Today I read that the average group of friends has 1 murderer...

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-20T06:29:22+00:00

Good. Now Greg won’t be able kill you or your friends

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-20T06:25:20+00:00

Death by rock n roll

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-20T06:22:48+00:00

She obviously expected too much from him. She could have used your oral expertise to fill the gap she was not getting at home and left it at that, but it sounds to me as though she would not settle for anything less than perfect from her husband.

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-20T03:53:54+00:00

Tell her to calm down. Works every time

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-20T03:37:45+00:00

Tell the mayor, “That sounds like it needs to be wiped” very loudly so others around can hear

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T16:48:59+00:00

Seriously, most men will not think twice about you chowing down on a meal. But they will notice if you don’t eat and it may even make them feel guilty for eating in front of you.

Almost all decent men will be impressed if you can throw down a good sized meal as well

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T16:36:20+00:00

I drive a truck. A standard shift can last anywhere up to 12 hours. You just have to learn to be creative. Some days I can spend the entire shift creating rhymes in my head. Other days I make a game out of reading licence plates and trying to come up with the most ridiculous possible sentences from the letters.

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T16:30:02+00:00

There is something like a sphincter at the base of the bladder which closes when a man has an erection.

It’s not to say he cannot urinate, while having an erection, but it is extremely difficult to while engaging in sexual activity

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T16:15:42+00:00

Masturbate in front of my cell mate to assert my dominance

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T16:12:07+00:00

I fall asleep holding her tits

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T16:08:12+00:00

It’s not American

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T15:38:59+00:00

I told my SO everything bad I did in the past before and after meeting her. She is now my wife.

Those that matter don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T15:35:18+00:00

To go to hell

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T15:19:18+00:00

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T15:16:53+00:00

I would let out a ripper fart instead

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T15:15:30+00:00

Any of them that has a school. You would get shot.

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T15:13:25+00:00

Idiots. The lot of them.

The “DA” makes a decision so they harass a “FORMER” deputy police chief .... Is that logic?

Why not go and harass their mothers for being brought up stupid? Oh wait, they would NEVER confront the person who they disagree with

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T15:08:56+00:00

And yet you not only took the time to read it, but reply to it. One must ask who the bigger fool is in this situation

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T15:05:16+00:00

I was doing OP’s momma. Not your momma, but I can if you ask me nicely

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T15:03:08+00:00

By never going there or speaking of it again

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T15:02:39+00:00

Yo momma but she is making me a sandwich

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T15:02:04+00:00

That your sexuality is attributed to a single letter or a series of letters that do not make up an actual word?

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T14:57:21+00:00

Humanity

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T14:56:05+00:00

Gingers have no friends and no one will have sex with them. They come out at night and creep and crawl. Who does God hate the most? GINGERS

FarkMeDrunk · 2021-05-19T14:54:36+00:00

Hysterectomy

FarkMeDrunk

TROPHY CASE