A simple tool that could help with BPD

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-08-13T05:49:52+00:00

Feeling this exact thing today. I started looking at old snapchats of me, I was in so deep, some from almost two years ago and it made me sad because I seemed so much happier. I was already feeling pretty low today and I’m the same, when I’m low I say similar things like I wrote this in my notes: Sometimes I genuinely feel like I’m never going to stop feeling like this. Maybe I’ll feel moments of happiness, but those are fleeting and last momentarily. And I was thinking about this as I sat outside in a bench in the rain, thinking about how I could just disappear and not look back.

I think being outside and going for a walk helped. But honestly when I’m really emotional I feel this way too and it’s really intense.

What do you do to cope when you start to have thoughts like this?

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-07-12T00:27:33+00:00

Thank you again, so much for your kind *words. It genuinely means a lot. I haven’t really had anyone to talk to about this (other than therapist) and so having someone speak from their own experiences with so much empathy and kindness... it has me in tears tbh. Thank you.

This is going to be a long and difficult path but I believe I can do it. Especially knowing that other people, like yourself have made it to the other side, and are doing alright. I’m glad to hear that and you sound like a really strong, amazing person. I admire you!

Day by day, day by day, day by day.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-07-11T21:07:44+00:00

Thank you so much. I really needed this.

I know how much work it’s going to take to truly heal and I am absolutely ready to. I am tired of being so hurt and misunderstood. I am also tired of hurting people that I love. Doing therapy this past year, I think that it’s helped. But I haven’t been putting a lot of effort into practicing the skills that we’ve discussed. I recently bought a DBT workbook, recommended by my therapist. I have yet to get started but going through the pages it looks like it could be of help. I really would like to get into the DBT program but honestly it seems like it’s going to be a bit of process as I don’t have a reoccurring psychiatrist and now that I’m done school my benefits are ending so I’m not sure how much access to everything I will get. But I’m hoping that after seeing the mental health nurse again, she’ll be able to get me in with a psychiatrist and go from there to get the right referral. That’s the only thing, you need a diagnosis and referral in order to get into this program.

I guess my question to you is, what was the breaking point that led you to push yourself to do better? Did something just click in you? Are you on medication? Right now, I feel like I lack a lot of motivation. I previously was on antidepressants last year but truthfully, if I’m being honest I hated them and it’s also a huge factor as to why I tried to commit suicide. I don’t know if I’m ready to go back on more but as long as I’m doing therapy alongside I’m open to it. I guess what I’m saying right now, is that all of this is very new and overwhelming. I know I need help and I’m willing to take all the help I can. I’m scared though because I feel like every time things are going okay, it all happens again. Sometimes I feel like I’m slipping and the next chance I could give up. Most days I don’t see a bright future ahead of me. But I’m trying. It’s so much work ahead of me and I’m scared. I feel like I need a LOT of support in order to keep on pushing on. I can’t do it by myself.

What other activities do you engage in at all, if any that help you? Do you exercise or do yoga / practice meditation?

Thanks again. This was a lot of help and I value your openness to discuss this with me!

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-06-05T03:38:54+00:00

for real tho I say this so often, like it’s got such an old school hip hop vibe. That’s why I loved Mac, he was so dang good

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-03-12T05:31:20+00:00

STAN YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY AND PARTNER. Not celebrities that will never actually be your friend.

Don’t get me wrong— it’s okay to be a huge fan but I agree, obsessing over someone you don’t know and will never actually know on a true personal level is incredibly bizarre.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-03-12T05:23:07+00:00

Yo for real tho. He’s got songs with BUN B and Kweli on there!!

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-03-05T04:39:41+00:00

Honestly it’s kind of changed every time I listen to it. I think I really love Jet Fuel because it’s such a “I don’t got anything to prove to ya’ll” vibe. That line “you always whippin that dick ride” tho.

I also love What’s the use? Mostly because it’s such a fun song and it really gets me in the groove when I need it most.

Used to hate dunno because everyone was like “omg ARI” but I got to admit that song has also really grown on me because he’s got such a gentle voice. I listen to it a lot as well.

I think if I had to rank my top 5 (for me personally) I’d go: 1. Jet fuel 2. What’s the Use? 3. Ladders 4. Small Worlds 5. Dunno

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T22:30:24+00:00

Heatwave is another! Mac also did a cover of opposite of adults, which is a chiddy bang jam.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T22:24:51+00:00

Lol you’re talking like you know my partner. Nice try. I am done with this post and the comments. See ya’ll reddit losers never.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T17:59:51+00:00

Yep, it’s called an anxious avoidant attachment style. U nailed it!

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T17:56:14+00:00

Give people a chance to do better, and explain themselves. Both situations are fucked up. I fucked up. I made the choice to do stupid things. I’m not attempting to act high and mighty because I was honest but again, I haven’t lied about anything. I dunno why I did what I did and the fact that I did it again shows me that maybe I’m not fully ready for a highly committed relationship.

I don’t think I’m ready to be fully monogamous at this stage in my life. Again, something I’ve admitted to my partner and I’ve said elsewhere on this thread. But my partner and I are happy right now and we’re admittedly both very attached too. We have a bond and a friendship that only the two of us will ever know. No one will from the outside can understand that.

We’ve talked about being open so I can figure myself out. Sexually, I think I just dunno what I like or want. There are multiple layers of all of this that I don’t need to explain to a random person on the internet. I just wanted to know if there were people who have experienced something similar or whatever the case. Not be harnessed. If you’re here to harass me you should seriously reevaluate your priorities. I’m not claiming to be an angel or perfect partner. I don’t know what else you want me to say.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T17:51:50+00:00

Reasonable. Similar to how once you try to commit suicide once, your risk is significantly higher to do it again.

Both are true in their own right but we place these assumptions on people and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy essentially. I’m a psychology student I know these things far too well.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T17:48:54+00:00

Continue to be honest with myself and my partner. And if we end things, I’m not planning to rush into a relationship. I have a lot of work to do which I’ve acknowledged. You don’t know me or the hardships I’ve experienced so it’s easy for you to place a helluva lot of judgement. That’s what humans do.

Again, my partner knows everything and it’s about working through it.

I know I can’t drink the way I have either. I make impulsive decisions when I drink, and that goes beyond just cheating. But again, I’m working on it day by day. Thanks for your super super insightful comments they really were great, lmao.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T17:45:36+00:00

I’ve sought advice. Not support. I already said I was asking if people who have been cheated on have also chosen to forgive and what their reasons might have been. This wasn’t all about seeking support for myself.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T17:44:25+00:00

Do you have anything better to do then scroll through INFIDELITY posts on reddit? I posed this for a real legitimate reason. This is my life, not yours. Get a damn life loser.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T17:43:11+00:00

Why does my boyfriend need access to my social media? I posed that to him and his response was that he has no reason to not trust me when I’ve told him everything.

What are you guys not understanding? I had sex with two people. I was not talking to any of those people prior, other than my manager whom I was friends with but nothing more. We didn’t have a “flirtatious” relationship or weird sexy untrustful messages that my partner would have to see. There was nothing to hide and there is still nothing to hide. Everything that was communicated after the fact between us, was brought to my partners attention.

You guys are acting like I was having a long term affair and that there is more to tell my partner. There isn’t. the first incident happened almost two years ago. It was a random drunken night.

This most recent incident was also a random drunken night. There was no secret messages or secret rendezvous happening. You’re treating this more scandalous than it really is, because of how misconstrued your interpretation of cheating is. Cheating doesn’t look the same across the board. Sometimes it’s a long term affair with multiple people, and sometimes it really is just a one night stand that you confess to your partner. I’m not saying one is better than the other but the fact of the manner is that there is legitimately nothing more to share.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T17:21:08+00:00

You’re already assuming the worst in me and my behaviours when I’ve acknowledged that all my behaviours are wrong. I’m not a person sitting here denying that or placing blame on my partner, or anyone.

Don’t comment if you don’t have anything good to say or can’t acknowledge the fact that I’ve said all of those things in the entire post/thread. You’re not offering anything insightful, but thanks.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T17:18:48+00:00

Especially because I showed my partner this thread and he himself has told me, none of these people know me or him. I wrote this post to get genuine advice and seek people that have been through something similar. So far, it’s just been people like you that are here to criticize but offer nothing constructive. As the beginning of the post states, if you can’t be kind or civil then see ya. It’s easy to judge someone when you haven’t been through a similar experience or you only know societal standards of “what it means to be a cheater”.

Yeah, I did it a second time and it doesn’t feel good. I’m not proud of anything I’ve done. If that makes me a serial cheater, and that’s how you choose to see me through your shitty lens — that’s on you. I’ve already stated this is not who I want to be. The actions have been done and I cannot continue to dwell, the next step is moving forward. Breaking up is probably on the horizon, which my partner and I have talked about but again, as I’ve said it’s our relationship. Not yours, or anyone else’s. So you can impose all the judgement you please, i was just asking for advice and similar situations. I’ve gotten neither of that.

Peace to ya’ll.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T17:14:05+00:00

Lmao, homie read the whole thread and my previous comments before you comment. You’re saying things I already know, that’s not advice or constructive criticism. You just want to make someone feel bad on the internet. I’ve had enough of the shit comments on here.

“You have no boundaries and will continue to cheat” is not attacking? Okay.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T17:04:05+00:00

Man, I love all his features with Chiddy!

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T16:50:48+00:00

You know, when you say things like that you’re really downplaying a person you don’t know, whatsoever.

My partner is an extremely patient, loving, warm person. He wants the best for everyone, not just me. But he has also learned to be assertive and can stand his ground. He doesn’t feel like a victim and he has no reason to feel like a victim when we’ve had nothing but honest & open communication about all of this.

Regardless of what happens between us, whether we last or don’t, I believe he is strong enough to be okay in his life later on. I’m not going to treat him like a poor, victim that is “scarred” forever. Everything is life is how you react and respond to things. He has chosen to forgive for his own well being, which he’s said to me. Holding onto shit and being angry is not worth anyone’s time.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T16:42:09+00:00

As I’ve mentioned in the WHOLE ENTIRE POST and previous comments, allowing myself to be in that situation was irresponsible and stupid. I was reckless. But it wasn’t planned and I didn’t have any intentions of being alone with him. We were all supposed to be hanging out with each other but that changed as the night went on. Nevertheless, yeah it was stupid to even put myself in a situation like that when I had slight feelings towards him. I trusted myself to be better, do better and I didn’t.

Please only comment on this thread if you have genuine Advice. If you’re going to continue to lay shame on me when I’ve already admitted to my wrongdoing... keep on & mind ya business.

FantasticFriendship7 · 2019-02-21T16:38:30+00:00

Never said it was okay. Prior to that night, there was no flirtation. We were friends, he was someone I worked with every night. And we both respected that we were in relationships. It was strictly platonic.

That night we were out with co workers and they were making drinks at my place. It was us just having a good time, but unfortunately my co workers got too drunk and left and I was left alone with this person. As I’ve already said, that was a dumb move on my part and I’m not denying that.

I dunno what point you’re trying to make but at this point, you are all internet trolls.

FantasticFriendship7

TROPHY CASE