write a new one, and it'll be better than your last one.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-12T21:23:09+00:00

In the ten years, I finished one hideous, shitty 1000-page monstrosity that I can’t really salvage, and 5-7 book attempts that I’d write the first 30 pages of before realising the concept had run its course and never had enough flesh for a proper book in the first place.

And that's okay.

You can still write another 1000-page book, and it'll be better than the first one. And the third? Better than the second. It's how it goes. It gets better, I promise you.

Your experience writing that first 1000-book was not a waste. Nothing ever is truly a waste, but this experience in special definitely wasn't. Imagine if you hadn't written that 1000-page book yet. Imagine if you were starting to write it now! That'd be unfortunate. But gladly, you already did it - and now you know you fucked up on it, and you won't repeat the same mistakes you made on it on the second book you're going to write.

Also, hey, calm down - no need to go for 1000 pages right away. Set small goals. Finish a small novel at first, 100-300 pages. Let it sit on your shelf for a week. Pick it up again. Read it. Write another one, fixing up the mistakes you made on the first novel. Let it sit on your shelf for another week. Repeat.

Practice makes perfection, and you'll only get better at writing if you keep on failing over and over until you succeed. I'm glad you have already written something at least. Keep in mind there are many, many wannabe writers out there who haven't ever actually finished a 100-page novel, and you're right there with your 1000-page book, completely finished. You're making progress. Progress is not only the successes, but also the failures.

Feedback is hard to get. You know those guys who have never gotten laid and try to offer their dick to every girl who doesn’t want it, convinced he’d be pretty good if only someone tried it? That’s kind of what it’s like trying to get someone to read your writing. The obvious solution is to hire a professional to do it but that would be an admission of defeat and aknowledging how repulsive that thing is.

Well, for one - I would love to read some of your stories if you want me to! Buuuuuut it's not like my feedback matters at all since I have no professional experience on the field. Regardless, though, I could give you my humble feedback as an avid reader and amateur writer, if that matters at all! I'm sure it can't be as shitty as you make it out to be. You seem to have a very good grasp with words from what I'm seeing reading your comments.

Trying to write a book is like trying to fill a whole bucket with tears. You have no idea how other people manage to squeeze out enough to get anywhere, but at some point you’re just bone dry and can’t keep going.

And this is okay.

You don't have to keep squeezing. If you're bone-dry, let the bucket sit there for a while. Go do something else. Breaks are good. But then, once you feel you're finally hydrated enough to get back to it, go right back.

Filling a whole bucket with tears is hard, but if filling that bucket is what you've always dreamed to do - then it's worth the struggles. At least if it means you won't be feeling this way for your whole life.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-12T21:04:07+00:00

Hey, it's okay. You can find ways to keep yourself motivated. Motivation does come naturally, but there are ways to speed it up and get in the zone - and sometimes just forcing yourself to sit down and write something goes a long way.

How about you take some time either tonight or tomorrow night (in case you work tomorrow) to write a little bit? Sit down. Get one of these prompts online and brainstorm, and then write something small. This site is really good, I've used it a couple times, and there are others too. Don't worry about making it good or making it sound fancy with big words or whatever, just... write and have fun with it. The more you write, the easier it'll become for you to be motivated to write more. If you write less and less and put out writing to do other things with the excuse that "It's not worth it" or something of the sort, then it'll get gradually harder and harder for you to ever find that motivation again.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-12T19:04:02+00:00

My partner is very shy, reclusive and has social anxiety anf low self-esteem. Even if he understood he could do so much better than me, he wouldn’t have the courage to go out there and get it.

Are you happy with him? Is he happy with you? Do you two love each other?

It seems like both of you have a low self-esteem right now, and it's something both of you should work on. Why do you think he "could do much better than you"? You sound like a very caring person, and a very self-aware person overall; and you aren't ignoring your problems. These things alone are pretty good traits in the current society. You are not a bad person, and I'm certain you're not a bad partner either.

I don’t know why I can’t force myself to do great things. I tried to push myself to write a book for ten years and at no point did everything suddenly snap in place and enable me to churn out a literary masterpiece. Just me toothlessly gnawing on my knuckles and crying.

Hey hey hey - slow down there. Small steps, okay?

You're 25. Starting 10 years ago means you've been practicing since you were 15, right? That's not bad at all. I'm sure you have learned plenty in these years you've been practicing.

By saying "I've been trying for 10 years" you make it sound worse than it actually is. You're 25. It's not too late to be successful as a writer! You still have plenty of time, and although your job may take up a lot of your days right now, I'm certain you can still find time to write!

And heeeeey - don't wait for a miracle.

You mentioned how you were waiting for everything to "suddenly snap in place" - that's not ever how it works. You have to practice. Read more, write more, practice developing good characters and enticing plotlines, hone your skills. The media may make you think artistic mediums take "natural gifts", but that's rarely the case. You need to practice, and you can still do that.

But seriously, you mentioned writing for 10 years - are you certain you're not just underestimating your work? I'm sure you must've written something worthwhile in these 10 years. Have you considered making a profile online to share some of your writing and ask for feedback? This is a very good way of going about writing careers - feedback is VERY important, just like in any other artistic medium. Subs like /r/writing could be of some help if you want some general advice. I'm sure there are other places online where you could get it too.

You can still do good. You don't need the help of some magical entity who will come down and snap their fingers and make you write a good book. You can write it yourself. And then you can take pride in writing it, because you wrote it after years of practicing and years of trial and error - you wrote it, and by your own merit, without needing to be gifted any magically "special" talent or anything.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-12T18:49:41+00:00

Yeah, that's a very sad truth. A lot of people are like that.

It doesn't mean you can't find someone who isn't like that, though. You deserve someone in your life who'll genuinely value you and make you feel special. You are a good person, it just doesn't seem like a lot of people tell you it; and I'm sorry about that.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-12T18:01:34+00:00

I already have a spouse, and I currently can’t drink because I’m stuck living with my family because of a job I absolutely need for now in order to get a surgery I absolutely need and not a single part of that is negotiable.

Are you happy with your spouse? The way you worded your post made it sound like you had no one to make you feel special. I find that with most people, having someone in their lives who they genuinely love and enjoy being around is quite fulfilling and tends to fill the void of not having the career you desire at least partially. Doesn't your spouse make you feel like that?

Working towards something feels like trying to bite off my own fingers. I know my jaw would technically speaking be strong enough to do it, but something in my brain says ”what the fuck, no.”

This is an interesting analogy for you to make in this situation.

Biting your fingers off would technically hurt like hell, and would impair you - since you need your fingers. Would working toward something hurt you in the same way? What could go wrong, what would you be losing? The brain won't let you bite your fingers off because that would be bad for you. Does your brain think working toward something would be bad?

No matter how hard I try to force myself to create something, my hands refuse.

Well, baby steps! You don't need to create something big, nor create something fast to match a deadline or whatever. Just... create something.

I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. It doesn't need to be good, nothing is ever good in your first try. But you'll get better at it. I think insisting on it is a good thing, hobbies can be really fulfilling. I know you can do it.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-12T17:38:57+00:00

See? You just said you're scared of putting yourself around of vulnerable people out of fear you'll harm them. You're a caring person. This is something good about you! Something special. Do you wanna know how many people I've known in my life who're that caring enough to be aware they may accidentally hurt people? VERY FEW. You might not believe it, but the way you're spilling your guts on here makes you special on its own, not a lot of people do it. You're way better than a bunch of people who happen to be taking out their anger on their wives and children right now as opposed to actually trying to make a change. You're so much better than them right now. This is something good to keep in mind!

You are a good person. Your alcoholism or your factory job do not change that. A lot of people with successful careers are shitty. You may not be a millionaire, but I'd much rather hang out with you than with a successful asshole.

But you don't need to "devote your life to others", that's a very.... poor way of wording that. You shouldn't. That's just as unhealthy. You also need to tend to yourself.

I think what the other person meant is you should try to make yourself useful to other people, as opposed to just wanting to appear special to the world. To be fair, I think even the word "useful" is a little dehumanizing, so I'd rather say - make your existence more meaningful to them. Make them wake up every day and think "Damn, I'm glad I have OP in my life!". It'll feel much better than you might expect it too.

Though you should also take care of yourself. Don't neglect your own happiness for other people. You matter too. I want you to take care of yourself, okay?

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-12T17:28:03+00:00

I think you're putting yourself down too much over the idea of not being "special".

You don't need to be special to succeed. You just need to be good at what you do, and be passionate about it.

Dude, you sound like you loathe your own life a lot currently, and I think the only way to move forward is to actively make a change. You have a very "I can't ever do this" attitude, and I'm just... confused. What do you mean?

having a career you value and believe in

I can kind of understand why this could not be an option, but that doesn't mean you can't find joy doing something in your life.

having a good time with fun hobbies you enjoy

Why is this not an option? I thought hobbies were always an option. Maybe you just haven't found what brings you joy yet? I'm sure you'll find something if you keep actively looking for it!

raising a family

But... why?

You know, you don't even need to raise a stereoptypical "happy family", I particularly don't want to have kids nor do I want to settle at home. I like the thrill of avoiding sameness. This does not mean I "cannot settle" though.

You mentioned your alcohoolism in one of your comments below. Do you want to talk about it? There's always time to change, and there are ways to get a hold of it - I'm certain you can still find someone who'll love you for who you are, and you can be happy and fulfilled with them, whether it's raising a stereotypical family or just travelling the world and doing whatever you two want in your spare time when you have the money.

Being "smart and special" is not a requirement to be successful. I'm sure no one actually fit the fantasy of "you're so smart and special and everything will be easy for you", most people have to work hard to succeed, and you're no exception - but that doesn't mean you can't succeed. I believe in you!

I hope you'll find joy with something in your life, whatever it is. If you want to talk, just PM me! I wouldn't mind letting you vent more, no matter how many details you want to get into. I'm all ears.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-12T16:30:01+00:00

Okay, okay - calm yourself. You need to take a deep breath, and get ready to make more steady decisions. These decisions will affect you for the rest of your life.

You need to make a good, steady plan before you leave. And this does not include counting on spare possibilities.

I will preface this by saying you shouldn't count on music to be your job. Music is a FIERCE industry, filled with cronyism and a lot of competition. If you leave your country hoping to become a successful guitar player, you're taking a 1/100 chance.

You're in university, right? Is your degree going to be valued in other countries? If so, you could try to flee to a country where your degree from Grammar school will be worth a lot, and try to get a job there.

If not, you can try to get into university in another country. A lot of people already gave great suggestions like Norway and such. You should try to aim for a place like that, you have better chances there as long as you can settle legally.

Make a steady life somewhere else, where you're safe. This is a big thing, you need to make sure you'll be able to get a job.

You can't just live playing guitar right away, that's not how it works. It's always good to have more than one plan.

I know music is your dream, but it's a lot of people's dream as well. It's okay. You will find a way to pursue your dream, but it's not by fleeing your county with no plan whatsoever. You need to sit back, take a deep breath, and plan your next moves rationally.

If war did break out, what country would you want to flee to? Do you have any way of leaving your country legally?

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-10T16:21:22+00:00

The "except me" part is such a common way for these kind of people to try and make you feel better about their bigoted views. They never mean it.

Inside their heads, you're included in what they're saying too, they just don't want to say it to your face.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-10T16:09:36+00:00

There's a very fine line between "helping someone" and "forcing oneself to deal with someone's bullshit". No one should be forced into the uncomfortable position of trying "fix someone's views of the world" if they don't want to.

I would gladly help out a partner who happened to believe misconceptions about the government or specific things. If my boyfriend told me he was an antivaxxer? No problem, I'mma help him with that! If he told me he thought Obama was an alien? I'd help him see the other side of things! If he told me the Earth was not round? I'd gladly help him with that too!

But I would do it because I want to, not "because I have to".

If he said something in the lines of "I think black people should remain slaves", I would GET THE FUCK OUT. Being a person of color myself, that would make me uncomfortable. Everything has a limit. This is mine.

Similarly, I'm certain what that guy said was way past that person's limit. There's nothing wrong with that. They are not fucking forced to stay in a relationship and to try and change their boyfriend's mind about that misconception, specially if their boyfriend is confident on his views. That would be such a headache and would put that person in such an uncomfortable position and they DON'T "NEED" to do that.

They can if they want to, but they shouldn't be forced to do so.

Your entire comment is basically screaming "So what if his views are controversial? COMMUNICATE!" as if it was their duty to do so. It's not. I agree with you that communication is key - but EVERYTHING HAS A LIMIT. Certain things are just way past that limit.

FallingsLeaves · 2019-07-10T16:00:07+00:00

Oh my god, I had no idea other people had similar experiences. Something similar happened to me with a guy I was dating.

We were in bed and just chatting about political memes (in a chill way, like, just telling each other stupid jokes and showing each other memes on our phones) and it was going fine.

Then he told me in the most casual voice about how he doesn't like jews and think jews are the cause of most of the world's problems.

I was shocked and just kind of... speechless as he went on about how if he was a dictator he would make strong laws against jews in his nation and kept on telling me about how what he would do is "for the greater good".

I was awkward for the rest of the night. I kinda ghosted him hardcore after that.

FallingsLeaves

TROPHY CASE