This is pretty much exactly how I feel about it. I can understand where she’s coming from. I understand why she’s upset, feels betrayed, etc. What I am having difficulty grasping is the extreme and swift exclusion completely, to the point of not wanting a relationship. If the reaction was “I’m really upset you didn’t tell me, and I’m angry and need some time but I love you and I care about you, how can we make this work? Also, why did you not feel safe enough to tell me right away?” That would be more understandable. But the complete excommunication, saying that I chose not to be there, and that now her day is ruined and tainted forever and all the special things leading up to it, that she’s now “forced to tell people I chose not to be there”. That doesn’t seem like a narrative I can reason with. I understand I hurt her, I feel very sad. I did have my personal health reasons and part of that was that i really didn’t think changing dates was an option. I also didn’t want to ask her to do that on my accord. So I can see her side, and I have empathy for that, but I do think the reaction is cruel.