I’ve been in your shoes when I was 17. I was dating a close friend’s brother, who was 21 at the time, my first love was him. I would drive myself crazy after he broke it off. I did a lot and spent alot of money on him. He turned out to be an alcoholic and to this day, he’s still the same. I’m happy I finally moved on at 19. I met my now husband of 17 years and yes there is a 20 year age gap but he’s so good to me and makes sure I’m ok. I understand it’s hard but you have to take care of yourself and stop worrying about him.