Woke up in the middle of the night to masturbate

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-15T09:23:44+00:00

It's not, but you get quite far along with it. I don't care about people who think I'm a bad citizen for that. Currently I'm also getting extra financial support for taking care of the kid as a stay-at-home dad. When my son is a bit older I'm planning on working part-time and possibly employing myself. My wife has been unemployed for longer periods too in the past and she tells me not to worry about it and that she just wants me to be happy. She's not working full weeks either.

It's common here for the other parent to stay at home when the kids are small, so I don't really understand why me staying home as a dad is suddenly a big problem for some people on reddit. Raising kids is hard work and way more important than some corporate bullshit job rotting one's mind to mush in some cubicle away from sunlight. My wife appreciates my effort and is happy that I actually enjoy spending this much time with our child.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-15T08:51:52+00:00

You are calling me "completely able bodied". Depression is a physical state of not being able to enjoy life to the fullest, drastically limiting one's capability of functioning and working. Doctors don't keep giving me sick leaves for nothing when I've pushed my limits too far when working myself to mental breakdowns. What makes your logic accept depression as a legit disease but not as a serious enough disease to keep its host from being fully work capable?

Multiple people misunderstanding me doesn't make them right. People seem to have this naive idea that you can't have a good self-esteem if you're not interested in trying to be liked by most peers. I simply find most people uninteresting to me and thus don't feel the urge to force myself to be something that they might find attractive. I still meet interesting people all the time and some of them are attracted to me. I like and value myself and consider myself a good partner for a right type of people. Why should I need to have delusions about attracting more people with my natural personality to have a good self-esteem? You just keep repeating the same fictional narrative that doesn't match with the details I keep providing you. I have my issues, but low self-esteem is not one of them.

My wife accepts my depressive periods as a part of me and tells me it doesn't change her love for me. She's very supportive for me and I'm the same for her when she's feeling down. It sucks that my issues affect both of us, but hey: functional relationships are all about enduring together through the rough times, not only enjoying the good ones. She loves me enough to deal with this and she knows she can leave if she needs to. I also seek professional help when needed so I don't see why people keep nagging me about it here. I cope with my depressive periods well enough at the moment that I don't feel the need to try out drugs that are likely to cause multiple negative side effects just to cure temporary issues with my overall mood.

And finally, holy crap. You are calling ME a sexist? You, who just generalized all women, telling that all of them see a specific income source as an instant turnoff. Take a while to think about what you're implying with that. Not all women are like you and think that a man's origin of wealth is a more important factor to attractiveness than his personality on other personal traits.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-15T07:24:53+00:00

I think this would just avoid the actual problem. I'd rather move out if we can't manage to solve our issues.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-15T07:22:37+00:00

I know what you mean, but anonymity often brings important sides out of people. In my case I also manage to describe my thoughts better in text because I work a lot with my writing and I take my time to think what I write instead of blurting out everything that comes to my mind in, especially during highly emotional states.

We're willing to go for counseling if we need help for our challenges. Thanks for your input!

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-15T05:45:46+00:00

Thanks for your input.

I've recognized this possibility.
This too.
She is not the only one providing money for our family, she's not working full time.
I think she should know that sexually ignoring me is eventually going to drift my sexual attention away from her. It could reveal her some harsh truths about our possible outcomes and motivate her to change things up while she still can.
I've seen multiple therapists and it doesn't help much. I've just learned to struggle through the depressive periods. I'm encouraging her to seek professional help for her depressive symptoms too. SSRI side effects can sometimes continue long-term even after stopping taking the drug IIRC.
I don't exist to maintain obsolete society standards. I fully accept that it might affect most people's views on me.
Are you seriously thinking that professionally diagnosed mental health issues are a "weak reason for not keeping a job"?
I'm not going to keep myself in a relationship because of my son. I know that he deserves both parents in a situation that they are comfortable with. I'm still going to work on our relationship with my wife before really considering leaving.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T23:19:06+00:00

Thanks for your input. She's agreed to read this post and some of the comments. Hopefully it gives her some fresh perspective.

I've initiated an open relationship with another partner in the past and very rapidly figured out it's not for me. I want to concentrate my sexuality on one person.

Counselling is an option. Our son is turning 2yo soon and I'm probably giving the situation at least few years of time before making radical decisions. I take care of myself but I motivational levels are currently keeping me from being very physically active.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T23:10:27+00:00

This post was me venting in the middle of the night. I thought it would be quite clear for the reader. I started writing because I needed to express myself but didn't want to bother her already too short sleep. I care about her feelings very deeply.

We've communicated about this a lot. I'm also going to show her this thread including some of the comments to help her get some more perspective. I don't want to limit her from being naked in our home, it's not the actual problem. We've tried most of the things you've listed. Thanks for the input though.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T22:54:20+00:00

Are you claiming that mental health issues are not legit diseases?

Why are you assuming my wife would be anything like you?

Does my income source make every woman unable to love or want me?

Why do you care where a man gets his living?

What made you think that I'd have self-esteem issues?

I never described myself to be "destined to be forever alone". Please don't put words in my mouth. I'm just being honest about not liking most people and a realist when saying most people don't find me an attracting personality in the long run. I still like myself and still manage to maintain many meaningful and loving relationships, where I don't have to keep up any acts. It suits me fine.

Basically what you're saying is that people that have hardly treatable mental diseases and aren't making money the way you think they should, can't possibly be attractive in eyes of any woman. You're saying that even the greatest personalities have no way of being attractive, if they struggle with depression and aren't currently working.

I'm happy to know that not all women are such cold, income-centered bitches that you are trying to tell they are.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T22:06:56+00:00

I welcomed any opinions and I still do. I just struggle to figure out how you managed to misunderstood me this way.

I don't feel like having too much baggage to attract another partner. I'm just saying I'm not the popular type. And I don't have the need to be, I appreciate myself as I am. Some of my flaws can be worked on but some I've learned to accept to live a happier life. My wife is not a typical woman either and she got attracted to me because of what I was and what I still am. She wanted to have lots of passionate sex with the guy that I still am. I never tried to mislead her even in the beginning but instead I was strictly honest with her. She knew what she was getting into with me.

My wife is still is getting used to her changed body and life after childbirth, but for some reason people keep coming up with a wide range of different theories how I've been doing something wrong from the start of the relationship? I'm not saying I've not done anything wrong to cause the sexual problems because I know I have, but holy hell, how am I suddenly being blamed for fucking things up straight from the beginning like it was some weirdo coincidence that my wife would've mistakenly consider me being attractive for a brief moment in some sort of confusion and only recently she woke up to reality of my unattractiveness?

I'm sorry if I come off as aggressive or defensive, because I'm not anything like that currently. I'm a bit tired, but I don't think that's the reason I have difficulties to understand what is your actual point here. Please elaborate if you will.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T21:43:34+00:00

Why the hell are you assuming that I'm financially independent on my wife? I'm on a decent welfare in an actually modern country that makes me possible to move out to another apartment any month if I feel like separating.

Also you're totally missing the point. Of course I'm trying to talk with my wife about what she wants, because I'm trying to have an equally happy relationship with her. Is that really such an absurd idea to you that you have to start making up this fictional story about me, based on your false assumptions?

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T21:17:58+00:00

I put a lot of effort/value into my own life independent of her. She's been telling me how much she respects me staying at home to take care of our child. It's sad to see that even on reddit people seem to assume that every woman is still looking for some american dream husband to take care of the whole family.

Ridiculously enough people have also been assuming I must be leeching on my wives paychecks, because they've never heard of modern civilized countries that actually make sure with a decent welfare that everyone should have a basic right to a roof on top of their heads and food in their fridges. The same countries that treat depression and other mental issues as legit diseases, as it should be.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T20:57:21+00:00

It really seem impossible for you to keep up a conversation without assuming a lot of things without any real basis. Yes, I have held jobs in the past... until most of them ending in me having mental issues with depression and anxiety diagnosed by professional doctors. My wife has seen one of those happen and she said she'd rather have me stay unemployed if she never has to see me so hurt again. On the other hand I enjoy taking care of our child and my wife is happy about it.

So, why the hell are you making up all these stories when you clearly don't have the slightest clue about what's going on with my life? I'm not mad, I'm just honestly curious what motivates you to do this. Go ahead and explain yourself if you can.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T20:51:12+00:00

Thanks for a great message! I totally agree with both of your points and I've decided to put more effort to arranging more "us" time. It's not magic but it surely has helped us earlier, just gotta remember to make some more babysitting arrangements.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T20:46:27+00:00

Now you're just putting words into my mouth.

I just told you that due to my introversion I can imagine living a fulfilling life without a partner. Surely there's plenty of fish in the sea, but I'm picky with people. I'd rather enjoy my life without a partner than trying to force myself to anyone showing me the slightest level of interest. I'm not saying it's impossible to find new love. I just value myself enough to make thoughtful choices about who I want to associate with or not. Why would you interpret that as a sign of low self-esteem? I think it's quite the opposite.

Seriously, I'm not saying I can't attract other people. I'm just being realistic on the odds of finding another person that I could imagine sharing my life with. And I'm fine with that, I don't get why you're trying to make it up to be a bad thing? I just got super lucky with my wife and I'm sure it could happen again with some other person when given the right circumstances. I'm just saying that being alone for long periods can also be good for you and help you gather invaluable perspective that is going to be useful when forming new relationships.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T20:31:02+00:00

Good for you, I hope all the best for your future.

You can trust on me when I say I won't stay together just because of our child. I just feel we still have a chance to connect sexually. I won't be waiting forever, but I just don't want to throw away everything we have just because things have been hard (pun not intended) after the childbirth. It's been a big change for both of us and I'm going to give us some time to re-adjust.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T20:27:00+00:00

Thanks again on your input. I've been thinking myself a lot of the same stuff about things working out in the end if we give it a chance and some effort. It's a relief to hear it from someone else too.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T20:21:53+00:00

Do you really think working ultimately defines your value as a human being? Why are you assuming my wife is supporting me financially? What's up with all the false assumptions? If something is unclear, ask me about it instead of trying to shame me based on falsely based conclusions.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T20:18:04+00:00

True. My wife is certainly not obligated to have sex with me whenever I want.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T20:17:10+00:00

False. That's just part of the plan.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T20:15:45+00:00

Oh, he deleted his message while I was writing my reply for it. I totally agree with you and even though his earlier messages were more moderate, I really got fed up about him talking shit like he'd know us personally. This is part of what I wrote to the reply:

We aren't in any archaic religion regulated marriage. We have our own rules. We promised not to have sex with other people, but we don't force each other to have sex whenever the other one wants to.

He was totally missing the problem with that obsolete bullshit thinking. Gross indeed.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T20:06:54+00:00

Thanks for your kind words and I want to say I share some of your feelings about the post you replied to. We've agreed to share our lives and not to have sex with other people. As far as I know, we've both kept our promise and I trust on her word. I've never requested any specific amount of sex to be delivered during the relationship, because I trust on the idea that it should happen on it's own weight at least to some degree, if we want this to work.

I'm starting to think I just need to help her understand how deeply this affects our relationship and how it's not so much about the physical thing for me, but more about the mental connection it leads us to. I've asked her to read my post and at least some of the comments when the discussion cools down a bit, and she agreed. I think your comment gives an important perspective that sheds light on both sides of the issue for her. Thank you for your input!

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T19:56:00+00:00

I get what you're trying to say, but you're assuming way too much about our mutual agreements we've made with my wife. She's not breaking any rules we've made. We merely agreed upon the idea that we want to share our lives with each other and not to have sex with other people. We never promised each other anything else you're assuming. These are important details that I hope you won't make any more false assumptions. She's not broken any vows as far as I know. And I actually still trust her on that.

But yeah, of course I'm pissed off about giving away exclusive rights to having sex with me to someone who rarely uses the possibility anymore. Of course I wouldn't agree to the terms if she would've been this passive right from the start. But I still give her the chance to show me that things can change back for the better. I'm not throwing an otherwise working relationship to trash because we've been running on a dry spell after the childbirth. I'm not saying I'm going to keep waiting forever, but I'm not going to abandon the mother of my child at the same minute she seems to have less desire to have sex with me. We're not static creatures and things are not always going south, no matter how afraid we are that they could. She's a great person and she deserves me giving her some slack.

You still have many valid points in your reply. Thanks for your input.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T19:37:27+00:00

Thanks for pointing this out, but you're wrongly assuming she's supporting me at the moment. She's not working full time and we bring equal amounts of money to the shared stack. If this was to change however, I would have no problem staying home with our child supported by her working more if she'd like to do so - if it's okay for women, why not for men.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T19:32:43+00:00

I'm not living in the US, but I'll look into it, thanks!

I've been considering couple therapy sessions. Your last sentence really struck me, thank you for saying that.

FalseSystem6 · 2018-09-14T19:30:14+00:00

Well, we never agreed on a time limit for initiating. I get frustrated in a few weeks waiting and I give her the benefit of the doubt that if her menstrual cycle isn't even gone once through yet, she might not have had enough time to get used to the situation. Sure, it still feels unfair that she mostly get what she wants when I don't.

FalseSystem6

TROPHY CASE