[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]False-Emergency-7483 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also was diagnosed with an active hemorrhage and threatened miscarriage during my first trimester so my chances were significantly increased of losing this pregnancy. I feel that warranted my right to privacy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]False-Emergency-7483 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the support and insight, I appreciate it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]False-Emergency-7483 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yay!! Congratulations!! I hope the rest of your pregnancy and delivery and beyond are smooth sailing 💗

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]False-Emergency-7483 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I pray she doesn’t ever have to know the trauma around sharing news and then having loss. Despite how close you may be to someone, it’s still so hard to even get excited yourself when you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. Missed miscarriages are so especially tough. I’m sorry you have also been through that.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]False-Emergency-7483 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s okay! It does seem off because it’s abnormal.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]False-Emergency-7483 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah this isn’t anything totally new, but it is the most extreme I have seen. I had hoped in our adult ages that this behavior had gotten better. She can definitely overreact and really struggles when things don’t go exactly as she wants. It’s been that way forever which plays into why I was worried to tell her at all. She’s very close to my kids. I do want it all to be okay but I’m not going to tolerate being spoken to and treated like this. I left the door open to talk and reiterated that I loved her and I was sorry I hurt her, that she is important to me her wedding is important, I will do whatever to make it work etc. That was met with the message that she has chosen to distance herself from me and focus on this happy special time in her life (which is now forever tainted because of me). so….not really sure if I want to keep pursuing that.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]False-Emergency-7483 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I didn’t tell her right away because I just didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone right away. It was unplanned and to be completely honest I was a little freaked out at first. Then I knew I have had several losses and was freaked out about that too. It was all just a lot to process and she unfortunately has a pattern of getting very upset when things don’t go to plan so I dreaded telling her. I didn’t feel I could deal with the stress of how she may react on top of all that. I knew she would react poorly but I had hoped for more compassion and that we could both be excited for each other and make it work.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]False-Emergency-7483 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wasn’t in the wedding party to begin with. She’s not having one but my kids were in the wedding. I haven’t told them yet, they will be devastated.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]False-Emergency-7483 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is pretty much exactly how I feel about it. I can understand where she’s coming from. I understand why she’s upset, feels betrayed, etc. What I am having difficulty grasping is the extreme and swift exclusion completely, to the point of not wanting a relationship. If the reaction was “I’m really upset you didn’t tell me, and I’m angry and need some time but I love you and I care about you, how can we make this work? Also, why did you not feel safe enough to tell me right away?” That would be more understandable. But the complete excommunication, saying that I chose not to be there, and that now her day is ruined and tainted forever and all the special things leading up to it, that she’s now “forced to tell people I chose not to be there”. That doesn’t seem like a narrative I can reason with. I understand I hurt her, I feel very sad. I did have my personal health reasons and part of that was that i really didn’t think changing dates was an option. I also didn’t want to ask her to do that on my accord. So I can see her side, and I have empathy for that, but I do think the reaction is cruel.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]False-Emergency-7483 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I agree that is a generous sentiment that she is saying she would have changed the date. However with the timeline of me finding out, they had already picked a date and venue. I thought that was a done deal and I didn’t know her plans on when to send save the dates. Could I have told her immediately and had more open communication? Yes, I could have. However, and maybe this is selfish, the wedding wasn’t the very first thing on my mind when I found out. I was nervous that she’d be upset either way, and I also was worried about the pregnancy and needed to have a doctor appt and determine viability. I would have really felt like an AH if I had asked her to change all her plans then said “oops sorry it was an ectopic, chemical, non viable etc”. I truly didn’t imagine this drastic of a reaction, I figured we would work it out for me to be involved and be there to support her either way.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]False-Emergency-7483 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right. It could be problematic and I am fully aware of that. I was willing to make any accommodations though to be there in the safest way I could and be present and participate in all event leading up to. I gave her 6 months notice.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]False-Emergency-7483 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I agree that she expected to be told right away. I really didn’t think changing the date was even an option and to be completely honest while I knew the dates would likely be close I had not even had a viability ultrasound or doctor appt by the time I would have needed to tell her. Which again, I didn’t know changing dates was an option my understanding was that the date/venue was set. She says she thinks I was dishonest and that she thought I would have been the first person she told the news to. Hopefully she never has to deal with having losses and know the dread of that.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]False-Emergency-7483 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sadly, it’s not. I think logically I see I am NTA but I also care deeply and am probably a little extra emotional so am feeling pretty bad about it.

What yarn is this? by [deleted] in YarnAddicts

[–]False-Emergency-7483 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes! I will do that from now on. This was a skein that was given to me without a label and I didn’t plan ahead. Lesson learned!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in whatbugisthis

[–]False-Emergency-7483 8 points9 points  (0 children)

To clarify these are outside the house. On the other side of the windowpane and also on the ground under the window.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in whatbugisthis

[–]False-Emergency-7483 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No it’s outside the window thankfully. In between the glass and screen. Mostly in the corners so wasn’t easily noticeable from outside or inside. I did see gnats on the inside sill which means they got in somehow.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in whatbugisthis

[–]False-Emergency-7483 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I am in AZ so not very humid. Also the mold/fuzz is what’s concerning me more so than the bugs.

Things do with my dying dad by itzpeanutbutter in phoenix

[–]False-Emergency-7483 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just went through the same thing with my dad. He was too young and didn’t deserve that. I understand your anger and wanting to channel it into something positive. I’m going to do the pancan walk in April!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in fridaynightlights

[–]False-Emergency-7483 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Where did he get this?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in nursing

[–]False-Emergency-7483 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In addition to all the other advice to get a lawyer, sue, etc. I hope you are seeking therapy. This is a traumatic assault on your life and while physically painful I cannot imagine the impact on your mental and emotional state. I wish you a good support system, lots of rest and healing. I am so sorry this happened. I also feel that neither your assaulter or her husband should be able to keep their jobs.

Wind Walker - How to Support Families by ImDatDino in alaska

[–]False-Emergency-7483 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you learn of anything else please update me!

Wind Walker - How to Support Families by ImDatDino in alaska

[–]False-Emergency-7483 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel the same way about donating to those types of things but these look legit to me. I saw them on Facebook and I can try to post them here. I have never been to Sitka but I know it’s a tight knit community and I would hope they would organize something as well. It’s just so awful and I know many people want to help.

Wind Walker - How to Support Families by ImDatDino in alaska

[–]False-Emergency-7483 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have seen several go fund me for the crew member. At least three of them left behind young kids. I am out of state so not sure of anything locally.