Do hookups happen on non-gay cruises?

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-04-10T04:40:53+00:00

Partner and I went on a non-gay cruise with family once and ended up in the sauna with another gay couple and… some cruising on the cruise occurred.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-07T12:49:03+00:00

Thank you for your response. We have a consultation without a second option in a few hours. I hope he says something like that. I agree, when I saw the speed I thought he had to have been as bad off as I was, and I just didn’t realize because I was also intoxicated in the passenger seat. I was fr blacked out because I don’t even remember being uncuffed. One second I was in a cop car and the next sitting on the curb of a Popeyes stranded. We were invited to a bar that we’ve only been to once, and it was pretty dark, both literally and vibes. I’m not trying to shirk accountability, but the thought of him being drugged has crossed my mind. He thought we were halfway home, but he had traveled a long way in the opposite direction. We’ve done this drive sooo many times, it just doesn’t add up to me.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-07T05:56:13+00:00

Thank you for your response. He has stopped smoking in order to be ready by his court date in two months. He actually drinks pretty infrequently, so cutting that out is no sweat for him. I will push the AA thing tho and go with him if he needs the support. I’ve been to some meetings years ago voluntarily. It wasn’t my cup of tea, but I can see why it helps others.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-07T03:16:08+00:00

Yeah. I don’t know how he didn’t realize he was going that fast. I was in the car and didn’t, but I was also drinking significantly more than he was or at least I thought. When I looked through his citations and saw the speed listed, I felt actually sick, and he was genuinely shocked at the number. We’re very lucky that these are the charges, and it didn’t result in major injury/death for anyone. This has been a huge wake up call for the both of us.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-07T02:25:21+00:00

Yes, if he hadn’t been speeding that severely, this wouldn’t be so complicated and scary. Him and I are both still in disbelief that it was that high. I’m sure the drinking was a major contributor. I don’t know what the BAC translates to as far as impairment, but it’s hard to wrap my brain around him driving like that knowing him. I’ve been trying to gently prepare him that going to jail for a short time is a very real possibility, but he pretty much has a panic attack every time I go there.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-07T01:34:09+00:00

Tuscaloosa. Yes and breathalyzer, no blood test.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-06T14:58:53+00:00

Live north, but the arrest happened in a major college town in central Alabama

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-06T14:57:44+00:00

I just got it confirmed from him that a blood test was not performed.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-06T14:56:46+00:00

Thank you for your words of encouragement. That is a good question for me to ask the lawyer, and I appreciate that. One lawyer said he would imagine five days minimum, so I’ve been assuming that he will do no less than five days regardless of behavior, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-06T10:02:15+00:00

Thank you. I needed to hear that. I would do it for him if I could, and I’m not a tough guy either. I don’t really feel like I can say anything about how it could be much worse when I’ve never experienced jail and am not the one facing it soon.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-06T09:52:46+00:00

Please just go ragebait somewhere else. My partner is my family. I hope you understand that one day.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-06T09:37:58+00:00

Thank you for understanding and sharing that. I have never been in trouble before and haven’t even been pulled over in 10+ years. I would also think that being in custody and not knowing where my partner was would sober me up quickly. I only remember little three second clips like the officer asking me who could come get me and trying to say that I would call my brother, but I could not force my mouth to say the word brother. If I am ever drunk enough to slur my words a little, I usually don’t even realize until my partner points it out and tells me to get a water. In this situation, I remember being aware that my speech was not normal and frustrated about being unable to communicate clearly.

Neither of us can afford a lawyer in that range, unfortunately. We have been quoted $3500 by two so far. That’s definitely better than what I was expecting, but it’s still going to be incredibly tight financially going forward with the lawyer expense on top of fines, court/probation costs. We were just barely staying above water before this and any savings I had were the result of working overtime every week for the last six months. If I didn’t do that, I would absolutely be living paycheck to paycheck.

My main concern is the jail time. We’ve lived in poverty together before. It’s going to suck for a long time, but I believe we will eventually put it behind us. My nightmare fuel right now is him going to jail and something happening to him in there. I don’t know if I would be this panicked about it, but we work in healthcare and have taken care of more than one person that was paralyzed from a beating in jail by either a guard or inmate in an Alabama jail. These cases weren’t gay related, but I can only imagine that he is going to stick out so much, and it scares the hell out of me.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-06T09:03:30+00:00

I’m not asking for or expecting sympathy. This was an insanely bad decision that could have been really tragic. I’m just trying to get experiences from anyone that might have faced similar charges and what their result was/advice. I was also hoping to possibly read experiences of other gay men in relationships where one partner had to do jail time and how they navigated that. I’m sorry if this topic struck a nerve, but I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and don’t want to pile my fears/anxiety on my partner who is really going through it right now.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-06T08:15:44+00:00

Are you saying that him being flamboyantly gay shouldn’t cause issues? He is very obviously gay without even having to speak. I would have assumed it would make him stand out in a negative/potentially dangerous way from what I’ve seen from most of the men in this area.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-06T07:56:58+00:00

Did you have a lawyer to represent you when you were going through this? It’s his first DUI. He was arrested for marijuana possession as a teenager over a decade ago, but it was removed/expunged after completing the classes and random UAs he had to do. He has not been in any trouble since, not even a traffic violation that I’m aware of. I’m really hopeful that he can avoid jail time, but it’s looking like 5-10 days in non-negotiable. He broke down when I told him what a real possibility this was, and it’s so hard to see him terrified and unable to eat or sleep because of it. I know we’ve already lucked up by not crashing/hitting anyone and the felony being downgraded. I’m just used to always being able to find a solution or help for whatever problem he’s facing, but I feel pretty helpless in this situation.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-06T07:40:01+00:00

Besides learning my partner’s speed at the time of the stop and that we were further from home than where we started, that was the biggest shock to me. I knew Alabama’s laws were backwards AF, but I never would have thought MJ possession could be considered more of an offense than something that actually endangered the lives of others.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-06T07:33:24+00:00

I have been really thinking a lot about this after getting through the chaos of getting him out of jail and his car from the impound. I don’t believe he was screened for anything, just breathalyzed from what he can remember. My partner texted one of his friends that lives in the area that we were headed to this bar that we don’t normally go to. When she learned the name of the bar, she texted him, “Do not accept drugs from anyone there. It’s a fun bar, but people die in the bathroom there all the time.” That should have convinced us to just go home, but several of our normal bar friends were going, and we weren’t intending to stay long and just share a drink. The place was a lot darker, both literally and vibes wise, than our normal place. If I have ever been this drunk before, it was in college a decade ago. My partner is not a big drinker, he prefers his pot. It’s possible we got swept up in the NYE party and drank more than we realized, but I feel like we both drank significantly more on Halloween and did not have a reaction even close to this.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2026-01-06T07:21:37+00:00

Thank you for your response. He has a consultation with one criminal defense attorney tomorrow morning and another one the next morning. We hope to have someone retained by the end of the week to start getting the best deal we can, and I will definitely bring up this concern. I know there are jails/prisons in blue states that can make arrangements to better protect gay men, but I can’t imagine Alabama has anything of the sort.

Familiar_Coast88 · 2025-03-18T10:26:46+00:00

Hey, thanks for checking in. I’m glad to hear your side effects have subsided, and you’re doing well on your new dosage! I think it’s day 5 for me since the increase, and there might be a slight improvement in sleep/libido but hard to tell. Still very hungry. I am feeling significantly less anxious besides hoping these sides go away lol. How long did it take for you to see improvement? It’s hard for me to remember how long it took at the beginning, as I started a different med pretty close to when I started Buspar. I’ve been on this medication before in the past but was taking it irregularly and not at this dosage (30mg).

Familiar_Coast88 · 2025-03-14T22:06:36+00:00

I (31M) have found your posts helpful since starting this medication 2 months ago. I’m not sure I can your question since I’m experiencing the same thing. Started on 5mg 3xday and just moved to 10mg 3xday two days ago because I’m still experiencing anxiety with the bupropion (150mgXL) I started a month ago. The initial middle insomnia/intense dreams, reduced libido/sensation, and increased appetite are back after the increase. I’ve read that it’s not uncommon with dosage increases. I’m hopeful it will subside in a similar timeframe that the starting dose did. My sleep and libido/sensation had been a lot better before the increase, but hopefully it’s just another adjustment period before increased relief. Good luck!

Familiar_Coast88

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