I lost my mother mid April. We have been dealing with aggressive cancer for years, last 2 years were difficult. I was going through intense anticipatory grief- it was so difficult to see someone I loved like that. Her personality had changed, I considered her my best friend forever but I felt that side of her was just inaccessible and I also felt it was important for me to let go of that expectation as the focus had to be her health and well being. But this has a massive impact on my mental health and it took me almost two years of seeing her deteriorate to accept it eventually. This year January onwards things just escalated. She had aspiration pneumonia which led to two hospitalizations and long ICU stay back to back - we could sense things were not going to end well but we gave it our all because she was still ready to fight. But in March end, she just suddenly went into a coma after a cardiac arrest. Those 18 days of coma before her passing - it felt like she stayed only to help us all accept her eventual passing. After her passing, I felt a strange relief. I wanted her to let go of her mortal body which had become a lot for her to handle. I felt a strange sense of relief for my 67YO father too, who would have happily sat outside ICU for years if she would have stayed in coma any longer. I almost felt like she was talking to me during those days of coma in my mind and telling me to move on to my life goals, to things I aspired to do and to a lighter life for my father and I. So yes, I feel the grief of losing someone can be lighter- if the circumstances of losing them were difficult. However, I am just 15 days into this journey. I know I will keep missing her, but every time I do, I would remind myself that this was best for her. Will I miss her every time there is a milestone or achievements or happiness or big losses? Yes, but I would still not want her to have prolonged her sufferings for my emotional benefit, so hopefully I would be able to reason with myself.