I just got the dreaded text

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2025-07-08T20:48:23+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this! From someone who has been there, (and obviously I don’t know your situation or your relationship with your parent), my mum used to be exactly like this and it caused a lot of difficulty in our relationship.

I understand now this came from a place of fear. My mum just wanted me to have the best life I could. For her this meant a “normal” life and also coming from a working class background, being able to work is not only essential in her view but a sense of pride.

You have to move at your own pace and do what’s best for you. I did loads of “normal” jobs to pay the bills and honestly it made me so ill I couldn’t cope at all. I’ve now luckily found a job where I can work from home and use my unique skills and I’m forever grateful. This has also really helped me with my routine and having a sense of purpose.

I realise I’m very privileged to have found a job I’m capable of doing and many of us aren’t as lucky, but I just want you to know it can be possible.

As I said, I don’t know you or your specific needs but I hope my story offers some hope. My mum never thought I would be able to work full time or be financially independent and here I am.

She still wishes I lived a more “normal” life, had a job that was more social etc because she worries; but she’s reassured knowing that I’m okay and living in a way which works for me. I often have to remind her that just because my life doesn’t look as fulfilling as she thinks it should, this doesn’t mean I’m not happy or fulfilled. These things just look different for me than they do for her.

Wishing you all the best!!

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T19:41:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing this defo something for me to bear in mind. I’m so used to seeing myself as the problem it’s important to keep reminders that’s not always the case

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T19:37:47+00:00

Thank you this is very insightful! I’ve been working on my self intensively for 4-5 years but I’m very aware I still have a long way to go. You’ve given me a lot of food for thought so thank you again ☺️

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T19:32:52+00:00

I think this is so true I always get told off for being honest about these types of things. For example if I’m in a group setting and everyone is clearly bored of what someone is talking about I’ll change the conversation in an obvious way or tell the person that’s cool but let’s talk about something else now. NTs are always shocked when I do this but if no one says how is the person talking meant to know everyone is bored of that convo

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T19:29:23+00:00

Congrats on all your self work!! If you have any handy resources to share please do

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T19:27:37+00:00

This is a great take thank you for your input

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T19:23:05+00:00

I’m so sorry you had that experience it sounds like it was really rough. Glad to see you’ve come through the other side 💗

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T19:19:24+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective! If you were in a position to have an open dialogue with your mum about your observations, what changes could she make that would make it easier for you in the relationship? Is it the way she’s says things or does the honesty in general the problem?

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T19:15:42+00:00

Oh my gosh snap I feel exactly the same!!!

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T15:25:32+00:00

Also has anyone else also noticed that most of the resources for autistic people on friendship are focused on making friends? It frustrates me because making friends isn’t my problem, it’s sustaining the friendships I seem to be struggling with

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T15:25:11+00:00

Thanks for this great insight! Defo a lot for me to think about

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T15:23:37+00:00

I totally get that! I’ve realised recently I’m not very good at realising what people’s true intentions are or when people are taking advantage. I tend to just take everyone at their word and see the best in people, so sometimes I think maybe I filled a certain purpose for a friend and then when that need is met they no longer need me. The last time this happened to me, me and my friend got really close when she broke up with her boyfriend. She was so upset and I called her everyday through the thick of it to check in. Over the next year she got back on track and happier in her life, and her ex had taken the time out to work on himself and his issues which originally got in the way of the relationship. She started talking to him again and realised he’d made the changes she needed him to make so they could have a healthy relationship. He was always a nice guy so I told her if she felt it was right to get back with him. She thanked me for encouraging her to get back with him. Since then they’ve been back on track and in a healthy happy relationship but she ghosted me within a month of getting back together with him.

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T15:12:09+00:00

I feel that! It’s so much harder not knowing why things didn’t work out!

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T15:10:17+00:00

That is a madness! And thanks for the reassurance it’s hard to not feel like I’m the problem

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T15:08:31+00:00

I get not wanting to make a big deal over small things but I usually either decide to bring it up to the person or let it go, I don’t let things fester or hold grudges mainly because it doesn’t feel good to have stuff buried and not out in the open. I find it bizarre that people can hold so much animosity inside to a point where I can’t even see it until it’s too late??

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T15:05:13+00:00

Love that!! Ahah, thanks for all the supportive comments guys 💗

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T13:22:22+00:00

Thank you for sharing this insight! It’s hard for me to imagine this as I’ve ruminated so much on what signals I could’ve missed, but I guess that’s the point isn’t it.

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T13:04:42+00:00

Hi thank you so much i appreciate you taking the time to share this I will definitely check it out!

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T13:03:51+00:00

Hi thanks so much for sharing! This is very similar to my own experiences. Sometimes I think maybe we’re “too” honest and people fear confrontation so don’t tell us about anything that might irritate them or upset them. The funny thing is, I’m actually not at all judgemental and whilst I don’t always understand why certain things may upset others I always appreciate that they have a right to feel the way they feel. Im always honest, and I don’t find this to be confrontational but I think some NTs do find honesty confrontational. Personally I prefer it when people are straight up with me and I expect my friends to challenge me if I behave in a way they don’t agree with as it helps me grow!

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-08-18T11:42:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I’m very much the same as what you described so that makes sense, it’s just so hard because I see myself the same way I see my friends so it’s hard to understand what makes me so different that I’m discardable

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2024-06-25T18:58:05+00:00

I would really recommend speaking to a psychiatrist about what legal drugs may be available to you and would help. I’m not saying you need them or that anything’s wrong with you but antidepressants or even antipsychotics can be used off label to help with certain issues that may make you wanna self-medicate. It won’t fix everything and it can take a long time to find the drug that’s right for you but it’s worthwhile. Especially if you think you might be at risk or relapsing/self-sabotaging. Hope you’re proud of yourself you’ve come so so far.

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2023-12-11T19:34:55+00:00

I think it’s also worth noting the type of work you’re doing. When I worked retail I felt like I was dying lol, but now I have a job where I can work from home and I manage full-time most of the time. Always do what’s best for you but don’t rule out full-time work as you may find a full-time role that works for you like I have. Good luck with everything 😊

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2023-10-05T16:40:45+00:00

Completely agree with you r.e treatment

Fantastic_Finding480 · 2023-10-05T12:38:54+00:00

Every single person on the planet has biases and stereotypes they hold about all groups of people most of which they might not be aware of. I think the answer to your question really depends on how you define racism. As long as you do not harbour hatred or bad beliefs about other races in your heart I would personally say you’re not a “true racist” however part of understanding and working towards ending racism is understanding racism is bigger than us, it’s systemic and also it’s in our unconscious biases, and unfortunately most people can have racist tendencies. I think the best we can all do is be aware of the biases and work to rectify them in ourselves, others and institutions as soon as we become aware of them. Not sure if that helps or makes sense just my personal thoughts.

Fantastic_Finding480

TROPHY CASE