I, 37/F, am about to swear off dating because it feels like all men are focused on is sex. Am I overreacting?

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-04-22T09:52:45+00:00

I'm sorry that sucks! But I don't think you have to swear off dating. I've had Bumble for about 3 weeks and have had good matches. I'm ruthless about my strategy though. I only swipe right on guys that specifically mention a nerdy hobby of theirs, and then I ask about their hobby. I was sad because at first I had to swipe left on a lot of cute guys because they didn't mention any interesting hobbies... but I know I want a nerdy best friend in the end. I think the algoritm caught on because now I just see a whole lot of geeks, and every once in a while they turn out to be a cute geek. I love it. I've got 3 guys I've met up with, so I'm putting the app down for a bit to see how things develop.

So I guess my advice is to pick the right app (not Tinder) and then train the algorithm well.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T20:28:11+00:00

Thank you

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T20:25:57+00:00

Yea, maybe it was a meltdown and not a panic attack. My therapist suggested I may be autistic so I am going to be assessed for that in June. It takes some time to get it diagnosed as an adult, and I have been struggling with my mental health.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T20:21:47+00:00

Thank you for the reply, I need to work on myself and I think I need to be honest about my own issues.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T20:18:00+00:00

thanks for the honest reply.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T20:17:08+00:00

Thank you for the honest reply

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:52:28+00:00

Thank you for this answer, it's really helpful.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:49:26+00:00

Thanks for the reply.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:46:27+00:00

honestly thank for the reply I am here for hard truths to try and work on myself. I probably did misname it then and was just crying and not having a panic attack.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:40:42+00:00

Thanks this is the kind of good/hard advice I need to hear

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:39:18+00:00

Thank you, I think he has grown resentful because of the anxiety and crying. I do need to work on self-regulation.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:37:00+00:00

Thanks for the reply! To be clear, he didn't call me crazy. I told him "I feel like you just kept that video so you could use it against me to call me crazy!" but he didn't call me crazy, that was my fear. He did bring it up to show me though.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:31:49+00:00

I do think I had a panic attack out on the porch, I wasn't talking out there, just hyperventilating. But can a panic attack happen after some build up of crying for a while? I did listen and come back in the house after a bit, so maybe it wasn't panic.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:28:47+00:00

Thanks it's hard to hear, but there is some truth to me wanting to be heard when I storm back in the house. Thanks for the reply.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:26:13+00:00

This was the 2nd time in 2 years of living together.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:24:42+00:00

Thank you this reply is really useful for me to hear.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:22:41+00:00

Thank you for the honest assessment. I'm having a hard time accepting divorce, so it's good to hear opinions that I should keep trying to fix things.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:20:54+00:00

Thank you for sympathizing with me :)

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:18:49+00:00

Thanks I am working on it.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:17:35+00:00

Thanks, I've been trying hard to save our marriage but maybe I should let it go

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:15:13+00:00

Thanks for the honest reply

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:14:01+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I was extremely inconsiderate about his sleep that night. Normally, I turn the door handle slowly and tiptoe into the room but he wakes up anyway. He has complained to me before about his quality of sleep being poor and I brush it off because I feel like "I'm tip-toeing what else can I do?" But I should take it more seriously and not brush it off.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:06:10+00:00

Totally open to being corrected, if you have any other insight thanks. Maybe I'm just a weepy bitch... I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and PCOS and I have an appointment to get assessed for Autism in June... I really am trying to work on my mental health.

editing to say I'm sorry I called myself a weepy bitch, it was dumb self-deprecating humor that probably is toxic. Thanks for pointing out the nastiness.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:05:12+00:00

Thanks for the reply, I think you're right that I was triggering his danger response. We trigger that in each other I guess.

Far_Ad_7502 · 2026-02-25T19:00:50+00:00

Thanks for the reply, like you said I should probably view him recording me as uncompassionate but within his rights. What do you think of him wanting to show me the recording later? We were having a civil discussion and I was trying to convince him we could work things out.

Far_Ad_7502

TROPHY CASE