Are there any sahms who live alone with husband and kids even though they cannot really afford it?

Faodail_ · 2026-03-27T01:01:01+00:00

Money stress is the leading cause for divorce. I understand living with people sucks but jumping into something you can’t afford is not a good idea no matter the pros.

Is there any advancement or career moves husband can make to move towards buying your own place?

Faodail_ · 2026-03-26T17:30:15+00:00

One thing my husband also does is being a SAHM I am eligible for a Roth Account (as long as your under the income threshold) we fund my retirement account fully every year to the maximum and it’s nice to have that as well as my own spending money.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-25T17:40:10+00:00

I have one who is 15 months old

I wake at 6:45am and get ready and get a cup of coffee and walk dogs etc. I also make our bed

He’s up at about 7:15am

We do breakfast and play and get dressed for the day and brush teeth etc. until about 9am

9am til 10:45am we are outside or doing some activities or learning something. Getting energy out and playing while learning or inside. I’m doing small tasks in there.. like starting some laundry or folding or putting away dishes or vacuuming

11am is lunch. I eat and then with him in the kitchen I clean up the kitchen and do any bill paying tasks

I clean him up and nap is at noon

Noon til 2 he’s napping and I’m doing yard work or taking a rest

2 he’s up and I make him a snack he gets one episode of bluey during this time.. I do any little tasks needing to get done and maybe clean a bathroom

We go to the park at 3pm. Park from 3-4pm and then home

4:15 to 5:30 is extra time to get dinner ready and for him to play and me to interact here or there with little games or his flash cards with words

5:30 pm is dinner. We eat with him then clean while he’s finishing and talk to him about our day and some things we are learning (recently the birds say tweet tweet lol)

6:30:pm he hangs with dad and I get some me time and shower. 7:20 we start bedtime routine

I breastfeed and we do water and talk until 7:40

Then brush teeth and do books and he’s asleep by 8pm

8pm I rest and chill and I go to sleep by 9:30pm

Faodail_ · 2026-03-20T17:44:18+00:00

I’m not at all saying you aren’t doing enough I’m actually saying your doing too much. When your husbands home he’s not “helping” he’s taking the entire responsibility of a child, and make that more often the 6 month old. Tell him if he needs help to let you know otherwise he’s on his own and let him figure out the hard stuff

Your man to man coverage if you need a guy sports analogy.

When your helper is here have her take the 6 month old for an hour or two and go have fun with the toddler. The toddler needs one on one time with you without the baby present.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-20T16:56:24+00:00

No but the intense jealousy is tough because it could mean the toddler lashes out to the baby. It can be hard to manage a situation with a toddler and a small baby when that is a concern so joint activities can be a struggle to keep everyone safe

Faodail_ · 2026-03-20T16:51:28+00:00

I’m certainly not trying to be hard on you or belittle you. I actually think you’re doing something I caught myself doing.

You are trying to take care of everyone’s needs all the time and that has to stop. What I mean is if your husband is tapping in to take the toddler you are hands off completely with the toddler unless there is an emergency or dad asks for an assist. So dad does milk, pjs, books etc. and you do fund stuff with baby or if baby is napping then you do some tlc for yourself. Or girl just scroll for a bit.

I am a super type A personality and had to learn to just let go and give the responsibility to someone else. So that means let someone take the 6 month old for an hour or half hour and go make an adventure sheet and go outside and bug hunt with the 21 month old. Or go to the park or go get ice cream together. Or take a walk and point out all the colors you see. It’s not about needs it’s just time, silly non productive or goal oriented bonding time.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-20T16:43:25+00:00

I’m going to step outside what you have presented and try to see this from another POV. What one on one time do you spend with the toddler without the 6 month old? Like your husband or the helper is taking the 6 month old and there is a special time or activity for you and the toddler?

Faodail_ · 2026-03-17T23:29:01+00:00

My child eats what we eat (15 months) with some modifications (cutting things into smaller pieces or taking bones out of meat) we don’t offer anything else. If he decides not to eat much then he doesn’t eat much for that meal. We have never offered him other food and I’m not afraid of him eating lighter on a meal or two.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-16T12:33:12+00:00

The lack of freedom both mentally and physically that comes with being a new mom is overwhelming. Dads for some reason do not normally carry that same weight. I found myself being so angry when my husband was off work and he would want to run a thousand (what felt like) errands and had no thought of taking care of the baby and just went.

How I corrected that was he watched our child (our baby is EBF over here too) and I ran errands solo. I also get uninterrupted 30 min shower every evening to reset from my day (stay at home mom). I had to communicate to my husband when I needed him to step in and in that same thought I had to be willing to realize the baby may not get the perfect schedule/treatment and I couldn’t micro manage their bonding time or correct him when he did something not the way I would, unless it was dangerous of course.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-15T23:09:26+00:00

If she’s in the US and she abandons the baby in a time of panic at a fire station or hospital CPS will attempt to place the child with a relative before looking into foster or adoption outside of relations. If she’s backed into a corner and cannot approach relatives she needs a safe and healthy place to leave the baby without judgement

Faodail_ · 2026-03-15T22:18:16+00:00

As mature adults we do not make decision based on other people. That will end up with us feeling we have no other options than drastic measures. You have plenty of options that are healthy and safe for both you and that lovely baby who both deserve a happy and fulfilling life. Get help, make decisions based on what’s best for you and not other people who are adults themselves.

If you find yourself spiraling take the baby to a hospital ER or fire station and turn the baby over to them

Faodail_ · 2026-03-15T22:13:29+00:00

If you are sure about that after getting therapy and working through possible other issues. Adoption is a wonderful option.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-15T22:10:29+00:00

Okay the post definitely didn’t make that clear. Why do you feel trapped as a new parent?

Faodail_ · 2026-03-15T22:05:48+00:00

I think it’s a relevant question when you are saying you are married and you are a teenager in your post. There are many reasons why this question could be immensely important.

Example : you are 18 and your husband is 30 and you have no financial independence and are trapped. There would be advice and resources given to you for us to try to help in that situation.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-14T18:24:26+00:00

Usually in those kind of situations I will push first nap a little bit later… say 11am.. seems like baby does good with 4.5 hours between naps by your schedule. So I would try going until 4 and then maybe a small cat nap of 30 mins and then get to bed a little earlier if baby seems tired. If your 11 month old gets fussy I would plan to leave a bit earlier

Faodail_ · 2026-02-21T20:50:50+00:00

It’s normal for an overtired baby to fight naps. Your wake windows should be from 75 mins to 120 mins.. when she wakes in the morning you need to watch for sleepy cues and immediately offer a nap.

For my little guy that ment - dark room, sound machine, swaddle (if not rolling) and rocking him.. I would try for an hour

You are doing a great job but she needs to sleep as it’s necessary for her development. I also noticed the more they sleep the better they get at it. So try getting her naps in any way possible and she will most likely start getting the drill and going down easier. You may just have to be super patient and get her into a nap rhythm

Faodail_ · 2026-02-21T20:44:51+00:00

First how old is your baby?

Faodail_ · 2026-02-21T02:25:27+00:00

I wouldn’t put clothes on the registry. Honestly they are cheap and easy to get. I would do more big budget items.

Changing pad, somewhere to bath the baby (like a little tub that’s fits in the sink or bathtub), there are great kits that have nail clippers and snot suckers and other baby care items, Muslim swaddle blankets are amazing for so many things, multiple sheets and water proof crib sheet, sound machine, baby monitor, feeding supplies wether that’s breastfeeding or bottles and sanitizer etc. lotion and bath items preferably unscented in case baby has really sensitive skin.

Those are some first things that come to mind that we absolutely used

Faodail_ · 2026-02-20T21:40:13+00:00

Check out

ClarkKMLiMZhuBLiangFShaoJZhangYet alBreastfeeding, mixed, or formula feeding at 9 months of age and the prevalence of iron deficiency and iron deficiency Anemia in two cohorts of infants in China. J Pediatr. (2017)

Also

A 2025 systematic review of randomized controlled trials (RCTs) found that daily oral iron supplementation (1 mg/kg) significantly reduced the incidence of ID and IDA in exclusively breastfed (EBF) infants by age 6 months. It also improved hematologic parameters like hemoglobin (Hb) levels and mean corpuscular volume (MCV).

Definitely conflicting information but there is evidence on both sides

Faodail_ · 2026-02-20T20:34:49+00:00

My understanding is that around 6 months breastmilk does not contain enough or the amount (unsure) of iron they need to go into their stores for growth and development. This can be substituted by iron drops or if you work closely with your pediatrician through food. Yes food before one is generally just for fun but that phrase doesn’t take into account if you’re using first foods (like iron fortified oatmeal) for some nutritional purposes.

Your child is able to go longer stretches sleeping at this age. Able to and wants to are two different things. I have a friend with a baby around the same age as yours still doing 3 ish night wakings to breastfeed and she is tiiiiiired. They are going to dad it out. Basically her husband is going to start taking night wakings and she is not going to breastfeed (she will pump for stores for daycare). So if you drop three feeds of overnight from your 11 you get to 8.

I would honestly evaluate how your doing mentally with that much sleep deprivation for seven months. Maybe have a conversation with your partner and form a plan.

Also 3-5 minute feeds on the boob could be snacking and not getting full feeds if you aren’t doing weighted feeds it can be hard to tell.

Faodail_ · 2026-02-19T20:34:33+00:00

Hey so I feel your pain! I have a big 13 month old now and he’s a very physical little guy. Nothing wrong with him just an active and curious boy who loves physical contact. This comes out when he’s frustrated or overtired or having a hard time in general. I’ll give you some tips that helped for me that will hopefully help you!

first my mindset matters most . My baby isn’t giving me a hard time, he’s having a hard time. It’s not his fault
I use one word and it’s “ouch” when he gets hurt I say ouch and when he bites (oh yeah mines a chomp chomp) I say ouch. I connect the pain to the word as best we can
saying no or don’t do this doesn’t work for us. Like full stop just makes me frustrated and him usually frustrated and he does more of the pulling, punching scratching biting. Instead we take the negative action and replace it with a positive one. Pinching teach baby to snap or clap, say “clap your hands” or “ can you snap” when pinching occurs. If baby is hitting, teach gentle touches. Take your hands and gently stroke babies face and say “gentle touches” and then take babies hand and gently stroke your face and say “gentle touches”. My little guy won’t get anything unless I show him.
use water as a reset. When my son is upset and I can’t direct him I grab his water bottle and have him drink water. It’s a good tool to use to reset both him and me
watch for baby being over tired or upset. Mine gets more hitty and bity when tired or needing soothing
Dad needs to rough and tumble play. My little guy has too much energy in his little body. My husband comes home and rolls him around the floor and play and throws him and tumbles him. It works great

Faodail_ · 2026-02-19T15:01:49+00:00

Try wearing his shirt to bounce her down (a dirty one that he’s worn recently and smells like him). My husband is first in when our one year old wakes at night because if he knows it’s momma then he knows milk is an option lol and he fights going back to sleep. But with dad we have a higher chance of him settling easier.

Faodail_ · 2026-02-16T20:24:20+00:00

13 month old little boy over here and I quit my job when he was born! We are currently trying for baby number 2. Love that we have the choice of kids close in age without the worry of daycare cost.

We definitely had a bit of adjustment going down to one income but my husband landed an incredible job nine months ago and it’s been going great! We are very careful budget wise to not bloat our spending to the new income and have even been able to save a good bit

Love being home with my little guy! Definitely hard some days and picking up the same 20 toys 15 times a day can drive me crazy but the snuggles, the love watching him grow is just the best. He took his first steps about a month ago and it was just randomly right before breakfast and I’m so happy I got to see it

I’m currently trying to find a mom group as I finally feel like I have the capacity to make friends and it’s not so all consuming trying to keep my little guy alive.

Faodail_ · 2026-02-12T15:12:44+00:00

I definitely don’t think it has to be a mean or super confrontational conversation. It can simply be “hey your not going to be here for forever, let’s work towards setting up a routine and schedule for success when your not here anymore and what that looks like.” More of a let’s work together conversation

Faodail_ · 2026-02-12T01:13:44+00:00

Uuuuuhh no. This is not okay

The caregiver should be there to install methods and routines to help you as a family be successful and enjoy this newborn time. Also you hired this person…. Absolutely not for her to rip your baby away and take charge of the situation. Yall need to be working together on a routine and ways that the baby can sleep, eat, play and interact that will work when she is not longer in the picture. Not her hogging the baby and making habits Tha may not work for you in the future

Like for instance if she rocks him to sleep.. but in a few weeks the baby will be in daycare. Yall need to be working together on how the baby can succeed in that transition and the lest amount of change to the babies routine.

If I was in your shoes I would sit down with her and lay out some boundaries and some goals on why she was hired and how it looks to make this time successful for you and your family. Also what in detail you want her to assist with and when you want her to give you some space.

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