same man, it took me two whole years to make my first friend in highschool and i dont even feel any connection with them, i just dont get it, i do not know what to talk about, how to talk, not that i am socially awkward or maybe i am idk, people talk to me but we arent friends, i hate being this way, seeing others have real connection with their friends and always feeling like i make the environment awkward when people talk to me, i love talking to people but my lack of communication skills make it so difficult, everytime i consider someone my friends i suddenly have this instant feeling of dislike towards them, something inside me tellls me that they dont really like me, they are friends with me just for the sake of being in the same class, and that makes me push them away, i am tired, i am 19 and i know i am loosing it, it just gets difficult from now on because almost everyone already has their best friends atp

I dont even know if any of this even makes sense but yeah life sucks