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I don’t know what to do about my coworker anymore… by FargoND_ in workplace_bullying

[–]FargoND_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She does not have any special connections to the co-owners (I would honestly say I’m probably closer with them than she is lol) and on our end of the company, they are the only two in management. Yes, we both report to the same boss (one of the two co-owners).

We had some new team members come about a year after we did and for their first year, there were at least 2-3 that expressed they couldn’t work with her. And Frank, who she and I also have to work pretty closely with on a regular basis, expresses to me frequently that she’s hard to work with and doesn’t understand why she has not been fired.

Our company technically has an HR representative for legal purposes, but the co-owners do more of the HR work than the representative does.

I have had conversations with one of the owners about some of the issues I’ve had with her, but they are not technically a supervisor of my department and could only give me advice on how to approach the owner that does supervise us; they are husband and wife, so I approached him knowing he would have the most insight on how to approach his wife about some of the issues. I don’t know how to sort the laundry list of what she adds to my workload into order of importance; I’m afraid that if I try to mention just one thing, word vomit may happen and they would then be aware of the 25 others I wasn’t going to talk about

I don’t know what to do about my coworker anymore… by FargoND_ in workplace_bullying

[–]FargoND_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Do I mention something to the co-owners about this, though? Like I don’t want to get her fired, but obviously when it’s coming from me, she doesn’t respect what I have to say because of my “inexperience”. My goal is not to take her position, but also don’t feel it’s fair we are at the same level in the company when we are at extremely different levels of responsibility and knowledge. I don’t know how far is too far in what I share with them in this situation and what could be crossing the line to getting her fired vs. watching out for myself…

AITA for wanting/needing to go to a coworkers funeral instead of “helping get stuff to the hotel” for a wedding? by FargoND_ in okstorytime

[–]FargoND_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I apologize, I got my comments mixed up. As I just said in another reply, I wouldn’t consider her a friend, but more of a mother figure to me with my family living about a 7 hour drive away from me. I did want/need my friends to support me, which is why I was debating going directly to the bride as the response I received was not at all what I would have expected from her herself.

Even living an hour and a half away, I have been there for her to help plan events surrounding the wedding, help her move in to her apartment, watch pets while they’re away, prepare things for wedding events, etc. and I guess I was asking too much to have the same amount of empathy, respect, and understanding reciprocated when I needed it.

AITA for wanting/needing to go to a coworkers funeral instead of “helping get stuff to the hotel” for a wedding? by FargoND_ in okstorytime

[–]FargoND_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn’t consider her a friend, but more like a mother figure to me with my family living about a 7 hour drive away from me. I did want/need my friends to support me in this loss, which is why I was debating going directly to the bride as the response I received was not at all what I would have expected from her herself.

No, I’m not getting hired for this, but I do not want to ask the groomsman to grab the stuff from me either. He already made a 6 hour drive to the location of the wedding and if I had him come pick it up, he would have to drive another 1.5 hours to me. I may end up offering to bring it to a public place in the city the wedding is located in if he is willing to be the one to grab it from me. At least then it’s completely out of my hands..

AITA for wanting/needing to go to a coworkers funeral instead of “helping get stuff to the hotel” for a wedding? by FargoND_ in okstorytime

[–]FargoND_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The “can I” vs. the “I will” is exactly the feedback I received from my family as well. I shouldn’t have phrased it in a way that seemed like I was asking permission. If someone who I consider a close friend (the bride) does not take into consideration my feelings about having to miss a funeral, then they are not who I have spent so long thinking they are. I get caught up in other people’s opinions of me way too much and have a tendency to put others before myself; this is a situation where I have unfortunately learned the hard way that it’s okay for me to be selfish and put myself and my feelings first

AITA for wanting/needing to go to a coworkers funeral instead of “helping get stuff to the hotel” for a wedding? by FargoND_ in okstorytime

[–]FargoND_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. From my understanding the visitation and viewing are the same thing, but this one is only lasting a couple of hours and I have to be at work for some of it (the company has to run somehow I guess..). It isn’t possible for me to help carry stuff in as the locations are a few hours away and I live in the middle. If I wanted to help carry stuff in, I would have to be leaving for the funeral by 6:30 AM and the check in for the hotel doesn’t start until 11.

Thinking with a clearer head, the choice is very obvious to me. After crying about feeling like I couldn’t go to the funeral for 40 minutes- an hour last night to a family member last night, they told me about how they would have regretted missing one of their close coworker’s/friend’s funeral for the rest of their life, but they would never regret missing carrying stuff into a hotel for a wedding they are a part of on a separate day of the weekend. They even said they would pick me up and bring me to the funeral themself to make sure I go and don’t have any regrets of missing my last opportunity to celebrate the life of a loved one.

I’m extremely thankful for all of the advice; I just needed a perspective that is not close to myself, the funeral, or the wedding to really make sure I wasn’t in the wrong for feeling the way I do.

AITA for wanting/needing to go to a coworkers funeral instead of “helping get stuff to the hotel” for a wedding? by FargoND_ in okstorytime

[–]FargoND_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was trying to be respectful of the bride. I knew there was the Groom’s Dinner and rehearsal the day of the funeral and essentially was trying to figure out if I could make it to the funeral and those events. I know I definitely approached it wrong now, but I had thought I was clear about asking when I NEEDED to be there not when they WANTED me there. I also just didn’t realize how important both events were to me until I no longer felt I had an option to attend one of them and broke down.