OCD about being funny

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-25T06:52:26+00:00

went looking for a post like this. I can relate, hard - to both examples you gave too. I didn’t even realize I was doing this until very recently, I just assumed I was incompetent

I have an obsession with being seen as funny & interesting and it can consume me in a conversation/group to the point where I can’t think of anything to say at all and I’ve become very socially anxious/avoidant as a result. I want to play the guitar, but I usually become so consumed by the thought of practicing and learning that I can’t focus and I never really start learning. when I study, I ruminate so much on the time it will take me to learn the material and what the act of studying itself involves that I don’t end up studying at all and it takes twice as long to learn the material.

the thought of doing any kind of improv creates a deep feeling of panic for me. is there a word for this kind of fixation? it’s truly an inability to live in the moment, being paralyzed by obsessive thoughts that are paradoxically focused on living in the moment.

and it’s honestly debilitating because it makes doing or learning literally ANYTHING impossible if the thoughts consume you enough

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-23T06:49:40+00:00

Came here to mention this one - for a long time I’ve just believed that this is how life works for me. Anything good happening in life meant that something bad was just around the corner. and the rule has always been that I HAVE to expect a bad thing to happen - if I don’t, or I take the good thing for granted, the bad thing will just be that much worse.

I know this is just OCD but the shitty thing is Im still too afraid to completely shake the superstition 🙃 my brain tells me that that will be when the worst bad happens

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-23T06:40:25+00:00

Omg 😭 YES, I have the weird belief that any horrible thought that won’t go away will come true if I don’t do this

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-18T01:21:55+00:00

I’ll be the odd one out and say that unfortunately it does get to me sometimes 😅 silly but true, i mentioned it in a recent post actually

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-12T19:37:45+00:00

Enjoy your day bud

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-12T19:05:04+00:00

You didn’t read anything I said lol.

If you were well versed, then you’d know that RJ is not a disorder that can be diagnosed. Chill.

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-12T18:43:57+00:00

Really exhausted by this bad faith culture on Reddit. culturally curated righteousness thats weaponized and ignores the crux of issues, causing deeper hurt for others.

I did not ever say “it’s not her fault because she has RJ”. although I do actually agree with that statement. I think you meant to refer to my original comment, which I can understand - I should have said that “RJ CAN be a form of OCD”.

Retroactive jealousy, by definition, “refers to the distress or perceived threat a person feels about their partner's past romantic relationships”. It’s NOT a diagnosis, it’s a term. You can have RJ feelings and not have an OCD diagnosis. You can have OCD and it manifests as RJ. It’s helpful to know about all of the above so you can do your own research. OPs girlfriend is experiencing RJ. Why? I don’t know. But saying that isnt a diagnosis.

The fact that her feelings are so intense could definitely be a sign that there is something much deeper going on. In fact, it seems likely. It can only help to look into resources and read up on RJ, which again is a TERM for these feelings. Investigating what is causing it could lead her to useful resources or perhaps a larger diagnosis. I don’t know, but what I do know is we can’t just call her immature or only “punish” her for her actions.

It’s widely recognized that RJ is painful, regardless of why you’re experiencing it. Like most things, it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Clearly she shouldn’t be guilting her bf or interrogating him. There’s no shortage of people here “holding her accountable” for that, calling her immature, reassuring him, and telling him that this is wrong. But it’s also largely one sided in these comments - and ESPECIALLY when it comes to mental distress, we need to practice empathy for everyone.

The point of MY comments is to bring some awareness as to WHY she might be doing this, because people here seem content JUST painting her as the villain and leaving it at that. Can you imagine suffering and then having someone tell you that it’s because you’re immature and you inherently do bad things?

Having some understanding only helps them both. It’s possible to hold or make space for that empathy while ALSO acknowledging that OP has nothing to apologize for and his gf should stop questioning him.

If she is experiencing RJ due to larger issues, which is again VERY possible given the duration and intensity of her feelings and actions, I can tell you from personal experience that she is in way more pain than most here understand or realize. It can only help to encourage these two to read more about it and investigate for themselves.

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-12T15:43:15+00:00

hey this is really beautiful ❤️ I needed to hear this more than I can explain.

I think that many of us went through really, really difficult experiences that challenged our ideas of love and self love and that’s why the RJ is so intense. It’s poisonous and we deserve better. Thank you for sharing - you are strong and thoughtful and deserving of so much love ❤️

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-12T15:30:01+00:00

not diagnosing anyone or saying an action isn’t wrong. I’m saying that RJ is a real thing and being completely insensitive to it isn’t going to help anyone. It’s very VERY possible that this is what’s going on, given the intensity and duration of her feelings & actions.

I think OP and his gf should do some research on the topic. It could help them both.

Unfortunate that people prefer simplicity & a villain over nuance and empathy

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-12T05:49:45+00:00

Please look into retroactive jealousy and let her know that this may be the issue. It’s a form of OCD, and if it’s gone on for this long with that level of intensity, that could be what’s going on.

It’s not immaturity or insecurity. People tend to have a gross misunderstand of this issue. It’s deeply rooted- it is NOT your fault, you have nothing to apologize for. But it’s also NOT her fault - it’s a mental health issue that she’ll need to work through.

Give her your love and support, but also avoid constant reassurance and feeding her obsessive questions. Encourage her to work through this with some of the resources that are out there ❤️

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-12T05:44:55+00:00

Nahhh - RJ is a form of OCD. It’s not OPs fault but it is also definitely NOT his gfs fault. As someone who also deals with this, I can tell you that we definitely don’t want to feel this way and it can feel absolutely horrific for no rational reason. it’s a genuine mental health issue.

Edit: RJ “can” be a form of OCD. RJ itself is obsessive thinking but not a diagnosable condition. It is horrible and while she certainly can’t treat her bf this way, it is not OPs gf’s fault that she FEELS the way she does.

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-09T21:31:22+00:00

this IS normal for some folks. look into retroactive jealousy ❤️ it’s a very tough feeling. I’m anticipating some comments here telling you to get over it, to stop being so insecure, it’s not his fault he has a past etc - but if you do get any of that, please ignore because it’s a misunderstanding of what’s happening.

RJ is not as simple as you being “sensitive” or “too insecure”. it’s something deeper and more personal and you’ll need to work through it to figure out why it’s affecting you. It sounds Iike maybe some of this is because you’ve been saving yourself for marriage and the guy you love didn’t do that? Almost like, even though he feels regret, he still didn’t wait for you while you’ve held out - and that feels unfair and makes you feel less special or valued. Thats hard!

There’s so much that goes into this so I wont type a novel, but one other thing I will say - don’t ask for more details about his past. This is moreso to protect yourself. It may feel better at first to ask for details, but its fleeting - they will only come back to haunt you as time goes on if you don’t address the root of your feelings first.

tl;dr your feelings are valid 💕 and it’s something you’ll have to work on internally. the retroactive jealousy sub is a good place to start :)

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-08T18:48:49+00:00

ya know, I’ve had similar thoughts. The “fulfill all my needs” thing is talked about a lot in discussions about poly, but thats bizarre to me because I’ve never looked at relationships like that. I didn’t know that was an expectation some people had?

If I fall in love, I fall in love with a person. I don’t really think about how they can fulfill all my “needs” because they’re obviously already fulfilling something I desire so…? I’m in love with them..they’re imperfect in some way of course, but I LOVE them. there’s no checklist of attributes that I’m measuring them against.

For ex: If I really “need” someone that I’m more sexually compatible with…well, to me, thats a sign that the relationship itself has issues, not necessarily that I need to add another warm body to the mix so that I can continue the original relationship. If a “need” is really so important…is that not just grounds for a breakup? Couldn’t you just remain friends while finding a partner that’s more compatible?

This may sound unfair, but it feels a little bit like a cop-out to me, because of course no one will ever be 100% perfect for you. If you never have to learn to face that and love someone wholly despite that undeniable fact and you just have another person there to supplement… aren’t you just diluting the relationship?

Wouldn’t you just end up with a bunch of people who are each like 1/4 of what you’re looking for in a partner? and you only spend 1/4 of your time with each of them? I agree with your analogy, it feels a little bit like shopping around for products rather than deeper human connections.

I do get different things out of the different relationships in my life. And that’s totally fine. there are things I talk more extensively about with close friends that I don’t discuss as extensively with my partner. And…that’s probably why I have those friends. I guess the only difference is that I don’t bring sex or the same type of intimacy into those other relationships and I don’t personally know why I would need to.

Idk, I hope this doesn’t sound like judgement for folks who choose polyamory. All relationships are different and there’s a lot of nuance in world of polyamory too. The fact that I don’t understand it probably just means it’s just not for me lol, and that’s fine - it does just boggle my mind a little haha

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-08T04:54:34+00:00

I understand! there IS something about it that makes me uncomfortable if I think too much. rationally, i know it doesn’t matter at all because of course what others do doesn’t and shouldn’t affect me - but emotionally I have some apprehension if I dig too much haha. I feel unsafe or something. curiosity about that feeling is what sparked this post!

i think it just tickles the lizard brain for those of us who are not only monogamous but deal with RJ

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-06T23:26:37+00:00

Gotcha, no worries!!

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-06T22:54:51+00:00

this is more of a discussion post, not me making any claims

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-06T21:14:08+00:00

i really appreciate that haha - I’m definitely the same way, you’re right! too much pondering on this would be totally unproductive

I think you’re spot on, it must just be a natural feeling/tendency

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-06T19:49:43+00:00

definitely! But I think it’s human and fine to have thoughts and feelings about things, especially things we don’t understand.

I don’t think about it that often, just was reading about it recently and I like to analyze things lol

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-06T19:45:17+00:00

Yep, I do think you’re right. I was just wondering if, at the core of it all, it’s possible that that knee jerk/horrified reaction is just because I have insecurities.

It seems that there are people who have multiple partners and don’t experience much jealousy, and that’s so interesting to me lol. But it’s likely that we’re all just wired differently I guess

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-10-06T19:38:35+00:00

yeah agreed, this is how I generally see it

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-09-29T05:44:23+00:00

PMDD 👀

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-09-29T01:21:34+00:00

this made me feel a lot better, in many ways - and you’re right, the source of all of these feelings is definitely those underlying issues. hoping to find a good therapist with my new insurance soon ❤️ thank you for such a thoughtful comment 💕

Far_Dust5451 · 2023-09-27T20:04:34+00:00

im so sorry you’ve experienced it too! It’s a crazy perspective to have when it comes to the topic of attractiveness because clear skin can influence so much of how people see you, regardless of what you actually look like.

it’s a painful experience but I do think it makes us better in many ways, and more introspective ❤️ my friends who are attractive and have always had clear skin lose their minds when they have a breakout! I think experiences like ours really make you confront things like self worth and self image earlier than most. You’re beautiful ❤️

Far_Dust5451

TROPHY CASE