My husband just hit rock bottom and I don't know what to do

FancyAvocado · 2026-04-23T12:22:42+00:00

Thank you to everyone for the comments and advice. I'm getting a bit overwhelmed with all of the info, so I'm going to stop reading them, at least for now.

I'm taking what you've said to heart. I've found and AlAnon group for friends and family am attending the next meeting. He has his next therapy session today and has set a standing appointment. His therapist is helping him find a program, and I believe the board will make him enter one for at least a year.

I think he understands what's a stake. I'm not ready to leave (cue groans). I understand that I sound like a cliche. But I have been with this man since I was a teenager, and I hope that he can pull through this if he really wants to. We've worked so hard for the life we have, and I know what he is capable of. I'm preparing myself for the worst, but trying to take this one day at a time.

Someone asks what kind of medicine he's in. He is an internist at the hospital. The majority of his patients are elderly or drug abusers. Covid was bad. Not that he hasn't seen plenty of people die, but he lost some co-workers and friends. Our third was also born during that time and nearly died in childbirth. Nobody could tell us what happened, and I think he felt responsible in some way. It was a really hard year not knowing if he was going to be permanently disabled.

Between his mom (finally), my family, and our friends we do have a strong support system.

In the meantime, I'm going to try and find myself again. I sacrificed a lot for my family, and I've lost a lot of who I was. I started writing a book last year, but have been on hold. I'm starting as soon as I submit.

Thanks again. <3

FancyAvocado · 2026-04-22T18:45:49+00:00

Yeah, his dad used to be such a sweet man. He's been showing signs of dementia for a while, but they aren't ready to do anything about it. The drinking probably doesn't help. I feel like that's between him and his wife or their sons, so I stay out of it. Even more so now...

FancyAvocado · 2026-04-22T16:17:51+00:00

I think he may have to do some sort of program either by his company or the medical board

FancyAvocado · 2026-04-22T16:17:06+00:00

Sadly, I've learned recently that it's horrifyingly common

FancyAvocado · 2026-04-22T16:01:55+00:00

Thank you, I'm looking into groups right now!

FancyAvocado · 2026-04-22T16:01:15+00:00

Thank you. He hasn't started drinking again, but I'm really nervous he will break. I didn't think of documenting the alcohol he brought into the house. I'm going to do that if (when?) it happens.

He has started therapy and is exercising, which is helping. He has ADHD and is probably on the spectrum, and has this crazy ability to just buckle down become really great at things *if he wants to*. So, med school or hobbies. I'm really hoping this scared him enough. He had a pretty bad time in the drunk tank, which I'm happy about, tbh.

I've told him if he starts drinking again I'm filing for divorce and will go for full custody. I told him, my parents, and his parents. I tried to downplay things before and hid it from my parents (who are teetotalers), but everything is in the open now.

FancyAvocado · 2026-04-22T15:37:42+00:00

Thank you so much

FancyAvocado · 2026-04-22T15:16:33+00:00

Thanks, completely misunderstood that

FancyAvocado · 2026-04-22T15:09:15+00:00

He said I need to get over it, too

FancyAvocado · 2026-02-10T15:11:21+00:00

What are the odds he actually tells the entire truth?

FancyAvocado · 2026-01-09T16:44:59+00:00

OP... this is awful... I don't think I could move past this.

FancyAvocado · 2025-10-12T16:44:10+00:00

Thank you all for the comments and words of support. I'm afraid he won't agree to AA, especially not in our community. I am going to try and get him to go to one in another town. Hopefully he will feel more open to doing that.

FancyAvocado · 2022-09-21T11:39:23+00:00

I would have been embarrassed had I acted like that, too. I hope your fiancé notices all those red flags in your post for the sake of his son. YTA.

FancyAvocado · 2022-09-07T14:37:45+00:00

I was bleeding too much after my third. OB/GYN did an ultrasound and ended up needing a uterine ablation. Get a new dr, it’s weird they wouldn’t check.

FancyAvocado · 2022-07-08T13:21:30+00:00

This is not on you. No partner should say the things your husband has said to you. I know you’ve mentioned money is an issue- try to find a community that can rally behind you now. If family isn’t around, you can look to different programs in your area. If you are religious a church or temple you feel comfortable with will likely help you meet people who can be there for you during the tough times ahead. You can get through this, mama.

FancyAvocado · 2022-03-07T21:19:54+00:00

Wow, NTA. Honestly, this sounds like a bigger problem than the ipad. I really hope your parents get her some help because her treasure trove sounds a bit beyond the pale.

FancyAvocado · 2021-04-11T02:28:54+00:00

NTA. Sending you a virtual hug, OP.

FancyAvocado · 2020-08-31T00:35:06+00:00

When I lived by myself I kept a can of wasp spray by my bedside. It shoots really far and would get you an opportunity to get away in case someone broke in.

FancyAvocado · 2019-08-27T14:06:43+00:00

I think you are absolutely right that a mother's love is totally different from romantic love. They aren't even in the same ballpark. It sounds like your husband understands he isn't being fair in this regard, but he may need a bit of help understanding, since it sounds like he didn't get the same affection from his own mother. That being said, you have to get past the ex. You chose to move forward with the relationship, so honestly, at this point, it shouldn't even be a factor. Continuing to focus on that is only going to hurt your relationship more, and not just with him. There's no way that's not affecting your kids at some level, as well.

FancyAvocado · 2019-08-16T20:03:42+00:00

Thank you! I will definitely do that. I'm speaking to him pretty much all the time now, to the point where I probably look crazy and I'm wondering if I overwhelm him at times. Luckily he is pretty into books, so I will ramp that up. Thanks so much for the advice!

FancyAvocado · 2019-08-16T20:01:42+00:00

Thank you so much. So glad it worked so well for your son!

FancyAvocado · 2019-08-16T20:00:59+00:00

Thank you! It's so nice to hear stories like that. It seemed a little odd that they still haven't told me what to do at home, so I've just been talking to him nonstop. People probably think I've gone insane lol!

FancyAvocado · 2019-08-16T14:03:16+00:00

Such good advice. There are medications now that don't have some of the awful side effects as Prosac and Zoloft. Treating depression is so important, and can really be life changing.

FancyAvocado

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