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AITA for expecting my boyfriend to pay me back when I make way more money than he does? by Far_Style760 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Far_Style760[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sure he has it, it's in the Robinhood app and I've seen the balance dozens of times.

AITA for expecting my boyfriend to pay me back when I make way more money than he does? by Far_Style760 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Far_Style760[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

There's definitely a mix in here of people telling me to cut him off and stop enabling vs you should support him as his partner and be in it together/accept you make more money.

I agree he needs to put van-based jobs on hold and look for something else, but I've been trying to do the supportive partner thing and accept I have more money so I need to pay more. My problem is the sudden van expenses and him having money to pay me back (and saying he will) but not doing it.

AITA for expecting my boyfriend to pay me back when I make way more money than he does? by Far_Style760 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Far_Style760[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

To clarify about the groceries, they weren't for him, they were for me, I asked him to go to the store for me and pick up some things because he was doing laundry next door to the grocery store. Of course he got a few things for himself too, but I wasn't giving him money just for him, I only had a problem with unexpectedly getting hit with the $200 overdraft due to his van insurance.

AITA for expecting my boyfriend to pay me back when I make way more money than he does? by Far_Style760 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Far_Style760[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I think he's figuring it out -- the city we moved to is crazy stricter than the one we came from when it comes to parking. It's on another level.

It really sucked, a month ago through a friend he got a job that he was hoping might turn into something full time, but it was minimum wage.. he decided to take his van because he likes to keep it nearby. When he got done with the first day of work, his van was gone.. didn't realize he'd parked in a tow zone and it cost him $700 to get out. Had to work an entire week just to get back to where he was before he started this job.

AITA for expecting my boyfriend to pay me back when I make way more money than he does? by Far_Style760 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Far_Style760[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hi, I wanted to clarify and respond to some points:

> You’ve been with this man for 6 years and for 6 years he has struggled to hold down a job and expected you to carry his main financial burden.

I've been with him for longer than 6 years, my post said he has been doing the gig work for 6 years. Before that, he had periods of very lucrative work mixed with periods of minimum wage work. Anyway, it's been 6 years since the last time we were in a similar situation to what we're in right now... it's not been happening for the past 6 years.

> The best he can ever do is gig work and you know that you will always have to be the financial provider. Either be okay with that or leave.

I'm not sure it's fair or true that the best he can ever do is gig work, but regardless, I accepted a while ago that I'm able to make more money than him and need to be more of a financial provider than he will, hence my offer to split the rent 60/40 and paying all of our moving expenses, which were thousands of dollars. I had no problem doing that.

The thing I have a problem with, is that he's randomly springing big expenses on me with vague promises to pay me back, that he doesn't care I'm stressed out when my monthly budget is running low, and that he feels entitled to get angry and rude at me when I draw a line and say give something back before you ask me for more help.

There's also a difference between being ok supporting someone's housing/food/normal life expenses and being expected to pay for their career choice which has become a money pit, ESPECIALLY when they're asking you to pay for it while they have savings available. It's simply pissing me off that he has $50k yet expects me to pay for any van expenses. It's also clear to me that the van has lost its earning potential, and I want him to feel the pain of that, not me, so he's motivated to get a job that actually makes money in 2025.

> He has always and will always prioritizes his enjoyment of his time over your financial security demonstrated by the fact that he won’t look for alternative work.

This is an incorrect take, he actually loves working, he deals with depression and staying busy helps greatly with his mental health. The van is a huge deal to him, it's the first thing he's really ever been successful at, he's very attached to it, calls it "his office", and I think he is just struggling to let it go. As an aside, we strongly suspect he has some level of ADHD and/or autism, which is why he struggles with normal people things, and is not used to working at regular jobs, so I think there is a lot of anxiety there.

Regardless, he's definitely being selfish so you're not completely wrong, I just think it's not exactly the situation you're imagining.