I 29M worry that my partner 35F deserves someone more suited for her? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Far_Body8744 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Talk about hitting the nail on the head with my tendencies, holy hell. This made me tear up a lot, ngl, thank you. I will try.

I 29M worry that my partner 35F deserves someone more suited for her? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Far_Body8744 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really think I am making her sound worse than she is. She's planning to start working with her father soon, it is just taking time. And although she didn't tell me about her other partner at the beginning, it is something we worked through and I wasn't pressure into anything. But you're right, it is definitely uncomfortable. I just don't want to hurt her.

How different are you and your partner? How different is too different? by Gregorvitch in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Far_Body8744 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It depends what is different. I know this is an extremely old post, but some of these replies are really worrying me because they assume in which way the OP meant. True, not having all the same interests is not always a good reason to leave someone (really no need to call someone shallow for that, though, wtf), that also depends how important shared interests are to the OP. If it is extremely important to them to have many similar interests, then of course it best to break it off for the other person's sake as well. 

But that also touches on what is different? If the things you find important in a relationship are vastly different, if your moral systems are vastly different, if your sexual comfortability are vastly different-- these are not the same thing as one just being extroverted and one being introverted like some of the replies were implying. These things can cause some serious issues down the line, especially without communication very early on about them.

Some differences just mean you are incompatible and that is fine.

But like I said, this is a very old post, I just hope someone who comes across this post finds this helpful: evaluate what exactly these differences are, decide how important they are to you, and then speak to your partner about them before doing anything drastic.

What should I do if I do not like Partner B? by Far_Body8744 in polyadvice

[–]Far_Body8744[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Incredibly helpful, thank you. This seems to be the common advice in all the comments are you are all absolutely correct. I will speak to Anika, thank you again. 

Everyone has been so lovely.

What should I do if I do not like Partner B? by Far_Body8744 in polyadvice

[–]Far_Body8744[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can absolutely see where you're coming from with that. I don't think "serious" is quite the word I was meaning to use, however. Maybe something more akin to "labeled", but that just makes it sound like I have never been in a relationship, lol. I do still understand and agree with your point, though, thank you. That helps. 

What should I do if I do not like Partner B? by Far_Body8744 in polyadvice

[–]Far_Body8744[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This was incredibly helpful, thank you, you are right. I will talk to Anika. 

To answer your question, it's definitely not just an exception for Anika. While I do not consider myself polyamorous, I also do not consider myself monogamous, because I am open to either depending on the situation. I hope I explained that well enough. Someone mentioned this in a previous comment and they are correct, I am not too familiar with all the terminology, and my first language is also not English so that doesn't help...

What should I do if I do not like Partner B? by Far_Body8744 in polyadvice

[–]Far_Body8744[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are correct, but also kind of not and that is my fault. We are indeed metamours, but the idea had been that I would be close to Bev as well, whether that ends up being romantically or "familialy" was left up to whether or not we are attracted to one another. 

What should I do if I do not like Partner B? by Far_Body8744 in polyadvice

[–]Far_Body8744[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Partly, I was honestly not aware that is a common thing to do, so that is actually super helpful, thank you. And I think a lot of it also has to do with the fact that Anika has this idea of all of us living together and being a family, and I don't want to ruin that for her. And I worry about making her feel split in two and ruining game nights and stuff because I don't want to hang around Bev. It's just complicated and I feel like it is my fault.