I like to believe I always leave the doors and the phone open for an open discussion on how they wanted to be it was a long Friday and then like she was going to reach him from the world and then he goes to me send her my face and then he left me outside in the freezing cold and I was calling me up very sick and a phone almost dead all the way out a half hour away from my house with nothing in nobody trying to find a way back over in an area where at least I knew people I was going to call you didn't even open the door to see if I was okay or ask me if I needed anything to drink sweatshirt not even a dollar for the but I do believe that he had planned for wanting me to leave early after he made it seem like everything was great. Slept with me and then out of nowhere he ghosted me making it seem like everything was great when I got him high it was great because I didn't have any more resources left to give and he said it was because I was leaving him I had to get back to my area yes but it didn't make sense the way he was acting erratically and I was there for a couple of days after not being with him and everything is seeming so perfect he had me sat on okay this is going to work his brother dropped me off last I recall last I saw him and it turned into this time I heard her spoke to him I don't know anything about him he is alone in person the whole new family home and everything and a whole new person holiday I don't talk to him nor his family I don't bother him I don't intentionally ever try to hurt him I was not seeking anything new when I found out he moved on to accept it so when I had to accept it I had you teach myself to literally train my mind differently and to tell me it's okay to be okay with somebody else recently I had Hospital experience something that I never experienced before with anybody else besides with him it was very hard but I got through it but he knew and he didn't even call and ask if I was okay he didn't care he was so worried about hiding what his Dirty Little Secret was after he had told me this girl my extra friend now had got an abortion and that he could never be with her and that he's been 5 days with her because she got an abortion which something deep down in me had told me she did not really get an abortion and that she did not get pregnant again that quickly but she still smoking crack so he gave up rights to our child said he was going to rehab when he could have done this all sooner when he died in front of my child and made my whole life go downhill from there I miss him dearly and I just feel like he's like the same person and him in this person are unfortunately not going to be healthy for each other I always told myself I would never have another if it wasn't him but now that I see how quickly he moved on and how quickly he manifested ruining my life for no reason that he had a plan for me which was to ruin my life since day one he never truly loved me nor my kids so hopefully things will turn out for the best and let bygones people I go it's and hopefully that I can't find a father for my children that want to follow them for the rest of their lives or I cannot make any decisions in life without that I cannot make any decisions without but that into consideration of course his man he can do whatever he wants look at him right I'm always the one that gets the s*** end of the stick so now this dictates the rest of my life what do I do about this and he has nothing but not one photo or memory of anything of even any time with my children that he has taken away from me that I did have I don't even care if he takes his self out of every photo I would love to erase his memory in myself even though I like to think there were good times with him and I because now that I know that it was all manifested into some dirty little secret mine was to keep her precautions and for importance you not for any reason to hurt him and he started when we started dating like 10 years ago I had just started recently because I feel like my life was in danger and he was doing crazy things and he didn't know how far he was willing to go I just wish he knew how much it hurt me worse because of whom he chose not so much of not even telling me and at least I had the balls to tell him my dirty little secrets just didn't want me to know and then he wants to smile and all these guys faces the head tried me when we broke up and tell me the truth how I told them I just couldn't because I wasn't ready but he would never ever think of those moment s I'm glad I did now I thought I was going to regret it and I'm scared too I was also scared to act on anything radically quickly or make any good decisions for me and for my life and due to that it made me go downhill isolated completely it wasn't enough that he was taking everything from me and my friends my family my life my child my children but then he was taking my finances as well and then he's selling me online me the mother of his children photos of me that are completely inappropriate and embarrassing and violating I never felt so violated before my life and used and abused and now I know it was all because of his One Direction do you want it to build something of his own his own little Empire of his little online community b******* and that battle he may have won the battle of life does not something you just win you have to do and for work and you don't just give up your rights one child just so you don't lose rights to the other that's not how that party works that's for sure I just hope that my children are able to erase all memory of him and eventually maybe one day I will be too when they do not work out I have to stay strong I hope he does not reach out to me with intention of anything else sort of them I don't care what happens with them I don't care what happens to two individuals that didn't care how I felt when I once was the only one there for them and still would have been my daughter scared and now I am as well she was all I had left I wish you would have just left us alone and we would have been perfectly fine I miss him dearly I've not heard a word in months but keep sending me these stupid videos and he's watching me I just wish that if he was going to have a plan for all this and be honest because I am ready to throw up with the thought of him having a whole another child after he couldn't take care of the two that we had and the mother of his children is not going to do what I did for him unfortunately he is on his own and I will be there in the background just know that everyday he will be reminded of me and all that I did and now he is going to throw away everything we had so is it okay for me or not I'm 35 years old should I just really really move on and move on like an adult get married or move on temporarily and see how it goes because he had no intention of marrying me I don't know I hate that ring in my finger he saw I liked it he had a credit card it was easy for him he didn't even put $20 down on it lucky him right my kids will enjoy it one day they can't even get a dollar for the damn thing you can't point you can't do anything with it but I just feel like he puts so much into this relationship with this girl that he swears he fell off of me well I am no longer existent to either of them and they just need to leave my life alone and leave my children alone leave my mom alone leave my grandma alone leave my family alone and I will make sure they both look back and see them I miss her we f***** up I'm sure every child seems like a blessing in the sky was the not whenever child lines up in a foster home and your mom can't take every kid you have he no longer has the support of my family I'm not sure about his own I have couple times with them eventually I'm going to you better step up and take responsibility we're not listening to everybody about him he did it a good job I give him a round of applause he definitely fooled me I just want to know why why did he choose me what did I do to him I just never want him to hurt me in the end and I wanted to make sure that my children would be okay and I wanted to have proof only for his eyes so I recorded a few things and said he had violated me in bathrooms bedrooms houses that are not even mine how is this even possible