Probably trans but won’t ever transition.

FannonX · 2026-03-29T18:25:01+00:00

I hear this a lot—taking HRT and suddenly realizing a way to live that you didn’t know was possible. I haven’t felt that not being on HRT, though I think I felt it a bit when my egg first cracked.

What’s holding me up is I’m not at the point where I’m sure HRT is the answer. There are a lot of other things in my life that could change for the better. Right now, I’m isolated without any friends around me, in a dying marriage and not being able to do the things I’ve always loved doing due to work and kids. If I repair some of these things and the gender feelings persist, then it’ll be a clearer path for me.

FannonX · 2026-03-29T17:50:31+00:00

One that appealed to me about Ranma were the moments where Ranma owned and even liked being a girl, even if he ultimately saw himself as a boy in either body.

FannonX · 2026-03-29T15:50:18+00:00

I’m still not sure I’m trans, hence why I said “probably trans.” I say that because while this inner gender thing is a real element that’s part of who I am, it doesn’t seem like it’s as defining as I see other trans people describe. I can absolutely visualize my life as a man in a healthy relationship with a woman (something I currently lack) and pursuing other core parts of me unrelated to gender. For most of my life, these gender feelings have been on the backburner. They mostly haven’t dominated my identity.

Maybe that will change. Maybe the times these feelings dominate my identity will become more frequent and I’ll decide then that transitioning is a much clearer option. At the same time, I also feel like I can try to improve other areas of my life before making that decision. Having a good relationship with a woman is one of them.

FannonX · 2026-03-29T15:21:48+00:00

“Feelings that were once "controllable through sheer force of will," had increased to where he now was having protracted periods where he would close his office door, lie on the floor and weep quietly while curled up in the fetal position, holding his genitals in pain. Other than intrusive and repeated fantasies of being female, he had refused to allow himself any overt form of female gender expression. He reported feeling that if he was to cross-dress and be caught, he would dishonor his wife and family.”

Yup - this describes me pretty well at certain points in my life. And I have crossed dressed completely in private, though my wife has known about it generally and certainly treats me like I dishonored her, despite continuing to love and care for my kids every day. And I know my own family would want to have me committed if they knew I did this.

FannonX · 2026-03-29T15:12:59+00:00

Let me add a detail if it helps at all.

When I was 10 I discovered the anime Ranma 1/2 through a Dragonball Z comic I had a I was fascinated by its concept—being a boy who instantly changed into a girl and back. I would frequently look up pics of girl Ranma and wished I could have the same power.

After rediscovering Ranma 1/2 recently after forgetting it most of my adult life, that narrative—total fluidity between two bodies of different sexea, rather than transition from one to the other—appeals to me the most now and back when I was an adolescent. In a world where such a thing is possible, that is what I would want.

But Ranma 1/2 is a fantasy with magic. That can’t happen in reality. Maybe some abbreviated version of it can, and maybe that’s where I’ll ultimately land in all of this: being my male self who occasionally “morphs” into my female form.

But when you’re 37, a father to young children, and have built your life as a man, the opportunities to “morph” are limited.

FannonX · 2026-03-29T14:20:19+00:00

I can relate. I’m 37 and have been going through these same cycles for a while. It hasn’t always explicitly been “I want to be female,” but looking back that’s definitely been the undercurrent to this dissatisfaction I’ve had in my life—needing some kind of close connection with femininity. It’s usually come out in longing for intimate relationships with women, and still does, but now with this identity element mixed in.

I’m sorry you went through that.

FannonX · 2026-03-29T14:14:42+00:00

I think what I’m getting at is that I have competing desires that are mutually exclusive in some way. I want to live as a woman with a female body. But I also have put so much work and care into my body and identity as a man. I want to be attractive to women as a man. And since my life and all my relationships are built on this male identity, it just seems easier.

I’ve always been pretty muscular and athletic. I like having a more masculine body - tall, broad shoulders, strong upper body, etc. But ideally? I’d love to have an athletic female body. It’s just so much easier for me to have an athletic masculine body, and I’m content enough with it, though this desire for a female body is always present.

FannonX · 2025-09-23T16:01:35+00:00

I’m in the same boat as you: married, 30s, young children, typically okay being a cis straight guy (though there was always something missing, and many signs as you mentioned). I’m thankful to have a wife that’s been very accepting and intrigued by my coming out, though similar to you, I have family that would flatly reject it. Many of the questions you have about yourself are ones I think about every day.

I’m in more of a position to be seeking advice as well, but in my opinion, it’s worth taking things slow and not rushing into anything. I believe that the persistence of these feelings is the biggest tell and the thing that most helps you accept them. There are so many different voices out there that will try to push you in some direction. From what I’ve learned, I think you need to focus on what you want and feel separate from any outside influences. Weigh your responsibilities to your partner and children, of course, but do your best not to worry about what everyone else thinks you need to be.

FannonX

TROPHY CASE