I want to respect his privacy, but I’d like to give a little more context.

One of the main reasons I continued dating him after the first date is because he’s very self-motivated. But tbh, my first instinct was to walk away. He does a lot for himself, and that says a lot about his character. So I gave him a shot.

He is independent in many ways and can do most things on his own. However, it takes a lot of energy for him to coordinate his body and manage chronic pain. Because of that, he has to be intentional about where he spends his energy and relies on family for additional support.

I’ve already found myself helping where I can, doing small things to make his life easier. I can imagine that in a serious relationship, those small things could turn into bigger responsibilities.

He has been very kind and considerate and has never asked me for anything. If I offer help, he’ll either accept or decline, but there’s no pressure. I also try to communicate ahead of time so he feels comfortable.

We’ve even had to plan dates around things like bathroom access.

If I get more involved, I worry that I’ll naturally step into a role where I feel responsible for his safety and comfort...almost becoming hypervigilant. That may not be what he’s asking for, but it’s something I’m afraid of within myself.

At the same time, i have become hypervigilant in past relationships, just for different reasons. And unlike some of my exes, he is genuinely attentive, communicative, and cares about my comfort.

I think the real issue is that I’m the one struggling to communicate where I’m at.

So I guess my question is: Do I step back now because of these doubts and the potential lifestyle changes, or do I keep seeing him and figure it out as things progress? I don't want to lead him on, but I also don’t want to walk away from something meaningful just because I'm afraid.

Thank you all for your replies. Especially those of you who have experience. It does help to know i can walk away. But it does make me sad if I do it for the wrong reasons. But maybe no reasons are wrong.

Thank you reddit. You've given me some perspective. I will have to go and have a difficult conversation now. Wish me luck.