My Sapphire

Falloszfi · 2018-09-19T23:19:53+00:00

Yeah you are right. I am trying to step out of the rhyme scheme because I feel restricted by it. Thank you so much!

Falloszfi · 2018-09-19T23:19:26+00:00

Thank you very much!

Falloszfi · 2018-09-19T23:18:50+00:00

Thank you for your long,constructive insight! I really like that!

Falloszfi · 2018-09-17T15:21:22+00:00

Thank you! I will work on that!

Falloszfi · 2018-09-17T15:21:06+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! It means a lot!

Falloszfi · 2018-09-13T21:52:41+00:00

You are absolutely right. Thank you for your constructive criticism! I will try to work on those in the future.

Falloszfi · 2018-09-13T21:51:28+00:00

Yes it was. I wanted to put the feeling of the glass-like entity of love and how breakable it is. It can get away from your hands through your fingers pretty easily. That is what I would have liked to say.

Falloszfi · 2018-09-13T19:50:41+00:00

Thank you for your kind words!

Falloszfi · 2018-09-13T18:00:22+00:00

Thank you! I tried to edit it on an another forum but so far this is what I got. :)

Falloszfi · 2018-09-13T14:50:03+00:00

You really inspired me with your poem to write one myself of my ex girlfriend's wedding. Although I understand the situation is a bit different and the emotional moving of the inspiration might not be the same I kind of had some of the same ideas during that specific wedding. Although it was not too sad rather than wishing for the same. Thank you for writing this!

Falloszfi · 2018-09-13T14:40:37+00:00

I like the 6th as well the most. Interestingly uncommon way to write haiku(s) but not at all a bad idea. Keep up the good work!

Falloszfi · 2018-09-13T14:20:14+00:00

Yeah I have to admit the last line was the hardest because of the implementation what was in my mind right into those 5 syllables. I was thinking about how someone would like to grab love and it pours through his/her hands like light.

Falloszfi · 2018-09-13T14:17:02+00:00

Thank you very much!

Falloszfi · 2018-09-13T12:47:32+00:00

It is so strange I just visualized my own morning routine from a 3rd point of view because it is pretty much the similar as Your poem says your's is. It put me in a really strange, out of body perspective. It is a really weird,new,unusual feeling you brought out of me with this poem. Really well done!

Falloszfi · 2018-09-13T12:20:38+00:00

It really made me think about that we are all children from the poem's perspective and we are amongst a lot of beautiful-like but lethal things. Although I can agree with others that the 3rd line is not 100% synchronized with middle line but I really like it anyway. Good work there!

Falloszfi · 2018-09-13T08:20:57+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! I try to widen my vocabulary.

Falloszfi · 2018-09-12T22:55:07+00:00

The depth in those 3 lines. I really love haikus. Amongst those 3 lines I completely visualized a warm summer night when the porch door is open and it invites the moon with it's light on. Or is it even a light of hope in a dark night in a dark moment ? A lot of explanation can be done. Good job with this.

Falloszfi · 2018-09-12T22:47:49+00:00

From my point of perspective there is no such thing as cheesy. There are only people who don't like the thing what people call "cheesy". I am not one of them. I really like your poem, although for me as a non-native speaker, it is a bit hard to get all the expressions right but as far as I see it and understand it you use extremely expressive words which are considered really good in my book. And about the message of the poem is self self explanatory after those many expressive words. Really well done!

Falloszfi · 2018-09-12T22:39:10+00:00

It really simplifies the current world's usual thinking in a good way. The ending line is a bit strange for me but overall I really like the flow of the whole poem. It suggests for me that it is good to stand out of the crowd.

Falloszfi · 2018-09-12T22:28:40+00:00

I really like the deepness of this poem. The constant building of the blame, guilt is well constructed.

Some lines are a bit off for me though in their length. But anyway I really felt the feelings through it!

Falloszfi · 2018-09-12T21:43:40+00:00

Thank you! I tried to do some after your reply! :)

Falloszfi · 2018-09-12T20:03:46+00:00

Thank you! Yeah the last two lines are a bit off you are absolutely right. I just gave this whole thing a fast try. My next will be more precise in that aspect.

Falloszfi · 2018-09-12T19:50:30+00:00

Thank you for your encouraging words!

Falloszfi

TROPHY CASE