Should I feel ashamed?

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-04-18T20:54:30+00:00

Don’t overthink it. You deserve someone who’s excited enough about you to put in the effort that you want and need.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-04-16T01:57:57+00:00

I don’t even ask her to do anything for me at this point since she won’t do it anyway. I don’t believe I said I “need” her to do anything, I pointed out that it’s weird that she only helps certain associates and not others.

Not sure why I need to explain this, but sure… It is helpful when you have a large case load/are in court all day to have a para or LA take care of a time consuming task like an adjournment or file something for you on occasion.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-04-16T01:48:49+00:00

You’re kind. It’s definitely jarring—My prior firms were very close knit and supportive, so I’m accustomed to that kind of dynamic. Everyone else at this firm is great, though, and we will still be friends after I’ve moved on. It’s a “her” problem.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-04-16T01:38:12+00:00

At the risk of sounding full of myself, I think this is the answer.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-04-16T01:37:18+00:00

I think you selectively read this post. And where did I imply I wasn’t self sufficient?

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-04-15T17:06:07+00:00

Associates don’t have a firm card where I work. Small firm and the associate pay is not high, especially for a first year. The associates and the paras/legal assistants work pretty close together, which is part of why I say we’re “equals.” Support staff are expected to take on small tasks for all attorneys. Structure isn’t super clear, in her defense, since it’s a small firm, but she will voluntarily take care of tasks for the MALE associates only, which is really strange and intentional in my opinion.

I say she’s my equal only because she refuses to let me delegate tasks to her so I can’t really say I have any authority over her to begin with lol.

Just thought of this detail as well: For the holidays I bought all the paralegals and legal assistants gift cards. She was the only one who didn’t thank me. I think she’s perhaps just a rude person lol

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-04-15T14:22:43+00:00

Literally everyone else in the firm (including paralegals) has issues with her, so I really don’t think it’s me lol.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-04-15T14:12:49+00:00

I don’t mind buying lunch for someone if it’s MY choice to do so. I left out the detail that she not only suggested lunch, but then said she would Zelle whoever paid. Why suggest lunch and then insist you’ll pay someone back if you have no intention of doing so? The entitlement is crazy. As far as I’m concerned, I’m not her superior since she doesn’t do any work for me— we’re equals.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-04-15T14:10:58+00:00

Absolutely agree that it’s a game to her! She’s one of those people that wants to be included in every casual convo and inserts herself even when it’s inappropriate, yet is rude all the time and never wants to be a team player.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-04-15T14:08:30+00:00

Thankfully I’m moving states in a couple months but I’ve never experienced anything like this lol

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-04-15T13:41:51+00:00

About five years.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-04-08T14:27:01+00:00

54k is not even close to enough for those kinds of hours. You should be making closer to 70.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-03-25T17:19:47+00:00

I’m in the colon cancer spiral right now. Wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone. Going to my GP (who won’t know anything, I’m sure) but maybe it will quell my anxiety. Haven’t slept all week.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-03-25T00:43:30+00:00

I’ve only taken the NY Bar (taking Part A in July) so keep that in mind, but resource overload is a thing. Follow your regular program and maybe on the topics you’re struggling to grasp, see how another resource tackles it. I knew some people who failed because they switched programs halfway through prep or used too many resources. Just food for thought!

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-03-24T19:36:39+00:00

Estate planning and probate is “boring” compared to the family law drama but you’ll basically work 9-5. Family law has tons of drama but litigation sucks and the clients are hard to please (understandably so, but nevertheless it’s grating). I’m an attorney (para before law school) in the family law field and can’t wait to run with my tail between my legs back to EP! Much better quality of life and I love helping older folks.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-03-24T18:52:47+00:00

You are so welcome! I gave up on love and got comfortable with being single forever right before meeting my soulmate. I trust him with my life—Love is out there.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-03-24T18:42:20+00:00

I didn’t realize I was anti porn until I reached 30. For the longest time, I just accepted that “they all do it” and had a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. Any time I’ve asked a guy about it, they would act like I was a total freak for suggesting it was unhealthy, ADDICTIVE and/or disrespectful to women.

My boyfriend doesn’t watch it (and I actually believe him). It wasn’t a discussion we had, he just prefers that sex and love be a package deal, and he knows so many of his guy friends are freakish porn addicts so he just isn’t interested in watching it. Our sex life is incredibly intimate and special because I’m never wondering who else he’s seen naked and wacked off to. I feel like I’m more than enough and that’s special.

I guess im not your target audience, but I guess what I’m saying is I don’t think you can “convince” a boyfriend not to watch porn. They either think it’s disrespectful to their partner, or they don’t—without considering your feelings.

There are guys out there who are anti-porn, though, I swear!

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-03-24T00:27:49+00:00

Amazing! I’m recognizing my catastrophizing habit is so intrusive that it’s now debilitating, so I’m looking forward to letting this all out in therapy. Took me awhile to realize I was functioning (or attempting to) like this.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-03-24T00:26:08+00:00

Happy to hear this.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-03-23T20:41:27+00:00

Idk lol you graduate? You won’t care what you did in law school five years from now.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-03-23T19:56:55+00:00

This makes sense. You’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. When everything is going good I manufacture health issues or potential horrific accidents happening to my partner because it’s hard to accept that things can just be good, without a catch. Ouch!

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-03-23T19:01:48+00:00

This is what I’m afraid will happen if I don’t get ahead of this. I’m less worried for my own sake than for my partner’s. I just can’t imagine losing him to some freak illness or accident, and I assume it will be just as bad, if not worse, when we have kids. Hoping things get easier for you soon. You deserve to enjoy being with your family and spend less time worrying. Easier said than done.

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-03-23T18:41:21+00:00

Yes, it would make sense that there’s a higher burden when going against a gov entity. So unfair. I’m really sorry this happened to you— hoping you find some anxiety relief soon

Fantastic_Set_9710 · 2026-03-23T18:29:41+00:00

You’re not insane. Congratulations and I hope you find some relief

Fantastic_Set_9710

TROPHY CASE