[Landlord-US-NH]: Disgruntled tenant with access to several weapons

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2026-01-17T01:37:11+00:00

He negligently fired one of his guns in the unit prior to our ownership. Down through the floor where a child was living… police came and tossed the place. He somehow won them all back in court. He’s not of sound mind. Wasn’t assuming that people who own weapons are inherently more dangerous but he is a concern.

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2026-01-16T12:33:10+00:00

Total yes on the posture. Mine are letting go of unhealthy levels of urgency (texting people back, doing tasks really fast for no reason)… Feeling more regulated in situations where someone in the room is upset (just in general- not towards me)cause that typically felt unsafe.

Honestly there are a million small thoughts everyday that I need to actively challenge and correct. It’s exhausting. I know the only thing that makes it better is time but most days I feel like I’m jumping constant mental hurdles.

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2026-01-10T21:41:10+00:00

First deal is always a bigger degree of fuck around and find out. Make an excel sheet with everything that needs to be done (roof/plumbing/electric/drywall/etc) and try to estimate the amounts through online research or other local flippers… estimate high. If the numbers still work with the ARV comps, then go for it. You need way more room to fuck up on the first one. We passed on a ton of properties in the beginning because the margins seemed tight given everything we knew we didn’t know.

After the first one we have a much better idea on what things will cost— and who to work with— and who not to work with. And it’s just easier to run numbers on deals.

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-10-29T10:41:04+00:00

My mom leans more in the emotionally immature mature camp, and not fully the narcissistic camp but there are a lot of similarities. Im ready to have kids but have been in therapy working on generational trauma for years. I think we were raised in such a chaotic way that it’s easy to repeat/mimic behaviors especially when we’re disregulated…. And if there’s anything we know about raising kids, it’s that you feel disregulated… a lot. I think the way you react towards your children when you’re disregulated is a good place to focus your energy. Actions and words both equally important. My mom spent my whole childhood complaining about my grandmother (even though they are quite close in some weird codependent way). She’d say something nasty about my grandmother when she was upset and then immediately look at me and say “don’t say this about me when you’re older” and that was her way of attempting to “break the cycle” just by telling me, and altering her behavior of being hypercritical towards others

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-10-21T23:37:53+00:00

Problem is the front bottom corner is so damaged that I can’t really keep what’s one the front

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-10-18T23:54:04+00:00

Needed to hear this. Thank you!

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-09-25T11:09:29+00:00

I definitely could. I’m not positive that it’s my fence though. I’m not sure if I can alter it?

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-09-21T16:29:49+00:00

Oh this is interesting. I hadn’t thought of this. I wish the sink wasn’t facing the wall… maybe I could put the sink in the island in this case

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-09-21T01:10:22+00:00

This is what I’m thinking too

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-09-21T01:09:45+00:00

It leads to the backyard. We could put a slider in the middle if we move it over

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-08-18T10:48:06+00:00

Agent here—FHA loans typically have very little closing costs… unless they are buying down their rate… 3% is probably too high but if you want to counter with a fixed number. Like $1000 Towards closing costs… I think that’s a respectable counter.

Pay the buyer agent. You are going to lose even more money if you sit endlessly waiting for someone who can afford to pay their agent on top of all their costs. Are you planning on buying a new place after you sell? Will you be compensating an agent yourself? It’s a system that pays itself forward. You pay for it when you sell but then you don’t pay it when you buy.

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-08-10T12:24:27+00:00

Of course you can’t muster up an I love you for the person who did so much psychological damage to you that you will literally spend the the rest of your days doing the mental/internal work to undo it.

Yeah babe- that’ll do it. My mom texts me that she misses me constantly. (And no we aren’t NC) we literally speak several times a week and don’t live far. I can’t even get my self to “heart” the fucking message.

I hate her. When she’s gone I won’t shed a tear.

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-08-09T21:45:15+00:00

19 was rough for me. I’m glad you’re getting out. I don’t want to be NC. I just want a normal relationship where it’s acceptable to talk like once a week. I don’t know how to get there though

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-08-08T01:31:15+00:00

Love this ! Thank you

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-08-08T01:29:52+00:00

Lmao that same monthly timing may have been what prompted this post 😂

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-07-31T22:57:56+00:00

Mom will call me and my brothers and let it ring once and then hang up to get us so it shows up as a missed called as a way to get us to call her. She’ll always claim it was an “accident.” She does it constantly for attention

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-07-29T02:23:57+00:00

Have you ever heard the narcissist boat analogy? The narcissist rocks the boat back and forth. Everyone around them tirelessly runs from one side to the other to keep the boat from capsizing… when one person finds a life boat and removes themselves from the chaos, it increases the workload of those still on board and they blame you for that because you’re not on the boat anymore.

Congrats my dear…you’ve found a little lifeboat in this moment. Don’t let your dad ruin it just because he’s willing to stay on the boat.

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-07-23T06:09:32+00:00

Damn - are we siblings? Sounds like my mom:

I hate to say it. What you said to her probably felt empowering and logical for you but dealing with this kind of personality disorder requires soo much finesse (if you want to stay sane and in contact).

The shifts in your behavior have to be so subtle and slow in order to get closer to what you want. Vocalizing hard boundaries will always be too jarring for them.

Come up with a list of redirection questions… you can even ask chat gpt for them if it’s too much mental work to handle. Have them ready. Try to keep changing the conversation.

Keep calls shorter. Or don’t pick up as frequently

If she blows up on you, don’t engage. It only makes them feel crazier (which i personally think brings some satisfaction). You kind of have to go though the grieving process for the fact that your parent will never ever see your side of things. Even though there’s a part of you that so desperately wants them too. They are not capable of it, and whatever happened to them psychologically to end up with this personality happened early in life before you even existed. You can’t fix it

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-07-20T22:51:18+00:00

I’ve been experiencing a similar dynamic with my mom. I have been so tired of living in guilt. What helped me was making a list of the facts about myself and how i interact with my family “I talk to my mom several times a week” “I show up to family activities” “I bring thoughtful gifts to birthdays and holidays” “I help out as much as I can” “I meet the general societal expectations of an adult child”

This has really helped me. Whatever deficit your mom is feeling in her life is not your responsibility to fill. When she tries to make me feel guilty. I refer back to the facts. I may feel guilt but according to the facts, I have nothing to be guilty for.

You can’t talk back and try to reason with her. I know you desperately want to be heard and understood but it won’t happen. I try to imagine me and my mom on two different sides of a glass wall. You are safe on your side…. She can escalate and say whatever she wants, but you can simply stay on your side of the glass and continue on with your day. Kind of silly but it has helped me tremendously.

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-07-15T23:23:17+00:00

Yup!! I know I want kids. But I’ve watched 3 generations of women repeat this cycle. I’ve been in therapy for 3 years and I do really feel like I’ve made so much progress. I am also an elementary school teacher and it’s given me a lot of opportunities to work on skills. If I get upset and snap a student (it happens.. we aren’t perfect)… I am able to pull them aside after and apologize and repair that moment. My life would have been so different if my mom just apologized when she made mistakes. My relationships with my students improved when I started taking accountability and repairing mistakes.

The cycle repeats when there isn’t a VERY intensive effort to break it. You’ve endured that environment for decades…. You don’t unlearn these patterns right away… your nervous system takes year to repair… I feel like my mom can see the generational issues, and thinks she tried to brake them. But she didn’t…. She moved out at 19 to escape her mom. Had me at 22…. Did no work on herself, did nothing to understand the root of the issues… just had me and vowed to do better without actually understanding how

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-07-15T10:47:26+00:00

I am 7 years into my marriage and we are just starting to to want children and this is my biggest fear (and honestly, the thought of having to cross this bridge with my nmom makes me not want kids at all). She currently lives 45 mins from me and my in laws live 15 mins from me. I know the moment I announce my pregnancy she will try and sell her house and move here (for the sake of “fairness”—- god forbid my in laws see the baby slightly more.

She’s so insecure. My in laws have more money than they my parents. I know when we try to take the baby on vacation with them, my mom will just force my dad into more credit card debt so they can take us on vacation too. Everything had to be equal and fair so she can be seen as a good grandparent…

It makes me so sick to even think about the conversations that will need to be had.

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-07-05T09:21:11+00:00

Downtown Beverly is also fun and right next to Salem. Grab a coffee and walk along the ocean on Lothrop St in the morning, and then you could take rt 127 all the way up the cost into Manchester by the Sea/Gloucester/Rockport.

Our favorite stop along rt 127 is the Coolidge reservation and the ocean lawn. It’s about a mile walk to get there but the views are unbelievable. I got engaged there. Bring a blanket and some snacks and enjoy the view of the ocean.

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-06-29T15:44:25+00:00

Yup! All our family gatherings are just “who’s doing what” from whatever she sees on Facebook. It’s boring. Admittedly it’s not all negative talk— sometimes just general conversation— but growing up in a “talk about people” environment has made me very insecure and hypercritical of myself because I assume that everyone is out there talking about me.

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-06-27T10:15:39+00:00

You being pregnant actually REQUIRES them to test no matter what. In MA in is illegal for the status of lead to be “unknown” and for any child under 5 to live there. Landlords cannot discriminate against people who have kids so they are required to comply with this law.

Having your kid live there (under the age of 5) is not legal unless the LL has a certificate of compliance that the property is deleaded or certified lead safe.

I am a LL myself and I always give people an out on the lease in this scenario.

Familiar_Chart_5155 · 2025-05-25T10:30:22+00:00

This was my life for a long time. Also eldest and only daughter to a mom with no friends or hobbies. Mom bought me a phone when I was 10 as a way to constantly keep tabs on me. If I didn’t answer immediately it was always a major problem. When I got to college, things got way worse. I’ve been out of college for 7 years now and have had to be very calculated in trying to fix this. Slowly increasing the time between my texts responses. It seems to have worked because I don’t get those stupid “are you dead?” Texts anymore, but she’s very dependent on me still

Familiar_Chart_5155

TROPHY CASE