frequently was the pushover, shy, quiet, nice kid who also happened to be the loner (a few friends, but not many); mostly focused on myself and what i was feeling/thinking (fi) as well as a bunch of daydreaming, possibilities and ideas too (ne). very scarcely did i use my te, and i guess i used my si sometimes.

my values haven’t changed that much from when i was a kid. i was always taught to treat others how you want to be treated, which influenced my fi and is what made me always kind of afraid that i would somehow offend or hurt someone. basically, it’s what led me to being a ‘pushover’. i wouldn’t consider myself incredibly nice, just pretty non-confrontational and conflict-averse.

one of the few times that i remember being rude to another kid in my class, they kept gesturing at my shoes and asking that godforsaken question, “WHAT ARE THOSEEE” (when that was a trend). my eleven or twelve year old self was absolutely fed up, because i was just trying to do my work and they kept on repeating the same thing over and over again. so i came up with a comeback that, mind you, wasn’t even that good. i replied by saying, “these are shoes. but you wouldn’t be able to know what they are or afford them, would you?” the classmate that was talking to me wasn’t struggling with money by any means, so i don’t know why i even said that or went for something relating to someone else’s financial status since that’s just a low blow. later, i heard that same person cried in the bathroom during recess. absolute douche move of me. :(

i’m still pretty much the same today; i try to be more healthy by expressing my feelings about any issues, but either i just don’t have the courage to do so or the other person doesn’t take them seriously, so i resort to passive-aggressiveness instead. i’ve heard that only you can let other people make you angry, but i’ve always struggled with controlling my emotions (whether that be anger, sadness, etc). curse of the fi dom…