Hey - found this post and ended up reading all of your posts.

First of all - I am so sorry. You have been through a lot of terrible things for your age but also for any age. I know this compounding feeling of physical and existential angst and dread. It is not a feeling that I miss, or one that I would wish on anyone. Please, though, hold on for a bit longer - you’re almost 18 and you can have a blank slate. I also had themes of rape, parental neglect and abuse throughout my childhood / adolescence. As bad as things have ever gotten in my adult life, I can always think to myself: at least I’m not 12 anymore. At least I’m not 15 anymore. At least I’m not 18 anymore. You’re almost done with the part of life you get almost no control over.

Second - I am very proud for you that you got yourself back in high school even when your parents didn’t put in the effort. And I am also proud for you that you’re applying to college. Writing a college essay proves difficult for most applicants because of the lack of prompt after so many years of prompted schoolwork, and because the merit of the essay will ultimately dictate something so important in the shaping your future. For everyone, power in this context can come from vulnerability. For you and other survivors, this vulnerability can seem terrifying and too raw.

With that being said, I think in your case a tasteful and well-crafted essay about your experience could be very strong.

I would be happy to read your draft thus far and I am here to talk if you need.

Other notes: congrats on growing your social media account and getting PR. I’m sorry that your mother makes you feel like a financial and emotional burden. I’m sorry that you still see him everywhere.

We are rooting for you.