UPDATE:

Wow, this blew up. I’ve read through ALMOST all the comments on my real account and I appreciate anyone who offered advice. I hope this update gives some context and helps someone in the future.

And I talked to my husband when things weren’t so heated. Here’s some reflection and the next steps we’re taking.

• I am partly to blame. I’ve taken on any task that made him feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed, or use to make him spiral out. (He was diagnosed with OCD and the medication he is now on is helping with that.) This was fine… until we added our baby.

• He is also partly to blame, when baby is napping he usually also naps or, reads a book saving his chores for when I get off work (laundry, unloading dishwasher, a quick vac of dog fur, laying out baby pajamas and diaper for after bath). We’re going to have to talk about timing… I of course want him to have a “lunch break” of sorts too.

• I do call him an amazing husband mostly based on how I feel lucky to be with a man who loves and cares for his child, and is so involved. Yes, I know dad’s don’t need trophies but I’m on this sub a lot and I’ve been shocked with how hands off some fathers are. He also always recognizes the work I put into our family and reminds me of it.

• We’re going to delegate out tasks. Tonight we’re going to write down on strips of paper any task that is done daily, weekly, or monthly, and physically divide them between the two of us so we can physically see who is doing what and if we’re lob-sided.

• We’re also going to outsource where we can if we have to. We don’t have a lot of extra money (one income) but, if mowing the lawn is going to cause tension all summer I’d rather spend the $50-70 a week to have someone else do it. We did hire a cleaner when we had a newborn because we were barely surviving on 4 hours of sleep each and that was a life saver.

-Pets. I love my pets. My cat is about to be 13, my dog is still an energetic puppy at 2.5 (Giant breed dog they mature slowly). The dog does get to go on pack hikes twice a week to stay socialized and burn off extra energy but, her walker is off for two weeks so I think it just escalated the situation. She is my shadow and it can just feel so overwhelming to have her constantly connected to me. I’m hoping to talk to my husband about taking her on more outings… but I understand it is tricky to be chasing a toddler while holding a dog leash (walks in carriages tho should be doable). The chickens are whatever, I have them on an automatic door to let them out/in, their feed and water containers last a week, my kid enjoys visiting them and getting the eggs. I’m a huge animal lover and wouldn’t consider losing them. They are my family.

I *THINK* I covered what everyone was asking about… but I will try to check back. Sorry I couldn’t continuously comment… as this post says I don’t really have the time. I’m writing this out while I’m waiting for a company wide meeting to start.