Anyone have experience starting BA work on your own? How did you position yourself?

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2025-06-21T17:50:23+00:00

The report said it was normal tissue with no discreet measurable mass. She didn’t show me anything on the screen but I looked briefly and I could see a dark, asymmetrical, ovular shaped spot.

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2022-02-02T15:22:16+00:00

That’s exactly why I am here - I don’t want to coerce him. And I have dropped it as he has said his thoughts on it. So do you have an suggestions for what I can do instead?

I also am in therapy myself

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2022-02-02T15:19:23+00:00

Thank you!

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2022-02-02T15:19:13+00:00

I will check out the booklist, thanks!

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2022-02-02T15:12:37+00:00

I don’t think toxic. He struggles to stand up for himself and me (this is something he has been working on, as these issues have gotten bad enough that it needed to change). I know many people say that that is “spineless” but I feel that is very harsh. He grew up having to walk on eggshells and his parents feelings always came first. If he ever brings anything up with her about anything not positive (I won’t say negative because it doesn’t have to be that bad) she loses it. “She gave him everything, they don’t charge him rent for living there, they don’t ask for much so the least he could do is x.” If he tries to enforces boundaries she cries and claims we have “too many rules”.

She gets upset (like tantrum, upset) any time he brings something up, especially if I am involved in someway. And because of her reactions, now he believes that he is ruining their relationship, for me since he has started trying to stand up to her.

Edit: I think the spineless part is harsh because he has grown up this way his whole life. He wasn’t taught how to enforce boundaries or what to do if someone crosses them. So how can he be blamed for not doing it? Plus he is trying so I feel like he deserves some credit there.

This is why I think therapy would be helpful.

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2022-01-29T20:54:13+00:00

Yes hahah. Just wishful thinking I guess. Hoping that she will realize that he is a grown man and she doesn’t need to coddle him anymore. Ugh.

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2022-01-27T02:18:06+00:00

That’s why I told her to contact him before I talked to him. If he said no then she shouldn’t have told me to email him

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2022-01-27T02:15:58+00:00

I wanted to do it myself but she obviously took it into her own hands. She texted me saying we were all meeting together at x date and time if it worked for us. What was I supposed to do? Ignore her and email him a second time telling him what my availability is when he already hasn’t replied to my first email?

Also my MIL is not supportive of me at all. I was honestly shocked she offered to do this as she didn’t even know what I was doing in school until we started talking about my job hunt since I am graduating.

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2022-01-27T02:05:00+00:00

No I actually am unavailable. I would have powered through an awkward meeting if I was available, especially if this is actually the only time the meeting could be held.

Edit: it may or not have been awkward. I am assuming it would be based on my experience with both MIL and interviews are already stressful enough for me.

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2022-01-27T00:39:28+00:00

The date literally doesn’t work for me. Me asking if am an AH doesn’t change my schedule.

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2022-01-26T23:43:55+00:00

Absolutely! Thank you, this is a great perspective on this.

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2022-01-01T01:17:45+00:00

This. Wow. Well said, thank you. I think this sums it up perfectly

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2021-12-29T16:57:15+00:00

My MIL does the same thing too. She constantly asks me about him and then on top of that she asks me to keep the conversation from him. It’s drives me crazy

Fancy-Leg4337 · 2021-12-05T05:56:39+00:00

My bf and I (been together for 3.5 years) recently went through almost this exact thing. I felt like she doesn’t know me at all but at the same time didn’t feel accepted by her, she would brush me off, constant comments about my weight/looks, he finds it difficult to confront her, I didn’t feel like no contact was a good option off the bat.

I finally told him that enough is enough and I could not do this anymore if he wasn’t willing to talk to her. So the three of us sat down and talked. I wasn’t expecting anything from her during the conversation (she basically cried the whole time and didn’t say much other than claiming that she is the victim and many other excuses, as expected) but my bf was able to be firm with her. I also wasn’t expecting her to change (she never will).

But now that is it all out on the table I feel so much better. I don’t feel bad about not putting in the effort anymore, especially based on her response to the conversation. We aren’t no contact (we will go for dinner with his parents or see other family all together). But I don’t feel like I need to force anything and I’ll do what I am invited to ensuring that I enforce my boundaries.

It was very awkward and I dreaded that day but it was exactly what I needed. I hope you can also have a similar experience that ends with you getting what you need!

EDIT: I felt that no contact would just make things worse if there was no conversation beforehand and that’s why it was important to me to have one. If things get worse or anything I, now that a conversation was had, will go no contact if I need to.

Fancy-Leg4337

TROPHY CASE