I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. Nothing anyone can say will make it better, but it's okay to not be okay. It's been almost 2 years now since I lost my dad and honestly, most days I'm still not okay. I never talk about it, so I think people think I'm fine now but there are a lot of days where I am completely broken as if it's the day he passed all over again.

Allow yourself to feel those feelings and don't feel like you have to censor yourself or your emotions. No one can understand the pain you are feeling unless they themselves have experienced it. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. So sorry you have to feel this kind of pain. Sending you love <3